in another world, I think I'd miss you if we never met (3/?)
in another world, I think I'd miss you if we never met (3/?)
super junior m: zhou mi, kyumi
pg-13, 2542 words in chapter 3
one day, zhou mi wakes up in a world where he was never part of super junior m.
-- previous.
Han Geng came to get him later.
It might have been minutes or a hours, Zhou Mi wasn’t sure. All he knew was that by the time he was back in the apartment, he’d lost feeling in his fingers.
“How can you be so stupid?” Han Geng asked, leading him into the washroom and pulling his hands under the tap. The warm water scalded his skin. “I don’t know what you two argued about this time, but it’s always like this whenever you and Kyuhyun argue. You know you’re going to make up in the next few days anyway - why do you always do this to yourself?”
“I kissed him,” Zhou Mi said, the words falling out before he could stop himself. He waited for Han Geng’s eyes to widen, for the inevitable condemnation. He wasn’t sure exactly what he expected, but what did it matter anymore? This wasn’t just another argument, no - the difference was that Kyuhyun was never going to forgive him this time.
Han Geng looked a little surprised, then looked at him questioningly. “And then? What happened?”
Zhou Mi stared at him in incomprehension. “Ge. I’m telling you I kissed Kui Xian and you’re asking me what happened?”
Han Geng gave him an exasperatedly patient look. “What do you want me to say?”
Zhou Mi’s eloquent response was his blank expression.
“What did you expect, for me to yell at you?”
To be honest, that was the least of what Zhou Mi had expected - but apparently he really didn’t know Han Geng as well as he'd thought after all. “So, you're... okay with this?” he asked cautiously, not sure what was going on anymore.
Han Geng sighed. “I’m not going to lie and say that everything will be okay. Because I don’t know that - you know how things are.”
Zhou Mi’s heart sank, but Han Geng continued.
“If this gets out to the rest of the members, it might be hard for a while. But then again, it’s probably not as bad as you’re making it out to be - and you never now until you try. As long as this doesn’t get out to the media though, I think we’ll be okay.”
“Did Heechul tell you beforehand already?” Zhou Mi said weakly, heart beating again.
“Tell me? About what?”
Zhou Mi waved his hand in the air vaguely. “This. All this.”
“Wait what, he knew?” Han Geng asked, surprised. “How does he know?”
“He figured it out that one week he was here.”
“How did he figure it out in six days when I didn’t know for sure until you admitted it just now?” Han Geng sighed, sounding exasperated. “He’d never going to let me hear the end of this.”
Zhou Mi managed to give him a small smile.
It took him an entire three days after that to find Kyuhyun alone. It seemed as if every time he saw the younger man, Kyuhyun was surrounded by other members. Even when he went into Kyuhyun's room the other day, Zhou Mi had found Ryeowook sitting with him and Donghae sprawled out on the carpet listening to music.
When he finally did find Kyuhyun by himself, the other man seemed firmly absorbed in a stack of papers. Pulling up a chair beside him, Zhou Mi sighed. “Kui Xian, can we talk?” he asked quietly.
Kyuhyun didn’t look up from what he was reading. “Sorry, but I’m kind of in the middle of something right now,” he said, voice tight.
Zhou Mi suppressed the irrational urge to reach forward and wrench the papers out of Kyuhyun’s hands - but his brain couldn't help asking what was so important that Kyuhyun wouldn’t even look at him. Instead, he reached out and put a hand on Kyuhyun’s arm. The other man tensed immediately under his touch.
“Please,” he said, ignoring the flare of hurt in his chest. “This is important.”
Kyuhyun exhaled loudly before finally dropping the papers onto the table beside him. “Yes?” he asked, looking up expectantly.
Zhou Mi felt his stomach seize up. He took in a deep breath. “I. Just wanted to explain. About the other day.”
Kyuhyun shook his head. “Really, there’s no need. You had one too many sips of alcohol - we all know how low your tolerance is - and weren’t in your right mind. Let’s just agree that it was a big mistake, nothing more, and forget about it. What else is there to say?”
Zhou Mi’s stomach dropped. For a moment, he was tempted - Kyuhyun was giving him a way out. If he agreed, then things would eventually go back to normal. But how long would he be able to keep up the pretense this time?
“Kui Xian,” he said after a long pause. “I didn’t drink that night.”
Kyuhyun stared at him. “Stop it,” he said flatly after a moment. “Stop it, take that back.”
“No,” Zhou Mi said, shaking his head. “I’m sorry, but I can’t. I’m not going to lie to you, Kui Xian.” He swallowed hard. “I. I’m attracted to you. I’ve known that for months. And even if I’m sorry for springing that kiss on you, I’m not going to apologize for liking you. I can’t take that back.” Another pause. “A-and you had to have known - you’ve been avoiding me all week.”
Kyuhyun stared at him.
Zhou Mi waited.
The younger man finally shook his head. “Do you even know what you’re saying right now,” he asked, no hint of inflection in his voice.
Zhou Mi flinched.
“When are you going to get it into your head, Zhou Mi? What you’re saying - it’s impossible, why won’t you get it? It’s wrong.”
“Why,” Zhou Mi whispered, even when he knew that he should just stay silent.
“Why? You know why. What else do you want me to say?” Kyuhyun shook his head. “It wasn't meant to be this way, Zhou Mi.”
He’d already given his all - what was there to lose? “But I love you,” Zhou Mi choked out, hoping against hope (even if his mind was calling him a fool) that that would make some sort of difference.
There was bitterness in Kyuhyun’s eyes when he looked up. “I’m sorry, Zhou Mi, but just. I thought you were my friend - one of my best friends, even. Why did you have to be like this?” He laughed humourlessly, the sound tugging at Zhou Mi’s heart strings.
“Kui Xian,” Zhou Mi said, biting down on his lips. “Please. I - Don’t do this to me.” Not knowing what else he could say, he reached out instead, as if to put his hand on Kyuhyun’s arm, but his fingertips had barely grazed the material of Kyuhyun’s shirt when the younger man pulled away.
“Stay away from me from now on,” Kyuhyun said roughly, then turned and swept out of the room.
He’d been so eager to leave that he’d even forgotten his papers, Zhou Mi thought, his own laugh choking him.
Avoiding Kyuhyun was a lot easier than he'd thought - possibly because Kyuhyun was obviously avoiding him as well. Zhou Mi had taken to hiding out in his room a lot - what else was new, he thought half-bitterly, shaking his head at himself - while Kyuhyun apparently did the same. Whenever they ran into each other, Zhou Mi would feel himself freeze up, while Kyuhyun would just turn away and keep going as if he hadn’t seen Zhou Mi.
It hurt, even if Zhou Mi couldn’t quite admit it out loud.
The other members noticed, of course. Han Geng had come to talk to him immediately, having figured out what must have happened, but Zhou Mi had tiredly told him that he didn’t want to talk about it right now (or ever, for that matter, if Zhou Mi had a choice about it). Donghae and Ryeowook, with their worried gazes and probing questions, were harder to deal with, but Zhou Mi had put them off (for the time being, at any rate), claiming that he just needed a little time to himself right now.
“Ge, are you and Kyuhyun fighting?” Henry had asked, and Zhou Mi had just nodded, not sure what else he could say.
Siwon chose the subtler route, popping into Zhou Mi’s room one night when everyone else was still downstairs. “Hyung,” he’d said, tone concerned but earnest. “You know I’ll always be here if you ever want to talk, right?”
Zhou Mi had given him a forced smile before sending him away, his heart clenching all the while. What would you think of me if you knew what I’ve done? he wondered. He didn’t want to know how Siwon would react if he ever found out about everything.
Performances were still alright - they knew the steps and lyrics so well by now that everything had long become automatic - but interviews were the worst. There was no way to switch up their order without raising questions, and so Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi were inevitably seated right next to each other. While Kyuhyun seemed to have no problems keeping up a convincing façade, Zhou Mi wasn’t quite as good an actor. Although the other members tried their best to cut in and diffuse tension as much as they could, every time they went onstage, Zhou Mi couldn’t help but feel as if their internal conflict was obvious for the world to see.
He hated it. He hated their whole group was falling apart from the inside because of his actions - his selfish, foolish actions. Even more than that, he hated that Kyuhyun wouldn’t even look at him.
If he was honest with himself, it wasn’t even about being in love. It was true that he missed Kyuhyun because he liked him, but even more than that - he missed Kyuhyun as a friend. He’d grown reliant to the younger man in the last few years, too used to having a sarcastic comment whispered in his ear to keep him from falling asleep on air and impromptu video game matches that Zhou Mi always lost.
When he finally couldn't stand it anymore, Zhou Mi took to going out instead. He knew that it wasn't a good idea, and that if he was ever recognized, their manager would never let him hear the end of it - but anything was better than the stifling atmosphere of their dorm. He didn't go far - just to the small park a couple blocks from their building. It was a quiet place - sometimes there were elderly people exercising in the morning, but no one was likely to recognize him. Despite his hectic schedule, Zhou Mi wasn't a big sleeper - he'd always been a morning person, and after what had happened with Kyuhyun, he'd taken to waking up even earlier to hide out in the park until daily schedules started.
It was on one such morning, when he was trying to finish up another song on the abandoned park bench when something - he wasn't sure what, exactly - caused him to look up. To his surprise, there wasn't anyone nearby except for an old lady who was cutting across the grass a few meters away from him. She was a tiny thing, her back hunched over as she tried to block the slight breeze with her shawl and shuffle the numerous plastic bags she was carrying at the same time. She must've been at the marketplace early to get the day's groceries, Zhou Mi thought, suddenly thinking of his own grandmother's habits.
On impulse, he stood up. "Excuse me!" he called out, raising his voice so that he would be heard. "Excuse me, but do you need any help with that?"
For a second, he thought he hadn't been heard - but then she slowed down and looked up at him. "Would you really?" she asked, her voice sounding a little raspy as she struggled with the bags again. "I'm afraid things got a little heavier than I was expecting."
"Of course," Zhou Mi, running up to pick up her bags. They were actually surprisingly heavy, even for Zhou Mi, and he wondered how she'd managed to make it this far. "Do you live close by?" And then, not wanting to scare her, he quickly added, "I can carry it for you until we get to your apartment or something and then I'll leave."
The old woman laughed, a soft croaking sound. She had unusual eyes, Zhou Mi noticed - they were so dark they were almost black. "What a nice boy you are," she said, giving him a half-smile. "If you would just help me to the other side of the park, I'll be fine after that."
"Of course," Zhou Mi agreed easily, heading in the direction she'd pointed out. He made sure to stay just a few steps ahead of her, so that she could see what he was doing.
When they reached the other side, Zhou Mi gave her a smile and handed her bags back. "There you go! Are you sure you don't need more help?"
She looked up at him instead of answering his question. "You really are a good person, aren't you," she said, her eyes meeting his, and her gaze was unexpectedly piercing. "I think... for your help today, I'll throw in a wish."
Zhou Mi looked at her blankly. "What?" he asked uncertainly, wondering if this was her idea of a joke.
"A wish, my boy. Anything you want," she said, ignoring any hesitance on his part.
He definitely hadn't misheard that second time. Giving her a weak smile, he mentally wondered if she was aware of what she was saying. "You want me to make one?" he asked instead. "Anything?"
She nodded.
Well. He'd helped her with her bags already - humoring her once more wouldn't hurt. "I wish things would go back to the way it was," he said simply, the first thought that rose in his mind. "Is that good enough?"
"If you're sure that's what you want, Zhou Mi," she said, turning to go at his nod. As she did so, Zhou Mi had the oddest feeling that her eyes had changed colors - but her back was already to him as she walked down the street.
There was a sudden breeze, and Zhou Mi thought he heard the sound of talking. Looking up, he saw that the morning senior exercise group had showed up and were slowly making their way down the other side of the park. Looking down at his watch, he sighed - if he didn't want to be found gone, he'd have to head back to the dorms soon. He had a long day ahead.
By the time he looked down the street again, the old lady from earlier had disappeared.
It never occurred to him that he'd never told her his name.
-- tbc.
super junior m: zhou mi, kyumi
pg-13, 2542 words in chapter 3
one day, zhou mi wakes up in a world where he was never part of super junior m.
-- previous.
Han Geng came to get him later.
It might have been minutes or a hours, Zhou Mi wasn’t sure. All he knew was that by the time he was back in the apartment, he’d lost feeling in his fingers.
“How can you be so stupid?” Han Geng asked, leading him into the washroom and pulling his hands under the tap. The warm water scalded his skin. “I don’t know what you two argued about this time, but it’s always like this whenever you and Kyuhyun argue. You know you’re going to make up in the next few days anyway - why do you always do this to yourself?”
“I kissed him,” Zhou Mi said, the words falling out before he could stop himself. He waited for Han Geng’s eyes to widen, for the inevitable condemnation. He wasn’t sure exactly what he expected, but what did it matter anymore? This wasn’t just another argument, no - the difference was that Kyuhyun was never going to forgive him this time.
Han Geng looked a little surprised, then looked at him questioningly. “And then? What happened?”
Zhou Mi stared at him in incomprehension. “Ge. I’m telling you I kissed Kui Xian and you’re asking me what happened?”
Han Geng gave him an exasperatedly patient look. “What do you want me to say?”
Zhou Mi’s eloquent response was his blank expression.
“What did you expect, for me to yell at you?”
To be honest, that was the least of what Zhou Mi had expected - but apparently he really didn’t know Han Geng as well as he'd thought after all. “So, you're... okay with this?” he asked cautiously, not sure what was going on anymore.
Han Geng sighed. “I’m not going to lie and say that everything will be okay. Because I don’t know that - you know how things are.”
Zhou Mi’s heart sank, but Han Geng continued.
“If this gets out to the rest of the members, it might be hard for a while. But then again, it’s probably not as bad as you’re making it out to be - and you never now until you try. As long as this doesn’t get out to the media though, I think we’ll be okay.”
“Did Heechul tell you beforehand already?” Zhou Mi said weakly, heart beating again.
“Tell me? About what?”
Zhou Mi waved his hand in the air vaguely. “This. All this.”
“Wait what, he knew?” Han Geng asked, surprised. “How does he know?”
“He figured it out that one week he was here.”
“How did he figure it out in six days when I didn’t know for sure until you admitted it just now?” Han Geng sighed, sounding exasperated. “He’d never going to let me hear the end of this.”
Zhou Mi managed to give him a small smile.
It took him an entire three days after that to find Kyuhyun alone. It seemed as if every time he saw the younger man, Kyuhyun was surrounded by other members. Even when he went into Kyuhyun's room the other day, Zhou Mi had found Ryeowook sitting with him and Donghae sprawled out on the carpet listening to music.
When he finally did find Kyuhyun by himself, the other man seemed firmly absorbed in a stack of papers. Pulling up a chair beside him, Zhou Mi sighed. “Kui Xian, can we talk?” he asked quietly.
Kyuhyun didn’t look up from what he was reading. “Sorry, but I’m kind of in the middle of something right now,” he said, voice tight.
Zhou Mi suppressed the irrational urge to reach forward and wrench the papers out of Kyuhyun’s hands - but his brain couldn't help asking what was so important that Kyuhyun wouldn’t even look at him. Instead, he reached out and put a hand on Kyuhyun’s arm. The other man tensed immediately under his touch.
“Please,” he said, ignoring the flare of hurt in his chest. “This is important.”
Kyuhyun exhaled loudly before finally dropping the papers onto the table beside him. “Yes?” he asked, looking up expectantly.
Zhou Mi felt his stomach seize up. He took in a deep breath. “I. Just wanted to explain. About the other day.”
Kyuhyun shook his head. “Really, there’s no need. You had one too many sips of alcohol - we all know how low your tolerance is - and weren’t in your right mind. Let’s just agree that it was a big mistake, nothing more, and forget about it. What else is there to say?”
Zhou Mi’s stomach dropped. For a moment, he was tempted - Kyuhyun was giving him a way out. If he agreed, then things would eventually go back to normal. But how long would he be able to keep up the pretense this time?
“Kui Xian,” he said after a long pause. “I didn’t drink that night.”
Kyuhyun stared at him. “Stop it,” he said flatly after a moment. “Stop it, take that back.”
“No,” Zhou Mi said, shaking his head. “I’m sorry, but I can’t. I’m not going to lie to you, Kui Xian.” He swallowed hard. “I. I’m attracted to you. I’ve known that for months. And even if I’m sorry for springing that kiss on you, I’m not going to apologize for liking you. I can’t take that back.” Another pause. “A-and you had to have known - you’ve been avoiding me all week.”
Kyuhyun stared at him.
Zhou Mi waited.
The younger man finally shook his head. “Do you even know what you’re saying right now,” he asked, no hint of inflection in his voice.
Zhou Mi flinched.
“When are you going to get it into your head, Zhou Mi? What you’re saying - it’s impossible, why won’t you get it? It’s wrong.”
“Why,” Zhou Mi whispered, even when he knew that he should just stay silent.
“Why? You know why. What else do you want me to say?” Kyuhyun shook his head. “It wasn't meant to be this way, Zhou Mi.”
He’d already given his all - what was there to lose? “But I love you,” Zhou Mi choked out, hoping against hope (even if his mind was calling him a fool) that that would make some sort of difference.
There was bitterness in Kyuhyun’s eyes when he looked up. “I’m sorry, Zhou Mi, but just. I thought you were my friend - one of my best friends, even. Why did you have to be like this?” He laughed humourlessly, the sound tugging at Zhou Mi’s heart strings.
“Kui Xian,” Zhou Mi said, biting down on his lips. “Please. I - Don’t do this to me.” Not knowing what else he could say, he reached out instead, as if to put his hand on Kyuhyun’s arm, but his fingertips had barely grazed the material of Kyuhyun’s shirt when the younger man pulled away.
“Stay away from me from now on,” Kyuhyun said roughly, then turned and swept out of the room.
He’d been so eager to leave that he’d even forgotten his papers, Zhou Mi thought, his own laugh choking him.
Avoiding Kyuhyun was a lot easier than he'd thought - possibly because Kyuhyun was obviously avoiding him as well. Zhou Mi had taken to hiding out in his room a lot - what else was new, he thought half-bitterly, shaking his head at himself - while Kyuhyun apparently did the same. Whenever they ran into each other, Zhou Mi would feel himself freeze up, while Kyuhyun would just turn away and keep going as if he hadn’t seen Zhou Mi.
It hurt, even if Zhou Mi couldn’t quite admit it out loud.
The other members noticed, of course. Han Geng had come to talk to him immediately, having figured out what must have happened, but Zhou Mi had tiredly told him that he didn’t want to talk about it right now (or ever, for that matter, if Zhou Mi had a choice about it). Donghae and Ryeowook, with their worried gazes and probing questions, were harder to deal with, but Zhou Mi had put them off (for the time being, at any rate), claiming that he just needed a little time to himself right now.
“Ge, are you and Kyuhyun fighting?” Henry had asked, and Zhou Mi had just nodded, not sure what else he could say.
Siwon chose the subtler route, popping into Zhou Mi’s room one night when everyone else was still downstairs. “Hyung,” he’d said, tone concerned but earnest. “You know I’ll always be here if you ever want to talk, right?”
Zhou Mi had given him a forced smile before sending him away, his heart clenching all the while. What would you think of me if you knew what I’ve done? he wondered. He didn’t want to know how Siwon would react if he ever found out about everything.
Performances were still alright - they knew the steps and lyrics so well by now that everything had long become automatic - but interviews were the worst. There was no way to switch up their order without raising questions, and so Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi were inevitably seated right next to each other. While Kyuhyun seemed to have no problems keeping up a convincing façade, Zhou Mi wasn’t quite as good an actor. Although the other members tried their best to cut in and diffuse tension as much as they could, every time they went onstage, Zhou Mi couldn’t help but feel as if their internal conflict was obvious for the world to see.
He hated it. He hated their whole group was falling apart from the inside because of his actions - his selfish, foolish actions. Even more than that, he hated that Kyuhyun wouldn’t even look at him.
If he was honest with himself, it wasn’t even about being in love. It was true that he missed Kyuhyun because he liked him, but even more than that - he missed Kyuhyun as a friend. He’d grown reliant to the younger man in the last few years, too used to having a sarcastic comment whispered in his ear to keep him from falling asleep on air and impromptu video game matches that Zhou Mi always lost.
When he finally couldn't stand it anymore, Zhou Mi took to going out instead. He knew that it wasn't a good idea, and that if he was ever recognized, their manager would never let him hear the end of it - but anything was better than the stifling atmosphere of their dorm. He didn't go far - just to the small park a couple blocks from their building. It was a quiet place - sometimes there were elderly people exercising in the morning, but no one was likely to recognize him. Despite his hectic schedule, Zhou Mi wasn't a big sleeper - he'd always been a morning person, and after what had happened with Kyuhyun, he'd taken to waking up even earlier to hide out in the park until daily schedules started.
It was on one such morning, when he was trying to finish up another song on the abandoned park bench when something - he wasn't sure what, exactly - caused him to look up. To his surprise, there wasn't anyone nearby except for an old lady who was cutting across the grass a few meters away from him. She was a tiny thing, her back hunched over as she tried to block the slight breeze with her shawl and shuffle the numerous plastic bags she was carrying at the same time. She must've been at the marketplace early to get the day's groceries, Zhou Mi thought, suddenly thinking of his own grandmother's habits.
On impulse, he stood up. "Excuse me!" he called out, raising his voice so that he would be heard. "Excuse me, but do you need any help with that?"
For a second, he thought he hadn't been heard - but then she slowed down and looked up at him. "Would you really?" she asked, her voice sounding a little raspy as she struggled with the bags again. "I'm afraid things got a little heavier than I was expecting."
"Of course," Zhou Mi, running up to pick up her bags. They were actually surprisingly heavy, even for Zhou Mi, and he wondered how she'd managed to make it this far. "Do you live close by?" And then, not wanting to scare her, he quickly added, "I can carry it for you until we get to your apartment or something and then I'll leave."
The old woman laughed, a soft croaking sound. She had unusual eyes, Zhou Mi noticed - they were so dark they were almost black. "What a nice boy you are," she said, giving him a half-smile. "If you would just help me to the other side of the park, I'll be fine after that."
"Of course," Zhou Mi agreed easily, heading in the direction she'd pointed out. He made sure to stay just a few steps ahead of her, so that she could see what he was doing.
When they reached the other side, Zhou Mi gave her a smile and handed her bags back. "There you go! Are you sure you don't need more help?"
She looked up at him instead of answering his question. "You really are a good person, aren't you," she said, her eyes meeting his, and her gaze was unexpectedly piercing. "I think... for your help today, I'll throw in a wish."
Zhou Mi looked at her blankly. "What?" he asked uncertainly, wondering if this was her idea of a joke.
"A wish, my boy. Anything you want," she said, ignoring any hesitance on his part.
He definitely hadn't misheard that second time. Giving her a weak smile, he mentally wondered if she was aware of what she was saying. "You want me to make one?" he asked instead. "Anything?"
She nodded.
Well. He'd helped her with her bags already - humoring her once more wouldn't hurt. "I wish things would go back to the way it was," he said simply, the first thought that rose in his mind. "Is that good enough?"
"If you're sure that's what you want, Zhou Mi," she said, turning to go at his nod. As she did so, Zhou Mi had the oddest feeling that her eyes had changed colors - but her back was already to him as she walked down the street.
There was a sudden breeze, and Zhou Mi thought he heard the sound of talking. Looking up, he saw that the morning senior exercise group had showed up and were slowly making their way down the other side of the park. Looking down at his watch, he sighed - if he didn't want to be found gone, he'd have to head back to the dorms soon. He had a long day ahead.
By the time he looked down the street again, the old lady from earlier had disappeared.
It never occurred to him that he'd never told her his name.
-- tbc.