Sep 20, 2012 11:43
Okay. So it has been a rollercoaster. I wont go into the cheating, because I have several posts about that already. We have been doing okay, no sex, or anything couple-like. We talk sometimes, we still share the same bed, SOMETIMES, depending. I sleep on the couch a lot. We do okay most days. The only thing I hate, and the only thing that gets me pissed off, is when he just acts as if nothing ever happened. I know he knows it happened, but he just doesn't talk to me about it, and he gets pissed off when he hears other people talking about it, like my cousins, or whatever.
I am like, UHM, you have no right to get mad dude, you're the dick, not us.
Today, he is at the naval hospital, at the mental health clinic, getting his mental health evaulation. Thats where the medical officer gets all of his information, all of the details, (which they already have in a report from ME and him, when we spoke to the chaplain and the medical officer a few weeks ago), so he cant lie about anything. Which I know he wont, because for some reason I feel like he is taking this seriously now. He almost lost his career, and the weight of the world was on his shoulders for sure, because if he were to lose his career, he would lose the house, his truck, ME, everything. he knew it. I know he knew it, because the look in his eyes changed, for several days when we were in limbo waiting to see if we were going to be losing everything. by the grace of god we arent.
So we will just wait and see what his mental evaluation says today. He might have to go to a facility treatment center somewhere and get like 24 hour treatment for a little while. I will stand behind him as long as he gets help. I cannot continue to stay and do something like this with him UNLESS he gets help. END.OF.STORY.
i told him that too. if you dont get help, i am gone. and then, about two weeks ago, i was waiting for my period to come, because the doctor said after the d&c it will be 4-6 weeks until i have my period, well, NO period. so im like greatttt back to this motherfuckinggameagain. stupid ass body.
well i took two at home pregnancy tests, and both said yes, so a few days later went to my PCM and got a blood test, and an ultrasound, baby was 7w3d, heart rate was 160. best heart rate out of any of the pregnancies that we had. EXTREMELY good heart rate. so i got into see my OBGYN the same one who gave me the d&c and i saw her yesterday. she gave me an ultrasound and the baby is still doing great. heart rate went UP, to 170, the baby grew a few CMs which she said was great, and was measuring out perfectly. and he is HUGE. lol well to me, because the other babies were always just a circle, never had shape of an actual body. oh my god.
my baby. this could be my shot. and if it is, i wont hesistate to leave his fucking ass if he does anything like that again. especially once the baby comes out. i think i feel like i can help him, i mean i know no one can change anyone but themselves, really. i know that, i do. so i stay. but this baby is lighting a fire in me, like no other. i cant even explain it. i am going to be a mommy, in 7 months. no one will come between us. and i will leave instantly. anything for my baby. always. i am so thankful and greatful, i feel blessed, for this chance to be a mom. i thought it would never happen. i thought i was going to be the one to look at everyone else have them. like i have been.
now its my turn, and you better watch out. im gonna be hell on wheels,
April 28th is the due date. I will make it. This baby will make it.