overly deep/philosophical year-in-review meme. (Happy New Year! :D)
Being in Florida inevitably makes me look backwards on the person I was, the people I've known, the things I've done. And so I bring to you this meme from NYE 2004, five years ago, which was the first New Year's I spent alone since Florida. It's a little, uh, new age-y, but it's good and deep and blah blah blahcakes. And it's better than spraying "omg I'm in Florida omg too many memories omg" emo all around here to wrap up the year.
what were the things you were proud of (your evolution, your expression(s), your courage, your changes, growths, healings, experiences etc)?
School. So very much school. Turning my rejection from NYU into an amazing experience at Purchase that has clarified so much and made everything else brighter -- even when I found myself in a class that I hated. Also, reaching out to and getting involved in fandom, not being afraid to chime in where I thought I could offer value, and taking initiative where possible. And oh, yeah, writing a few things and letting the world read them.
what things are you grateful for (people, events, your body, mentors, family, your dog, your being alive etc)?
I am so grateful to my awesome prof, for being awesome and taking the time after most classes to talk to me about totally geeky, wonky things and help me clarify and pinpoint where my interests truly lie.
I'm grateful to my amazing #maddow peeps, for not only being unbelievably funny and clever, but also being really good, interesting, supportive people.
I'm grateful to the doctors that finally figured out what was wrong with my daddy's body and went ahead and started what needed to be done to make him strong again.
I'm grateful that I still have a job and money and food on my table and a roof over my head and insurance if I get sick and all of the rest of it. I complain a lot but I'm much better off than a whole lot of people this year have been and I'm truly grateful.
what things do you forgive yourself for?
I forgive myself for complaining so much.
I forgive myself for being so down on myself so much of the time.
I forgive myself for being so slow to move forward.
I forgive myself for not being able to get over things so far past.
is there anyone you'd like to reach out to, to apologize to, or to express how you feel about them to before the year ends?
I want my daddy and my brother to know how much I love them both, even though we don't talk about it ever.
I want my twitter folk to know that I'm pretty sure I couldn't have done it without them.
I want the BFF to know that I still think she is the strongest, most lovely and amazing person I've ever met my whole life, even if she doesn't believe it herself, and that I love her more than words, even if she frequently doesn't think she's worth it.
how are you different this december than you were last december?
Well, I didn't have sex. BUT SERIOUSLY FOLKS. I've been focusing more on future things and improving my life and acting instead of reacting, which I think are all good things. I'm a fuck of a lot busier and, I think, happier overall (though man, do I miss the times when I just spent weeks on end not worrying about getting things done).
how did you take better care of yourself this year?
School wins this one again. Otherwise...I've put a little more space around myself in places where I felt I needed it, I've reached out a little more to people when I've felt like I needed it. I've let my guard down a little bit more than I'm used to and I've learned a little better when to take a step back, to reevaluate or even just to breathe.
and looking forward...
what is your intention for this coming year (to love more fiercely--yourself first of course--than ever before, to slow down, to acknowledge yourself more, to express yourself in new ways etc)?
I think my intention this year is to work. Work on loving myself more, work on making my life better, work on making my house a home (once I find one), work on figuring out where I want to be (physically and otherwise). Just work.
what area of your life needs attention from you (relationships, your home, your creative personal expression, your spirituality, your friendships etc)?
Relationships, definitely. It's, uh, been a while, and what with people going off and getting married and having babies (and with 30 coming up OH MY MOTHERFUCKING GOD), it's probably something I should work on. Home and spirituality could totally use some work, too.
what things can you do this year that bring you a great sense of joy and purpose (if it's purpose without joy, i'd encourage you to keep looking :)?
Writing -- I need to find a way past this monumental writer's block. I can take the GREs, even if I don't do it to apply to grad school this year. I can (and will) finish up this arts management certificate, and I can start trying to figure out how to make use of everything I've learned -- even if it's just in a volunteer capacity for now. I can volunteer, maybe, if I can find the time. :)
what talent or gift is sitting in your back pocket that you've not yet expressed, that you may want to this year?
I feel like I've done a pretty good job of analyzing and utilizing my skills this year, though I could most certainly work on updating this thing more regularly and with more journal-like posts instead of letting myself focus so much on fannish pursuits.
what scary and exciting thing has been beckoning you, that you may take the risk of checking out this coming year (sports, reaching out to someone, trying something new etc)?
The GREs. Grad school. Writing something longish that's not porn.
what can you be grateful for IN ADVANCE, knowing that it's on its way to you (something that you know will benefit you and others, in that order)?
Finishing up my arts management certificate.
In related news, I still have no idea what I'll actually be doing at midnight tomorrow -- uh, tonight -- uh, whatever, but it'll involve both friends and liquor, so it can't be ALL bad. ;) Here's hoping whatever you're doing is just as not-bad. :P
mwahs!
~a
what were the things you were proud of (your evolution, your expression(s), your courage, your changes, growths, healings, experiences etc)?
School. So very much school. Turning my rejection from NYU into an amazing experience at Purchase that has clarified so much and made everything else brighter -- even when I found myself in a class that I hated. Also, reaching out to and getting involved in fandom, not being afraid to chime in where I thought I could offer value, and taking initiative where possible. And oh, yeah, writing a few things and letting the world read them.
what things are you grateful for (people, events, your body, mentors, family, your dog, your being alive etc)?
I am so grateful to my awesome prof, for being awesome and taking the time after most classes to talk to me about totally geeky, wonky things and help me clarify and pinpoint where my interests truly lie.
I'm grateful to my amazing #maddow peeps, for not only being unbelievably funny and clever, but also being really good, interesting, supportive people.
I'm grateful to the doctors that finally figured out what was wrong with my daddy's body and went ahead and started what needed to be done to make him strong again.
I'm grateful that I still have a job and money and food on my table and a roof over my head and insurance if I get sick and all of the rest of it. I complain a lot but I'm much better off than a whole lot of people this year have been and I'm truly grateful.
what things do you forgive yourself for?
I forgive myself for complaining so much.
I forgive myself for being so down on myself so much of the time.
I forgive myself for being so slow to move forward.
I forgive myself for not being able to get over things so far past.
is there anyone you'd like to reach out to, to apologize to, or to express how you feel about them to before the year ends?
I want my daddy and my brother to know how much I love them both, even though we don't talk about it ever.
I want my twitter folk to know that I'm pretty sure I couldn't have done it without them.
I want the BFF to know that I still think she is the strongest, most lovely and amazing person I've ever met my whole life, even if she doesn't believe it herself, and that I love her more than words, even if she frequently doesn't think she's worth it.
how are you different this december than you were last december?
Well, I didn't have sex. BUT SERIOUSLY FOLKS. I've been focusing more on future things and improving my life and acting instead of reacting, which I think are all good things. I'm a fuck of a lot busier and, I think, happier overall (though man, do I miss the times when I just spent weeks on end not worrying about getting things done).
how did you take better care of yourself this year?
School wins this one again. Otherwise...I've put a little more space around myself in places where I felt I needed it, I've reached out a little more to people when I've felt like I needed it. I've let my guard down a little bit more than I'm used to and I've learned a little better when to take a step back, to reevaluate or even just to breathe.
and looking forward...
what is your intention for this coming year (to love more fiercely--yourself first of course--than ever before, to slow down, to acknowledge yourself more, to express yourself in new ways etc)?
I think my intention this year is to work. Work on loving myself more, work on making my life better, work on making my house a home (once I find one), work on figuring out where I want to be (physically and otherwise). Just work.
what area of your life needs attention from you (relationships, your home, your creative personal expression, your spirituality, your friendships etc)?
Relationships, definitely. It's, uh, been a while, and what with people going off and getting married and having babies (and with 30 coming up OH MY MOTHERFUCKING GOD), it's probably something I should work on. Home and spirituality could totally use some work, too.
what things can you do this year that bring you a great sense of joy and purpose (if it's purpose without joy, i'd encourage you to keep looking :)?
Writing -- I need to find a way past this monumental writer's block. I can take the GREs, even if I don't do it to apply to grad school this year. I can (and will) finish up this arts management certificate, and I can start trying to figure out how to make use of everything I've learned -- even if it's just in a volunteer capacity for now. I can volunteer, maybe, if I can find the time. :)
what talent or gift is sitting in your back pocket that you've not yet expressed, that you may want to this year?
I feel like I've done a pretty good job of analyzing and utilizing my skills this year, though I could most certainly work on updating this thing more regularly and with more journal-like posts instead of letting myself focus so much on fannish pursuits.
what scary and exciting thing has been beckoning you, that you may take the risk of checking out this coming year (sports, reaching out to someone, trying something new etc)?
The GREs. Grad school. Writing something longish that's not porn.
what can you be grateful for IN ADVANCE, knowing that it's on its way to you (something that you know will benefit you and others, in that order)?
Finishing up my arts management certificate.
In related news, I still have no idea what I'll actually be doing at midnight tomorrow -- uh, tonight -- uh, whatever, but it'll involve both friends and liquor, so it can't be ALL bad. ;) Here's hoping whatever you're doing is just as not-bad. :P
mwahs!
~a