(no subject)
why do i feel so alone? why do i feel so invisible all the fucking time??
i started to cry in the middle of choir today. i dont remember how but a song came on while i was listening to my friends ipod and i just started crying. and i HATE crying infront of people, but it just came out and there was nothing i could do about it. so for a good mmmmm 30 minutes i sat on the ground in the corner of my room and watched myself cry. the weird part was that i wasnt huffing or shaking or anything. the tears just kind of kept rolling down my cheeks.
i shouldnt have to tell someone that i love that i need them. they should have known. they should have been able to hear it in my voice or see it in my eyes. i wish that someone could just see how hard things are for me right now. i wish that i didnt have deal with everything by myself. i do need help! i've been as strong as i could for so long and its just too much for me to do alone. i've tried. and i failed.
you dont know. you dont know how i feel and you dont know what its like to be put in my position and be completely cluesless as to why, no matter how hard you try to fix or change things, you keep getting hurt.
i was asleep when you i/med me. call me later tonight if you read this and its not too late. i have to go back to sleep. its the only way i dont think about you, or how much i miss you, or how much i just wish that just for once you could see how much i really do go through every day. why i try to never be home.
goodnight and sweetdreams.
know that i did try.
i started to cry in the middle of choir today. i dont remember how but a song came on while i was listening to my friends ipod and i just started crying. and i HATE crying infront of people, but it just came out and there was nothing i could do about it. so for a good mmmmm 30 minutes i sat on the ground in the corner of my room and watched myself cry. the weird part was that i wasnt huffing or shaking or anything. the tears just kind of kept rolling down my cheeks.
i shouldnt have to tell someone that i love that i need them. they should have known. they should have been able to hear it in my voice or see it in my eyes. i wish that someone could just see how hard things are for me right now. i wish that i didnt have deal with everything by myself. i do need help! i've been as strong as i could for so long and its just too much for me to do alone. i've tried. and i failed.
you dont know. you dont know how i feel and you dont know what its like to be put in my position and be completely cluesless as to why, no matter how hard you try to fix or change things, you keep getting hurt.
i was asleep when you i/med me. call me later tonight if you read this and its not too late. i have to go back to sleep. its the only way i dont think about you, or how much i miss you, or how much i just wish that just for once you could see how much i really do go through every day. why i try to never be home.
goodnight and sweetdreams.
know that i did try.