let's give this a shot.
Mostly, I find it amusing that someone who spent most of her teens and her entire 20s journalling, dumping her life onto the internet like someone would give a damn, just pretty much locked that shit down once she turned 30. It only takes 20 entries in this journal to go back over three years, and it's not like I was really writing anywhere else during that time. This journal contains a little less than half my life, but you can get to four years ago in less than a page.
And of course, that's when all the important things started to happen.
Like falling in love with the woman of my dreams, only to have her tell me she was really a man inside, and needed to become a man outside, too.
Like coming to terms (mostly) with all of the shame and self-loathing I had been carrying around with me for all these years, just because I liked both boys and girls.
Like realizing that acting like a 16 year old wasn't quite as cute at 30 as it was at 20.
Like discovering that no one besides your mom gives a crap how special you were when you were younger.
Like getting fed up with not being taken seriously and doing trying to do what needed to get done to get there.
I don't know how to fill in the past four years, either here or in my mind. A lot of things, details, events are already lost to the passing of time, which makes me sad if I stop to think about it too hard (so I don't). Important things, too. But all I can do is move forward, try to start here, and do what I can to fill in the gaps.
Now all that's left is to figure out where to start.
Crossposted from Dreamwidth -- read comments.
(Please comment there using OpenID.)
And of course, that's when all the important things started to happen.
Like falling in love with the woman of my dreams, only to have her tell me she was really a man inside, and needed to become a man outside, too.
Like coming to terms (mostly) with all of the shame and self-loathing I had been carrying around with me for all these years, just because I liked both boys and girls.
Like realizing that acting like a 16 year old wasn't quite as cute at 30 as it was at 20.
Like discovering that no one besides your mom gives a crap how special you were when you were younger.
Like getting fed up with not being taken seriously and doing trying to do what needed to get done to get there.
I don't know how to fill in the past four years, either here or in my mind. A lot of things, details, events are already lost to the passing of time, which makes me sad if I stop to think about it too hard (so I don't). Important things, too. But all I can do is move forward, try to start here, and do what I can to fill in the gaps.
Now all that's left is to figure out where to start.
Crossposted from Dreamwidth -- read comments.
(Please comment there using OpenID.)