Broken
I am not a half looking for a whole, I am a whole waiting for an equal. -Robert Nick Redi
BROKEN
There is nothing more fragile or strong as the human spirit.
It could hang on by the thread of a feather and survive the harshest of adversities but also be crushed by the simplest of things, so simply with what is commonly known as bad luck or a bad relationship.
Everyone you walk past on the streets holds an entire life story chalk full of nuts and good people, crazy relationships and possibly one bad break up.
And as you walk past almost gazing into people's lives with your mind you have to conclude a truth, that we have or we all will feel broken at some point in our lives.
No matter who we are, there is a point of wondering if the path we are on is the right one and while on that path we will fall and need to pick ourselves up... and in-between those moments of steady pacing and free falling is a period of uncertainty and possibly. What gets us there? What got us here? More so the question should be and the truth is that what keeps us in this broken state ... is a feeling that we have failed at our prime goal.
We either lost the battle, never started or have still yet to try to move when we know we should.
We feel broken.
When talking medical science there are 3 phases our body goes thru to heal broken bones. I have to wonder... how many phases are there to mend broken spirits, broken lives, and broken hearts. If we compare life to bones, let’s go with 3.
One: The Reactive Phase:
Anyone who has broken a bone can tell you it hurts, the extent of the pain may vary but it hurts is the general commonality.
And in our relationships or emotions can be just as fragile and the pain can hurt in much the same way, most times even worse.
After a break, the common emotional response is frustration or anger... if you feel angry, hurt feelings can make us also feel weak because we can often times get drained of our emotional reserves using up too much of our time just being angry.
It’s a circular cycle though... You have to feel just enough upset about your life in order to want to change it, but not so much it becomes detrimental to moving on.
Being comfortable with your life might just mean you find nothing wrong with it. And if you find nothing wrong with it then why would you want to fix it?
It’s the age old saying, “If something isn’t broken. Don't fix it.”, right?
On the other hand, with anger, you run the risk of being "Jaded". According to Google jaded means: “Worn out; wearied, cynically or pretentiously callous, exhausted or indifferent.”
There's no time frame to how long you can feel angry but you'll know that you are and if you can tell, so can others. This comfortable feeling being angry all the time just keeps you secluded and alone. It's a drug because you feel strong for it. But like any drug it has its side effects. Hardening your heart is never the answer. Picking up the pieces, is.
There is an upside to anger... it reminds us we are unhappy with our present circumstance. It gives us a sort of courage or forward thrust in the direction to moving on. It forces us to think about being some place better than where we are. So anger should remind us to move and the feeling of wanting to exert our energy to move is a result of all the bottled up emotion that anger can cause.
So when I think reactive, I think in reaction to... in reaction to being hurt you feel anger and that is okay because anger makes you move on to better days.
Phase Two: The Reparative Phase:
Each person deals with pain or frustration differently.
Some people go out. They use friends to help forget their troubles. The atmosphere and the sounds drown out their own thoughts and lingering feeling. Other people become a drug for their hurt. Moving on from one person to another never stopping to remember why they're even doing, and maybe they don’t even know they’re doing it but it isn’t solving the problem, its avoiding it. They convince themselves it’s the right thing to do because it feels good. They’re like leaves on the wind with times of highs and lows. It comes to a point that they might not be able to stop. And just might pass by something good... but truthfully they wouldn't know what to do with it anyway.
Some people don't deal at all. They bottle up their feelings and act as if nothing ever happened. They can forget months of trying and pursuing someone and file it away, smile happily but inside they feel completely the opposite.
You know if you can stop yourself from crying time after time, there may come a time when you realize something has happened. Something hardens within you and one day you might find it impossible to cry. Feeling emotion-less is one of the worst feelings.
Tears are good. People think it’s a sign of weakness but its not, it’s a sign of relief of strength and of letting go. There is a healing in it, a feeling of bravery, and it's like being naked in a different kind of way.
The best mind set for repairs is baby steps. One day at a time, one aspect of a room, or of your life. Fix it, if you can. Change it, if you want to. When the time feels right to, you'll know. But stop and think about what matters most or what should matter most to your life and focus on good things; positive thoughts, positive attitudes.
Doctors prescribe drugs for the pain when we break our bones. But there’s always the threat of becoming an addict, too dependent on something outside ourselves to heal the wounds. And even as kids we only have the training wheels on for so long until we’d feel ridiculous. We push ourselves to be older faster and then younger longer. We lose that worry about being ridiculed for our handicaps as we get older but still inside we never forget the flaws we see in ourselves.
There are things in life that are good addictions, things that exist simply to make one smile. Sometimes these seemingly simple things help us cope; a smile, or an encouraging message from the most unlikely of places. If we are calm enough and ready to hear the message they send us. If we understand what’s being said every day so subtly so quietly then we might find the life we once thought was so hard so complex is just so simple.
Phase Three: The Remodeling Phase:
Changing is the hardest and most subtle of all phases. While waiting is a part of life, I have to wonder if we feel like we've been waiting our entire life then how would we know the difference, when will we know when the waiting is over?
Carrie Bradshaw says, "Isn't delayed gratification the definition of maturity?”
It’s true we have to be patient but why is it we have to be mature to understand pain... and what does that even mean? Is it a naive thought to feel we are unable to be hurt or to see ourselves as invincible, beyond pain. There's a fine line between confidence and arrogance. Even superman's greatest weakness is not his vulnerability to kryptonite but it is his own heart, his feelings. It’s as if opening our eyes makes us see the good less and realize the evil that can exist in the world...
Maybe it’s coping with it. That’s the real maturity. That would be the end goal, re-shaping ourselves to be stronger against the things that would hurt us and protecting our childish naive hearts that still beat hopeful within us.
There is something to be said about "Change", it can be so fast or so slow that you don't even know you've changed until you already have.
So one day we'll wake up to sunny days again and soon our glasses will be half full. We won't have to hide away our feelings and we can feel that much more complete for it.
Our lives don't end even when we feel so lost or broken. Like a broken sword the pieces can be melted and re-forged to be strong again. So must we, melt away the life that once was into something new, someone stronger. One day at a time.