Stronger then the rest
As I talk to all my besties who have been supporting me the past couple of days.. I wonder where along the way they got so strong... and I so weak.
If I stay, it will happen again. We all know it will. At this point, I dont know what to do. Its like I am standing right in front of a huge brick wall, and as I'm looking up at it, it keeps getting higher and higher. I thought I had that brick wall almost down to the ground. Its back up there. Higher then it has ever been before. What, how could thsi happen? again
I weighed like 210 when we started dating in August. I weigh 237 today according to the doctors office. So, thats a pretty big increase. My body feels it, my mind feels it. I need to get out of my own damn head. I do. I am never going to get any better myself, always being in my head.
I dont know where I will go from here, because that brick wall is so overwhelming to me right now. I honestly just want to keep pushing it away and not deal with it- not deal with anything. I dont know how to make myself feel better. I dont know how to make myself get out of the fucking funk. What do I do? Where do I go?
Man I wish my dad was here. I think about which direction he would point me in, if I could only hear his voice. Just a whisper, any word, anything. Fuck, this is so bad, and I ache with pain.
I cant do this.
If I stay, it will happen again. We all know it will. At this point, I dont know what to do. Its like I am standing right in front of a huge brick wall, and as I'm looking up at it, it keeps getting higher and higher. I thought I had that brick wall almost down to the ground. Its back up there. Higher then it has ever been before. What, how could thsi happen? again
I weighed like 210 when we started dating in August. I weigh 237 today according to the doctors office. So, thats a pretty big increase. My body feels it, my mind feels it. I need to get out of my own damn head. I do. I am never going to get any better myself, always being in my head.
I dont know where I will go from here, because that brick wall is so overwhelming to me right now. I honestly just want to keep pushing it away and not deal with it- not deal with anything. I dont know how to make myself feel better. I dont know how to make myself get out of the fucking funk. What do I do? Where do I go?
Man I wish my dad was here. I think about which direction he would point me in, if I could only hear his voice. Just a whisper, any word, anything. Fuck, this is so bad, and I ache with pain.
I cant do this.