No surprises here
Who: W'ton and Hattie
Where: Hattie's weyr
When: Morning on day 24, month 10, turn 20
What: There's no make-up sex this time.
It's a nice fall morning and people are happy to be out in it before the winter weather comes and sets in ruining everything. With no sign of rain to be seen there's noise from all parts of the bowl as laundresses hang clothes, nannies let kids run somewhat wild, and a few pick-up games of this sport or that takes place between riders or residents. A lovely day. Which does not explain why W'ton's journey across the bowl was so long and arduous seeming. There was little from him by way of greeting to anyone he passed that he knew although there were smiles aplenty when someone waved. If they were fake smiles it was no one's business but his own. His arrival at the weyr is in no way announced by Dasarth ahead of time as the bronze has had little interest in talking to Elaruth since the flight. He just makes his way up to the ledge and then inside stopping near the entrance ostensibly to let his eyes adjust to the change in lighting.
There's no Elaruth to be found inside the weyr, but that doesn't mean there's no Hattie. Perhaps it's the weyrwoman's rest day that has her still at home at such an hour or maybe she's been waiting for her new found company - possibly about to give up and just head out anyway, what with the pile of books in her arms. Her steps stop halfway across the chamber and she adjusts the books; looks for somewhere to put them down and realizes that it'll have to involve a retreat. "What did you want to talk about?" she questions as she turns, not bothering with any kind of pleasantries. Perhaps she assumes he'll follow her when she makes that retreat into the 'work' half of her living space.
There may be a tiny smile or may be a smirk that lifts his expression slightly when she turns. Only after she's turned of course. W'ton saunters in like it's just been a few hours since he was here and drops down into a chair like there's nothing wrong. "I don't know, Hattie. You tell me. The weyrleader was ever so concerned about your performance and about how I am somehow impeding said performance. I am negatively affecting the Weyr he says. Not that it's the first time he's decided to tell me I'm fucking up when he's got no idea, but hey. I suppose he thinks it's his right and all."
The books are set carefully down atop the table and Hattie doesn't bother to hide the roll of her eyes and the look that just screams 'here we go again'. Not caring to stray from the table, she turns her back to it and leans, hands caught up on its edge. "Firstly, don't flatter yourself. It'll take more than you playing childish games to slow me down." Barely a pause before, "Secondly, if you think you're the only one pissed at T'rev right now, think again. He could've at least had the decency to tell /me/ he thinks I'm letting people down. I didn't ask him to make you talk to me or reprimand you or whatever's gone on behind my back and I think you know me well enough to know that I'll be addressing that." She shrugs. "If that's it, then I guess we're done."
"Hey, I wasn't the one saying it," W'ton says as he holds his hands up defensively. "You think you haven't made it clear to everyone how you don't need anybody? Because I assure you that point has been gotten across to most people." No clarifying comment on what he thinks. Nor does he rise up when she declares the conversation done. Instead he just makes himself more comfortable. "I also never thought you would do something like that. T'rev's always been happy to stick his nose disapprovingly in my life. He's certainly always been happy to interfere in my relationship with you. All out of concern for you of course."
"Just to most? Well, maybe when it's all, I'll have finally achieved something in life," Hattie retorts with more than a handful of sarcasm. She shakes her head and leans more heavily against the table. "You know, you're the one who says I'm insecure, when you're so determined to make out that there's something going on with T'rev and I? There's next to no point in repeating myself all over again, because you never believe me anyway. I'm not his keeper; I have no influence over what he does. If it's him you want to go berate, just get on with it and quit redirecting your anger at me."
"Yes. I believe no longer being dependant on anyone is a sure sign that one has died," W'ton says with a shrug of his shoulders and a tiny smile. "And I am not trying to imply anything between you and T'rev. I've never had any reason to disbelieve /you/ when you say something. I don't see any reason to start now. As for redirecting my anger that would mean I have any anger in need of directing somewhere. I assure you I've got no hostile feelings towards anyone. Why would I? Although you seem to be angry about something. Want to share?"
Hattie's smirk is more of a snarl, teeth bared until she manages to school her features back to 'terribly bored' and pushes away from the table to amble towards the nearest of the screens across the room. "Just stop being such a child and go," she says quietly. "I'm not playing anymore. It's pretty obvious what this was all about, right? Make me say those stupid words so you knew you had some kind of hold over me. Wait for her to rise, hope you win, because hey, I might be Senior someday and best to start now. No use for me now, so you don't bother. I'm just the idiot who fell for it."
Terribly bored works for W'ton until she goes on. But as her words continue any bored affect leaves his features and is replaced now by anger. "Fuck you," he says as he stands up. "After all this time that's what you think of me? You've sure got me all figured out haven't you? It's such a good thing you're a great judge of character like you are. Because of course this is all about me. There's no one else involved in this." Standing up he glances around the weyr before his eyes rest on Hattie again. "What pisses me off the most right now is your continued efforts to tear yourself down. I hate when you belittle yourself. I hate that your opinion of me is no better than that. I really thought I had someone who understood I wasn't like Kai and T'rev and the others want to paint me. But I guess not." His eyes move away and he turns to go. "If you really thought I'd have loved you less if you'd walked off the sands alone or with any other dragon than it's clear we're really not meant to be. Because if after all this time you can't trust my feelings then we've never really been together. I won't bother you again, weyrwoman."
"My opinion of you was better until everything you said - everything about dealing with her flight - turned out to be just talk." Hattie doesn't raise her voice and stays as she is, without looking round. "And if that was just talk, what else is?" Now she turns and takes step towards him. "You /knew/ I was scared, you /knew/ I had no idea what to do and you /knew/ I'd be sorry even when I'd have no reason to be." Her voice edges higher only as she exclaims, "I haven't done anything wrong!" Further efforts are made to go back into uncaring mode, mostly successful but not quite and she just stops still where she is. "And if you loved me and we were meant to be, then maybe you'd have bothered to say one word to me since. Maybe we'd have managed to last past her first flight."
"How was I supposed to know what it would be like?" W'ton asks as he turns back around and almost winds up with his hands on his hips. Instead they slide into his pockets. "You have /no idea/ what I was dealing with after. What I'm still dealing with. This isn't about me. I don't know how many times I can say that to people. Dasarth's hurt. He was angry. I wasn't sure what he'd try to do. He can't help how he is and he doesn't have a lot of friends and there was Elaruth going off flying with Mecaith and spending time with him and then Mikhuth caught which only made things worse. He felt completely rejected. Gedroth left, Elaruth so obviously prefers the company of anyone but him. It's not like I can just cut that out. The more I tried to keep it apart the worse he got thinking /I/ was rejecting him too for letting me down. We have to do what's best for them. Those were your words, right? You weren't even going to ask T'rev to leave the Weyr when she rose. But when it's /my/ dragon it doesn't matter so much? But don't pin this on me. You've said what you think quite clearly. To you I'm just an asshole who was using you and having a laugh at your expense."
"She's not me," Hattie says softly. "Her heart isn't mine. Her choice wasn't mine. And I'm living with it." She sighs and waves one hand in an absent gesture, swinging around the other side of the screen as she retreats once more. "Alright. Fine. It's Dasarth. Being apart is what's best for him and I respect that. But you have to admit that not one word to someone you're supposedly in love with is just a bit extreme. You don't talk to me right after I fail to get you anywhere. But I can't just vanish. I can't get Elaruth to disappear. I can't hide to make him feel better. It's not my fault he can't deal with it. She lost a friend in this too and she's not the one who's stopped reaching out." One shoulder twitches as she straightens a blanket on her way past the bed. "What I think is my fault, given what I've had to go on. It's fine. You can't be around me. We're done. I get that."
"I was trying to sort out what was him and what was me," W'ton says equally softly. "It's not easy having someone like that in my head pushing me to do things and feel things. I thought- Well, what I thought doesn't matter. Because him aside and her aside and...and all of that? Knowing it's so easy for you think the only thing I cared about was where you might get me hurts. Because I'm not that person. I've never been that person. If I were the kind of person who just used people to get somewhere there's a whole lot of things I'd be doing differently. I'm sorry, Hattie. Sorry I didn't talk to you sooner. That was my mistake. And I'm sorry I couldn't anticipate better how I'd feel after her flight. Mostly I guess I am sorry everyone was right all along and I'm not good enough for you. At least there's all kinds of people who'll be happy to know you're rid of me since I was never right in the first place. You're right that you can't go anywhere, but I can. Maybe I can find some Weyr that doesn't know what a loser, fuck-up, grasping person I am and get a transfer. Good bye." Since he said good-bye he heads off towards the exit.
"And it's not easy getting cut off by one of the few people you trust," Hattie murmurs, still making her way across the room. "Stop feeling so sorry for yourself," she snaps, completely out of place for how she's been behaving so far. She stops at her dresser and begins to rummage around in one of the drawers. No words from her in the meantime, so perhaps she hopes that he doesn't just wander on out. When she returns to near the entryway, she holds out one hand, palm up and a token sitting flat in the centre of it. "Here. You said to give it back if ever... You know, when we were Candidates." She manages to make eye contact for some length of time, but not much. "So you can make the choice this time. If you're going to do this to me every time she flies; if me being suspicious of the motives of every person on the planet is really that much of a shock to you, then take it and go. I'm not going to say those words again. Either you know or you don't."
"I thought you trusted me," W'ton tells her without looking anywhere at her. "I thought at least you knew I wasn't a bad guy." His eyes drop down to look at her hand and what it holds. "So, be honest with me now. Do you trust me? I'm not asking what your head's telling you. I'm asking if in your heart you believe me when I say I would love you even if Elaruth were out of the picture." Looking at her directly he waits silently for his answer without moving a hand towards hers.
For a moment, it might look like Hattie has her answer ready. She takes a breath, opens her mouth as if to speak and instead closes her eyes and looks away, lips pressed tightly together. When she finds words, they're uttered slowly, like she could be fighting tears at the same time. "I don't think you're a bad guy. I believe you honestly think you would. In my heart, I never wanted to be at this point." There's an odd, strangled noise from the back of her throat and she opens her eyes, looks back at him. "But right now, honestly, I'm wondering how many flight-addled caverns girls you went through after." And she knows what answer that is.
"You honestly think I think I would. But you can't take my word for it." W'ton shakes his head slowly and turns to go for the last time leaving her hand as it is. "Burn it, destroy it, drop it between. I don't want it back. But the answer is none. I went home. I got drunk off my father's best whiskey. And, yes. I fucked someone while I was there. I'm not proud of it. I wish I'd been thinking better, but I wasn't. There's no excuse. And the fact it happened kept me away as much as anything else. I'm an idiot. And, yea. I don't know if I ever would have told you. I don't know. But they were right all along. How's that? I guess no one knows you better than everyone else. I'll gather up what you've got in my weyr and deliver it sometime you're not here. Burn my stuff. Whatever. I don't want it back. I tried. Whatever I've done that was right, however little that was, it was because I had you to come home to. Good bye." Again with the good byes, but this time nothing stops him from walking out of her weyr.
Not one word from Hattie. She doesn't reach to stop him leaving, call out after him or go so far as to throw anything after. She stays staring after for a minute or so after he's gone, then blindly aims for the nearest chair; sits there at the table with her head propped up with one hand. It's only after another few minutes of stillness that she throws the token across the room with an unintelligible exclamation, back to statue-like and frozen the moment after.
Where: Hattie's weyr
When: Morning on day 24, month 10, turn 20
What: There's no make-up sex this time.
It's a nice fall morning and people are happy to be out in it before the winter weather comes and sets in ruining everything. With no sign of rain to be seen there's noise from all parts of the bowl as laundresses hang clothes, nannies let kids run somewhat wild, and a few pick-up games of this sport or that takes place between riders or residents. A lovely day. Which does not explain why W'ton's journey across the bowl was so long and arduous seeming. There was little from him by way of greeting to anyone he passed that he knew although there were smiles aplenty when someone waved. If they were fake smiles it was no one's business but his own. His arrival at the weyr is in no way announced by Dasarth ahead of time as the bronze has had little interest in talking to Elaruth since the flight. He just makes his way up to the ledge and then inside stopping near the entrance ostensibly to let his eyes adjust to the change in lighting.
There's no Elaruth to be found inside the weyr, but that doesn't mean there's no Hattie. Perhaps it's the weyrwoman's rest day that has her still at home at such an hour or maybe she's been waiting for her new found company - possibly about to give up and just head out anyway, what with the pile of books in her arms. Her steps stop halfway across the chamber and she adjusts the books; looks for somewhere to put them down and realizes that it'll have to involve a retreat. "What did you want to talk about?" she questions as she turns, not bothering with any kind of pleasantries. Perhaps she assumes he'll follow her when she makes that retreat into the 'work' half of her living space.
There may be a tiny smile or may be a smirk that lifts his expression slightly when she turns. Only after she's turned of course. W'ton saunters in like it's just been a few hours since he was here and drops down into a chair like there's nothing wrong. "I don't know, Hattie. You tell me. The weyrleader was ever so concerned about your performance and about how I am somehow impeding said performance. I am negatively affecting the Weyr he says. Not that it's the first time he's decided to tell me I'm fucking up when he's got no idea, but hey. I suppose he thinks it's his right and all."
The books are set carefully down atop the table and Hattie doesn't bother to hide the roll of her eyes and the look that just screams 'here we go again'. Not caring to stray from the table, she turns her back to it and leans, hands caught up on its edge. "Firstly, don't flatter yourself. It'll take more than you playing childish games to slow me down." Barely a pause before, "Secondly, if you think you're the only one pissed at T'rev right now, think again. He could've at least had the decency to tell /me/ he thinks I'm letting people down. I didn't ask him to make you talk to me or reprimand you or whatever's gone on behind my back and I think you know me well enough to know that I'll be addressing that." She shrugs. "If that's it, then I guess we're done."
"Hey, I wasn't the one saying it," W'ton says as he holds his hands up defensively. "You think you haven't made it clear to everyone how you don't need anybody? Because I assure you that point has been gotten across to most people." No clarifying comment on what he thinks. Nor does he rise up when she declares the conversation done. Instead he just makes himself more comfortable. "I also never thought you would do something like that. T'rev's always been happy to stick his nose disapprovingly in my life. He's certainly always been happy to interfere in my relationship with you. All out of concern for you of course."
"Just to most? Well, maybe when it's all, I'll have finally achieved something in life," Hattie retorts with more than a handful of sarcasm. She shakes her head and leans more heavily against the table. "You know, you're the one who says I'm insecure, when you're so determined to make out that there's something going on with T'rev and I? There's next to no point in repeating myself all over again, because you never believe me anyway. I'm not his keeper; I have no influence over what he does. If it's him you want to go berate, just get on with it and quit redirecting your anger at me."
"Yes. I believe no longer being dependant on anyone is a sure sign that one has died," W'ton says with a shrug of his shoulders and a tiny smile. "And I am not trying to imply anything between you and T'rev. I've never had any reason to disbelieve /you/ when you say something. I don't see any reason to start now. As for redirecting my anger that would mean I have any anger in need of directing somewhere. I assure you I've got no hostile feelings towards anyone. Why would I? Although you seem to be angry about something. Want to share?"
Hattie's smirk is more of a snarl, teeth bared until she manages to school her features back to 'terribly bored' and pushes away from the table to amble towards the nearest of the screens across the room. "Just stop being such a child and go," she says quietly. "I'm not playing anymore. It's pretty obvious what this was all about, right? Make me say those stupid words so you knew you had some kind of hold over me. Wait for her to rise, hope you win, because hey, I might be Senior someday and best to start now. No use for me now, so you don't bother. I'm just the idiot who fell for it."
Terribly bored works for W'ton until she goes on. But as her words continue any bored affect leaves his features and is replaced now by anger. "Fuck you," he says as he stands up. "After all this time that's what you think of me? You've sure got me all figured out haven't you? It's such a good thing you're a great judge of character like you are. Because of course this is all about me. There's no one else involved in this." Standing up he glances around the weyr before his eyes rest on Hattie again. "What pisses me off the most right now is your continued efforts to tear yourself down. I hate when you belittle yourself. I hate that your opinion of me is no better than that. I really thought I had someone who understood I wasn't like Kai and T'rev and the others want to paint me. But I guess not." His eyes move away and he turns to go. "If you really thought I'd have loved you less if you'd walked off the sands alone or with any other dragon than it's clear we're really not meant to be. Because if after all this time you can't trust my feelings then we've never really been together. I won't bother you again, weyrwoman."
"My opinion of you was better until everything you said - everything about dealing with her flight - turned out to be just talk." Hattie doesn't raise her voice and stays as she is, without looking round. "And if that was just talk, what else is?" Now she turns and takes step towards him. "You /knew/ I was scared, you /knew/ I had no idea what to do and you /knew/ I'd be sorry even when I'd have no reason to be." Her voice edges higher only as she exclaims, "I haven't done anything wrong!" Further efforts are made to go back into uncaring mode, mostly successful but not quite and she just stops still where she is. "And if you loved me and we were meant to be, then maybe you'd have bothered to say one word to me since. Maybe we'd have managed to last past her first flight."
"How was I supposed to know what it would be like?" W'ton asks as he turns back around and almost winds up with his hands on his hips. Instead they slide into his pockets. "You have /no idea/ what I was dealing with after. What I'm still dealing with. This isn't about me. I don't know how many times I can say that to people. Dasarth's hurt. He was angry. I wasn't sure what he'd try to do. He can't help how he is and he doesn't have a lot of friends and there was Elaruth going off flying with Mecaith and spending time with him and then Mikhuth caught which only made things worse. He felt completely rejected. Gedroth left, Elaruth so obviously prefers the company of anyone but him. It's not like I can just cut that out. The more I tried to keep it apart the worse he got thinking /I/ was rejecting him too for letting me down. We have to do what's best for them. Those were your words, right? You weren't even going to ask T'rev to leave the Weyr when she rose. But when it's /my/ dragon it doesn't matter so much? But don't pin this on me. You've said what you think quite clearly. To you I'm just an asshole who was using you and having a laugh at your expense."
"She's not me," Hattie says softly. "Her heart isn't mine. Her choice wasn't mine. And I'm living with it." She sighs and waves one hand in an absent gesture, swinging around the other side of the screen as she retreats once more. "Alright. Fine. It's Dasarth. Being apart is what's best for him and I respect that. But you have to admit that not one word to someone you're supposedly in love with is just a bit extreme. You don't talk to me right after I fail to get you anywhere. But I can't just vanish. I can't get Elaruth to disappear. I can't hide to make him feel better. It's not my fault he can't deal with it. She lost a friend in this too and she's not the one who's stopped reaching out." One shoulder twitches as she straightens a blanket on her way past the bed. "What I think is my fault, given what I've had to go on. It's fine. You can't be around me. We're done. I get that."
"I was trying to sort out what was him and what was me," W'ton says equally softly. "It's not easy having someone like that in my head pushing me to do things and feel things. I thought- Well, what I thought doesn't matter. Because him aside and her aside and...and all of that? Knowing it's so easy for you think the only thing I cared about was where you might get me hurts. Because I'm not that person. I've never been that person. If I were the kind of person who just used people to get somewhere there's a whole lot of things I'd be doing differently. I'm sorry, Hattie. Sorry I didn't talk to you sooner. That was my mistake. And I'm sorry I couldn't anticipate better how I'd feel after her flight. Mostly I guess I am sorry everyone was right all along and I'm not good enough for you. At least there's all kinds of people who'll be happy to know you're rid of me since I was never right in the first place. You're right that you can't go anywhere, but I can. Maybe I can find some Weyr that doesn't know what a loser, fuck-up, grasping person I am and get a transfer. Good bye." Since he said good-bye he heads off towards the exit.
"And it's not easy getting cut off by one of the few people you trust," Hattie murmurs, still making her way across the room. "Stop feeling so sorry for yourself," she snaps, completely out of place for how she's been behaving so far. She stops at her dresser and begins to rummage around in one of the drawers. No words from her in the meantime, so perhaps she hopes that he doesn't just wander on out. When she returns to near the entryway, she holds out one hand, palm up and a token sitting flat in the centre of it. "Here. You said to give it back if ever... You know, when we were Candidates." She manages to make eye contact for some length of time, but not much. "So you can make the choice this time. If you're going to do this to me every time she flies; if me being suspicious of the motives of every person on the planet is really that much of a shock to you, then take it and go. I'm not going to say those words again. Either you know or you don't."
"I thought you trusted me," W'ton tells her without looking anywhere at her. "I thought at least you knew I wasn't a bad guy." His eyes drop down to look at her hand and what it holds. "So, be honest with me now. Do you trust me? I'm not asking what your head's telling you. I'm asking if in your heart you believe me when I say I would love you even if Elaruth were out of the picture." Looking at her directly he waits silently for his answer without moving a hand towards hers.
For a moment, it might look like Hattie has her answer ready. She takes a breath, opens her mouth as if to speak and instead closes her eyes and looks away, lips pressed tightly together. When she finds words, they're uttered slowly, like she could be fighting tears at the same time. "I don't think you're a bad guy. I believe you honestly think you would. In my heart, I never wanted to be at this point." There's an odd, strangled noise from the back of her throat and she opens her eyes, looks back at him. "But right now, honestly, I'm wondering how many flight-addled caverns girls you went through after." And she knows what answer that is.
"You honestly think I think I would. But you can't take my word for it." W'ton shakes his head slowly and turns to go for the last time leaving her hand as it is. "Burn it, destroy it, drop it between. I don't want it back. But the answer is none. I went home. I got drunk off my father's best whiskey. And, yes. I fucked someone while I was there. I'm not proud of it. I wish I'd been thinking better, but I wasn't. There's no excuse. And the fact it happened kept me away as much as anything else. I'm an idiot. And, yea. I don't know if I ever would have told you. I don't know. But they were right all along. How's that? I guess no one knows you better than everyone else. I'll gather up what you've got in my weyr and deliver it sometime you're not here. Burn my stuff. Whatever. I don't want it back. I tried. Whatever I've done that was right, however little that was, it was because I had you to come home to. Good bye." Again with the good byes, but this time nothing stops him from walking out of her weyr.
Not one word from Hattie. She doesn't reach to stop him leaving, call out after him or go so far as to throw anything after. She stays staring after for a minute or so after he's gone, then blindly aims for the nearest chair; sits there at the table with her head propped up with one hand. It's only after another few minutes of stillness that she throws the token across the room with an unintelligible exclamation, back to statue-like and frozen the moment after.