I should've known...
...that on a day when everything has gone wrong, getting the notification that Columbia made its decision was not a good sign. I was afraid to look. I was. But I did, and I didn't get in. Not even the wait list. Just a rejection.
I know I've been quiet lately; it's been a weird time. I have fannish things to update,
jamapanama came to see me again, we're meeting in Annapolis in like, three days...as they say, best of times, worst of times, blah blah blahcakes.
I'm trying to look at the bright side. There are now fewer decisions to make less immediately, I can apply to the OSU arts policy & admin program instead, I can look around for other programs in more appealing places, I can move whereever I want in July when my lease is up (instead of having to worry about commuting to Columbia)...the world, as they say, is now my oyster. I still (as long as I can finish the internship, ugh) have the certificate in arts management, and if I wanted to, I could start trying to look for jobs in the field instead. Just because I didn't get in, doesn't mean I can't take the graduate level class in cultural policy that they're offering this summer.
You know, all the things that you tell yourself to mitigate the hurt of not getting something you really, really wanted.
But the truth of it all is that I can't remember the last time I wanted something this badly. It might actually have been performing, twenty years ago -- maybe even the piano lessons I sucked at when I was 6. And I'm not entirely sure what to do with having not gotten it -- either the fact of not getting it, or myself, now that I haven't.
I'm going to look into just jumping right into the industry, changing jobs, but I'd need to figure out how much I could actually afford to lose incomewise, and what I'd need to do to keep feeding, housing & clothing myself without a struggle (or a parent). What I'm looking at, that I'm possibly qualified for...it's a 50% hit easy, incomewise, to move closer to what I'd want to do. And that's not enough to live on around here, not without some serious changes in my financial situation.
So...that's where we are. I'm still alive, if much more broken than I hoped to be around this time of year. I'll get through it, of course, "character-building," blah blah blah. But...yeah.
The fact that I now have to tell my mother that they turned me down is, of course, not helping in any way, shape or form.
I'll stop cluttering up your reading page now. Hope everyone (that I don't talk to multiple times daily)'s doing well.
I know I've been quiet lately; it's been a weird time. I have fannish things to update,
jamapanama came to see me again, we're meeting in Annapolis in like, three days...as they say, best of times, worst of times, blah blah blahcakes.
I'm trying to look at the bright side. There are now fewer decisions to make less immediately, I can apply to the OSU arts policy & admin program instead, I can look around for other programs in more appealing places, I can move whereever I want in July when my lease is up (instead of having to worry about commuting to Columbia)...the world, as they say, is now my oyster. I still (as long as I can finish the internship, ugh) have the certificate in arts management, and if I wanted to, I could start trying to look for jobs in the field instead. Just because I didn't get in, doesn't mean I can't take the graduate level class in cultural policy that they're offering this summer.
You know, all the things that you tell yourself to mitigate the hurt of not getting something you really, really wanted.
But the truth of it all is that I can't remember the last time I wanted something this badly. It might actually have been performing, twenty years ago -- maybe even the piano lessons I sucked at when I was 6. And I'm not entirely sure what to do with having not gotten it -- either the fact of not getting it, or myself, now that I haven't.
I'm going to look into just jumping right into the industry, changing jobs, but I'd need to figure out how much I could actually afford to lose incomewise, and what I'd need to do to keep feeding, housing & clothing myself without a struggle (or a parent). What I'm looking at, that I'm possibly qualified for...it's a 50% hit easy, incomewise, to move closer to what I'd want to do. And that's not enough to live on around here, not without some serious changes in my financial situation.
So...that's where we are. I'm still alive, if much more broken than I hoped to be around this time of year. I'll get through it, of course, "character-building," blah blah blah. But...yeah.
The fact that I now have to tell my mother that they turned me down is, of course, not helping in any way, shape or form.
I'll stop cluttering up your reading page now. Hope everyone (that I don't talk to multiple times daily)'s doing well.