Small Moment of Clarity
A few years ago, I had friends. A few friends, but no close ones. Now I have a whole family. And I am so grateful for them, trying so hard to cheer James and I up. I only cried a few times today. James only cried once. Progress! Going to try on wedding dresses this weekend. I know they wont have anything to make me beautiful, but if I could find something that didn't make me look like a pig wrapped in satin, that would be wonderful.
I'm getting married in six months. I'll never lose the weight. I know, I don't understand how James can wake up next to me every morning and not be repulsed. What is this beautiful man wasting his time with me for?
Finally got my full diagnosis from therapy. PTSD, Severe social anxiety, GAD, and disthymia. I still have those moments where I'm convinced that it was my fault, what happened to me. It has to be something with me. Three different men. It had to be me. It just doesn't make sense.
This David situation. I don't know what will happen. It sucks right now because it came out of nowhere and very sudden. I just want all of us to be happy. And if that means that he has to erase us from his mind, then whatever makes him happy. I can see why Shelley was upset, i just wish I could have defended myself and that crap I wrote towards Bry and Stacie(FTB!).
Journal, journal, talking to myself. Journal, journal, i think I need help.
My thoughts are so jumbled right now. I can't think straight I have so many things just running around I can't focus. And Game tomorrow. Gonna make dip. fuck yeah.
I'm honestly surprised that I haven't had a panic attack over this. James and Ami and been amazing. I don't know. I'm just all over the place.
I'm getting married in six months. I'll never lose the weight. I know, I don't understand how James can wake up next to me every morning and not be repulsed. What is this beautiful man wasting his time with me for?
Finally got my full diagnosis from therapy. PTSD, Severe social anxiety, GAD, and disthymia. I still have those moments where I'm convinced that it was my fault, what happened to me. It has to be something with me. Three different men. It had to be me. It just doesn't make sense.
This David situation. I don't know what will happen. It sucks right now because it came out of nowhere and very sudden. I just want all of us to be happy. And if that means that he has to erase us from his mind, then whatever makes him happy. I can see why Shelley was upset, i just wish I could have defended myself and that crap I wrote towards Bry and Stacie(FTB!).
Journal, journal, talking to myself. Journal, journal, i think I need help.
My thoughts are so jumbled right now. I can't think straight I have so many things just running around I can't focus. And Game tomorrow. Gonna make dip. fuck yeah.
I'm honestly surprised that I haven't had a panic attack over this. James and Ami and been amazing. I don't know. I'm just all over the place.