in another world, I think I'd miss you if we never met (2/?)
in another world, I think I'd miss you if we never met (2/?)
super junior m: zhou mi, kyumi
pg-13, 3365 words in chapter 2
one day, zhou mi wakes up in a world where he was never part of super junior m.
-- previous.
Love stories are hard to tell, especially forbidden ones. Often, time seems irrelevant, and your days become defined not by the ticks of the second hand but by the moments with him that stand out in your memory. His smiles and actions become your signpost, snapshots that mark the passage of time, and all of the in-betweens become hazy and irrelevant.
1.
Zhou Mi was trying to wrap up at least one of the seemingly endless number of songs he’d started but never finished when he heard of the door to the workroom opening. He knew without looking up who it had to be - no one else would be insane enough to stay up this late, not when they had schedules starting from the crack of dawn tomorrow.
“What are you doing?” Kyuhyun yawned, then pulled a chair over so that he could sit next to Zhou Mi.
Zhou Mi fought back a smile. “Writing,” he said simply. “Are you done your video game?”
A nod. “I’m tired,” Kyuhyun said, eyes almost-swollen from staring at his laptop screen for too long.
“Go to sleep.”
“Don’t want to.” Kyuhyun leaned over to look at what Zhou Mi was scribbling down, their shoulders brushing. Zhou Mi tensed as he realized that Kyuhyun’s face was suddenly right beside his.
Apparently, Kyuhyun noticed - far too perceptive for someone half-asleep, Zhou Mi thought - because the younger man gave him a confused look. “What’s wrong?”
Zhou Mi shook his head. “Nothing.” He read out two variations of the lyrics he’d just written down. “Hey, which sounds better?”
“The second one,” Kyuhyun replied without hesitating, then shook his head, lips curling into a lazy smile. “I don’t know why you always ask me though - it’s not like I understand any of the Chinese you’re writing down.”
Zhou Mi shrugged, choosing not to reply. His throat was strangely dry.
Kyuhyun went silent after that, just watching him as Zhou Mi tried to go back to writing. He found that it took him longer than usual to focus though, his mind wandering more than it usually did.
Upon noticing fifteen minutes later that the room had gone quiet, he glanced at the figure next to him and realized that Kyuhyun had nodded off. Like the rest of them, the other man had perfected the art of sleeping in a chair - the inevitable result of trying to make up for missing hours of rest in any place possible. Kyuhyun's body was slightly curled up, his face lowered and relaxed. To Zhou Mi, he looked strangely vulnerable.
Not wanting to wake him up, Zhou Mi quietly went to grab the jacket hanging in the closet. As he laid it over Kyuhyun, the other man shifted in his sleep. He mumbled something under his breath, and Zhou Mi froze, waiting to see if he would wake up. The light of Zhou Mi’s lamp cast soft shadows across Kyuhyun's face, deepening the dark circles under his eyes that were normally hidden away by makeup.
His eyelashes were impossibly long, and Zhou Mi was close enough to count each individual one.
This abrupt realization propelled him back into reality. Pulling himself upright so fast that his head spun, he swallowed hard before escaping out of the room and into the washroom. The latter seemed to have become his sanctuary lately, he thought wryly.
The splash of cold water on his skin woke him up a little, but did nothing to distract his mind.
He tried to dispel any thoughts of the other man, but the more Zhou Mi tried, the more he failed, until all he could think of was Kyuhyun Kyuhyun Kyuhyun. The warmth in his eyes as they exchanged inside jokes, the familiar sweep of his brows, and the sound of his ringing laughter (the ones he never hid, not from Zhou Mi).
Zhou Mi laughed dryly and buried his face into his hands. He really was going to ruin them all.
2.
“Look, eleven minutes past eleven,” Ryeowook said, pointing to the clock, and indeed it was.
“Quick, make a wish,” Zhou Mi told Kyuhyun, and grinned at the disgruntled look the other man gave him.
“You know I don’t believe any of that, hyung. Why don’t you make one then?”
“I already did,” Zhou Mi replied - and really, he had. In the split second after Ryeowook had spoken, his mind had already jumped to the one thing he wanted more than anything else, the one thing he couldn’t have.
Kyuhyun raised an eyebrow, clearly not believing him. “Oh really? What did you wish for then?”
There was a small pause.
Zhou Mi shook his head, letting his lips curve up. “What’s the fun if I told you, Kui Xian? Besides, aren’t wishes supposed to be kept secret?”
Kyuhyun exhaled loudly. “You are such a girl,” he declared.
Zhou Mi laughed quietly, but Kyuhyun didn’t hear, having already gone off to check if there was any more takeout left in the fridge. Maybe it was a good thing he didn’t though - because anyone would have been able to hear the forced quality of that laugh.
Don’t you know? It’s you. I wished for you.
3.
Heechul came to visit.
Zhou Mi had no idea how he managed, considering how busy they all were and how crazy Heechul's schedule must have been - but Heechul managed, alright. He brought with him his cackling laughter and much more luggage than what should’ve been necessary for his less-than-a-week-long stay. Walking through the doors, he promptly dumped his large suitcase into Zhou Mi’s arms before demanding that Han Geng make him fried rice. Han Geng laughed, calling him unreasonable even as he went to grab the eggs from the fridge, while Siwon quickly took the suitcase from Zhou Mi’s tiring arms and brought them upstairs to the room Han Geng and Heechul were sharing.
Somehow, the dorm itself seemed to have more energy with Heechul around, although Zhou Mi wasn’t sure how that was actually possible. The redhead flounced around the rooms in his free time, entertaining himself with Zhou Mi’s laptop and the tv when Super Junior M were out for schedules and the members themselves when everyone was back.
The night before Heechul had to get back to Korea happened to be a rare night without activities for everyone. Zhou Mi had a sneaking suspicion that Han Geng had somehow worked something out with the manager to make sure their schedule would be empty, but he didn’t voice his thoughts out loud. Instead, he found himself curled up on the floor, leaning against the side of the (very full) couch and watching Kyuhyun and Heechul doing their long-awaited video game battle.
Kyuhyun was resting on his stomach, his legs kicked up comfortably in the air behind him as he faced the tv screen, control clutched between his hands. His brows were furrowed in concentration, the muscles around his lips tense as he set about attempting to decapitate the little green monsters running around on screen.
“Yes!” Kyuhyun cheered unexpectedly, startling Zhou Mi, who abruptly realized that he’d been staring. Quickly averting his eyes and turning to Heechul, he noticed with a sudden sense of dread that Heechul wasn’t bemoaning losing the round - or even looking at the screen, for that matter. He was watching Zhou Mi instead, a curious look in his eyes before he paused, looked at Kyuhyun, and then turned back to Zhou Mi.
Heart lurching, Zhou Mi avoided Heechul’s gaze. Calm down, he told himself. No matter how sharp Heechul was, he wasn't psychic - there was no way he could know. Regardless, his heart continued to pound uncomfortably. Just as Zhou Mi was about to stand up and make an excuse to leave the room, however, Kyuhyun turned and thrust his controls into Zhou Mi’s hands. “Here, play the next round, I need to use the washroom. And you’d better not kill off my player before I get back or I’ll hide all of your stuffed Hello Kitties.”
“What, no -” Zhou Mi started, because not only did he fail at video games (despite great effort on his part) and Kyuhyun’s character would most certainly be dead by the time he got back, this also completely ruined Zhou Mi’s plan to make a quick exit and get out of Heechul’s sight. Unfortunately for Zhou Mi, Kyuhyun was gone before he could finish his protest.
“What, scared of playing me, Seasoning?” Heechul cackled, voice unexpectedly close, and Zhou Mi nearly fell over. The redhead gave him a deceptively laid-back glance. “Why so jumpy?” he asked, tone amused.
“I’m just afraid I’m going to kill Kyuhyun’s player before he gets back - you know I can’t do video games, hyung,” Zhou Mi said quickly, thankful that his voice was coming out normally, at least.
“And we wouldn’t want Kyuhyun to be angry with you, do we?” Heechul smirked.
In that moment, Zhou Mi knew with a frightening certainty that Heechul knew. He didn’t know why or how - considering he’d never let a word of this slip - but somehow, Heechul had figured it out. Zhou Mi had always noticed that the redhair was more perceptive than most, and apparently, he had slipped up one time too many without even noticing it.
“Donghae!” Zhou Mi said, throwing the control into Donghae’s lap before the other man could protest. “You play against Heechul-hyung, okay? I have to go for a second.”
He made his way up to his and Donghae’s shared room, heart pounding. Throwing himself onto his bed, he buried his face under his covers. What was he going to do? Would Heechul tell anyone? Who would he tell? The rest of the members? His manager? Or even worse, Kyuhyun?
As he attempted to smother himself with his pillow, he was struck with another sobering thought. If Heechul could figure it out in less than a week, then who else could?
There was a sharp knock on his door before he could work himself into further panic, and Zhou Mi froze.
“What the hell, did you lock the door, Seasoning? Didn’t Kyungie say you guys didn’t lock doors here?” There was an impatient pause. “If you don’t open up in the next five seconds, I’m going to get Kyuhyun. And make him break this down.”
That was an utterly ridiculous thing to say, considering there was no way Kyuhyun would blindly listen to Heechul and break down doors whenever he was told to do so, but the only thing Zhou Mi's mind registered was that Heechul was threatening to get Kyuhyun. Immediately scrambling up, he dashed over like the devil was behind him, turning the lock and flinging the door open.
Heechul looked amused at his disheveled appearance. Shutting the door behind him as he walked in, the redhead decisively sat himself down on Donghae’s bed. “So. When are you going to tell him?”
“Tell who?” Zhou Mi asked, trying to keep his voice from trembling.
Heechul rolled his eyes. “Oh please, don’t pretend you’re stupid when I know you’re not. Kyuhyun, of course. When are you going to tell him you like him?”
It was the first time anyone had voiced it like that - Zhou Mi had never even said it out loud to himself - and he had the sudden urge to run forward and cover Heechul’s mouth. What if Kyuhyun’s standing outside the door? that pesky, paranoid voice in his head asked him, and he determinedly pushed it back. “I," he started, then stopped, not knowing what to say. "How did you know,” he asked instead in a small voice.
“Because unlike everyone else who seems to be living here, I’m actually not blind,” Heechul said, rolling his eyes. “It’s kind of obvious, okay? You’re always looking at him, asking his opinion, turning to him even when there’s no reason to.”
Zhou Mi stared down at his hands. His knuckles were white.
Heechul sighed. “Look, don’t be such a girl, Seasoning. You only live life once. Just tell him - what do you have to lose?”
Zhou Mi looked up in disbelief at that. How could Heechul even ask a question like that? “Everyone would hate me,” he said.
“If by everyone, you mean the members, then you’re deluded.” Heechul shook his head. “I know Siwon and Donghae and whatnot are religious people, and I’m not saying they’ll be perfectly okay with it - but give them some credit, okay? They’ve known you for a while, and you’re with each other twenty-four seven - they know by now that you’re not the spawn of the devil or something no matter who you end up liking. As for the fangirls? Sure, some of them will have problems with it - but who cares about that? It’s your life, screw what they think.” Heechul sighed. “Actually, you know what? I’m pretty sure a lot of them will actually be jumping for joy.” He waved away Zhou Mi’s look of disbelief. “What, do you not follow the fan sites or something? Do you know how many people are rooting for Qmi? It’s almost rivaling Hanchul.”
Zhou Mi’s jaw was on the floor.
Heechul nodded at his shock. “I know right, it’s ridiculous - clearly Hanchul is superior. Are people deluded or something?”
“Hyung,” Zhou Mi said weakly, at a loss for words. Heechul had somehow taken all his worries from the last few months and made them seem so simple. Which wasn't to say the world worked exactly as Heechul had described it, but regardless.
“Trust me Seasoning, things wouldn’t be as horrible as you’re making it out to be.” Heechul said airily, flicking his hair back. “I said so, didn’t I? And we know I’m always right.”
Zhou Mi gave a hesitant smile.
However inaccurate he thought Heechul's reassurances were, he had to admit that he was feeling much better than he had in a long time. At least there was one person in the world who knew and didn't begrudge him for it. “Thanks hyung.”
“Now hurry up and stop sulking. I’m going back downstairs so I can kick Kyuhyun’s butt in the next round. If I don’t see you in the next ten minutes, I’m going to send someone up to drag you down.”
“Yes hyung,” Zhou Mi said dutifully. He bit back his smile as Heechul flounced out of the room.
He was really glad Heechul had come to visit, he decided.
4.
Kyuhyun's father was sick.
The news came by phone, and they didn't know if it was serious or not, but Zhou Mi could only watch as Kyuhyun's face grew paler and paler by the second. Everyone knew that there was no way for Kyuhyun to return to Korea right now - not when an album was ready to be released and promoted - and for a second, Zhou Mi hated whoever had decided to call Kyuhyun at all. He knew that it was awful of him to think such a thing, that Kyuhyun deserved to know what was going on with his family - but the information was doing nothing more than torture Kyuhyun when they all knew that there was nothing the other could do to help.
That night, Donghae quietly slipped out of their room after shooting Zhou Mi a look. A few minutes later, Kyuhyun came in. His face was expressionless, but Zhou Mi knew Kyuhyun well enough by now to interpret the angle of his slouch and the look in his eyes.
Heart lurching at the sight, he hesitantly reached forward before throwing caution to the wind and pulling Kyuhyun close. For once, Kyuhyun didn’t protest, just going limp and letting himself be held.
The younger man's body felt warm against his own, and Zhou Mi had never hated himself more for the low, helpless burn in the pit of his stomach.
5.
They won their first award for Super Girl two months after it’s release, and the night was spent in celebration. They couldn’t leave the dorm without being mobbed by fangirls, but their manager brought in food and the alcohol stash was brought out.
Zhou Mi stood out on the balcony, hidden in the near-darkness. It was drizzling, just a little, and the wind felt cold against his skin. He knew that if Han Geng noticed him, he would get berated for being stupid enough to be outside in this weather without even a jacket on, but Han Geng was too busy laughing and celebrating to notice him right now. Zhou Mi actually preferred it this way - he needed a little time to clear his head right now.
His breath came out as fog, lingering for just a second before disappearing into the sky like cigarette smoke.
The balcony door suddenly opened behind him, and Zhou Mi found his own jacket dumped into his arms.
“Thanks,” he said quietly, pulling it on.
Kyuhyun glared at him. “Hurry up and get inside. You’re going to make yourself sick.”
“I’ll be there in just a second,” Zhou Mi said. “You go back in.”
“No, I’ll wait with you,” Kyuhyun said stubbornly, and Zhou Mi bit back his smile at the irritation in the younger man's voice. “What are you even doing out here? It’s freezing.”
“Thinking.”
“What can you think about out here that you can’t think about inside anyway?” Kyuhyun abruptly leaned over, stuffing his hands into Zhou Mi’s jacket pockets before Zhou Mi could reply. “Anyway, think faster. My fingers are going to fall off.”
Zhou Mi shivered, but it had nothing to do with the cold. He could feel Kyuhyun’s body heat at his side, warming him up far more than any item of clothing could. There was a deliciously warm feeling in his chest, and his throat was suddenly paper dry.
“Zhou Mi?” Kyuhyun leaned even closer, tilting his head to look up at him. “Why aren’t you talking?”
Their faces were mere inches apart.
“Kui Xian,” Zhou Mi said quietly. And then he leaned forward and kissed him.
Kyuhyun’s lips were dry, probably a result of never using any of the lip balms the stylists were continually throwing their way. Zhou Mi brushed his tongue tentatively against the slightly chapped lips, almost a question - and then Kyuhyun was kissing him back.
It was far from perfect. Kyuhyun tasted slightly like the beer they'd been drinking earlier, and his arms were wrapped around Zhou Mi’s neck, his fingers icy against the Zhou Mi’s skin. It was a slightly awkward fit, all bumping noses and grasping hands - and it was better than anything Zhou Mi had ever imagined.
And then, just as abruptly, Kyuhyun wrenched himself back, something like horror rising in his eyes as he looked at Zhou Mi.
For a second, Zhou Mi was quiet, his mind still in a daze - but then something about Kyuhyun’s expression pulled him back to reality, and the knowledge of what he’d done hit him all at once with the force of a brick wall. What had he done?
Zhou Mi didn’t know what to say. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I didn't mean to do that,” he babbled, words coming out his mouth without his consent. “I. Really. I just - I never should have done that, I’m so sorry, Kui Xian, I -”
The rest of his words were cut off as Kyuhyun pulled open the balcony door and just about launched himself back into the apartment. Everyone else looked up at the noise, but Kyuhyun didn't even pause as he strode upstairs without a word. The glass door slid shut again behind him, leaving Zhou Mi alone with his mantra of I’m sorry.
-- next.
super junior m: zhou mi, kyumi
pg-13, 3365 words in chapter 2
one day, zhou mi wakes up in a world where he was never part of super junior m.
-- previous.
Love stories are hard to tell, especially forbidden ones. Often, time seems irrelevant, and your days become defined not by the ticks of the second hand but by the moments with him that stand out in your memory. His smiles and actions become your signpost, snapshots that mark the passage of time, and all of the in-betweens become hazy and irrelevant.
1.
Zhou Mi was trying to wrap up at least one of the seemingly endless number of songs he’d started but never finished when he heard of the door to the workroom opening. He knew without looking up who it had to be - no one else would be insane enough to stay up this late, not when they had schedules starting from the crack of dawn tomorrow.
“What are you doing?” Kyuhyun yawned, then pulled a chair over so that he could sit next to Zhou Mi.
Zhou Mi fought back a smile. “Writing,” he said simply. “Are you done your video game?”
A nod. “I’m tired,” Kyuhyun said, eyes almost-swollen from staring at his laptop screen for too long.
“Go to sleep.”
“Don’t want to.” Kyuhyun leaned over to look at what Zhou Mi was scribbling down, their shoulders brushing. Zhou Mi tensed as he realized that Kyuhyun’s face was suddenly right beside his.
Apparently, Kyuhyun noticed - far too perceptive for someone half-asleep, Zhou Mi thought - because the younger man gave him a confused look. “What’s wrong?”
Zhou Mi shook his head. “Nothing.” He read out two variations of the lyrics he’d just written down. “Hey, which sounds better?”
“The second one,” Kyuhyun replied without hesitating, then shook his head, lips curling into a lazy smile. “I don’t know why you always ask me though - it’s not like I understand any of the Chinese you’re writing down.”
Zhou Mi shrugged, choosing not to reply. His throat was strangely dry.
Kyuhyun went silent after that, just watching him as Zhou Mi tried to go back to writing. He found that it took him longer than usual to focus though, his mind wandering more than it usually did.
Upon noticing fifteen minutes later that the room had gone quiet, he glanced at the figure next to him and realized that Kyuhyun had nodded off. Like the rest of them, the other man had perfected the art of sleeping in a chair - the inevitable result of trying to make up for missing hours of rest in any place possible. Kyuhyun's body was slightly curled up, his face lowered and relaxed. To Zhou Mi, he looked strangely vulnerable.
Not wanting to wake him up, Zhou Mi quietly went to grab the jacket hanging in the closet. As he laid it over Kyuhyun, the other man shifted in his sleep. He mumbled something under his breath, and Zhou Mi froze, waiting to see if he would wake up. The light of Zhou Mi’s lamp cast soft shadows across Kyuhyun's face, deepening the dark circles under his eyes that were normally hidden away by makeup.
His eyelashes were impossibly long, and Zhou Mi was close enough to count each individual one.
This abrupt realization propelled him back into reality. Pulling himself upright so fast that his head spun, he swallowed hard before escaping out of the room and into the washroom. The latter seemed to have become his sanctuary lately, he thought wryly.
The splash of cold water on his skin woke him up a little, but did nothing to distract his mind.
He tried to dispel any thoughts of the other man, but the more Zhou Mi tried, the more he failed, until all he could think of was Kyuhyun Kyuhyun Kyuhyun. The warmth in his eyes as they exchanged inside jokes, the familiar sweep of his brows, and the sound of his ringing laughter (the ones he never hid, not from Zhou Mi).
Zhou Mi laughed dryly and buried his face into his hands. He really was going to ruin them all.
2.
“Look, eleven minutes past eleven,” Ryeowook said, pointing to the clock, and indeed it was.
“Quick, make a wish,” Zhou Mi told Kyuhyun, and grinned at the disgruntled look the other man gave him.
“You know I don’t believe any of that, hyung. Why don’t you make one then?”
“I already did,” Zhou Mi replied - and really, he had. In the split second after Ryeowook had spoken, his mind had already jumped to the one thing he wanted more than anything else, the one thing he couldn’t have.
Kyuhyun raised an eyebrow, clearly not believing him. “Oh really? What did you wish for then?”
There was a small pause.
Zhou Mi shook his head, letting his lips curve up. “What’s the fun if I told you, Kui Xian? Besides, aren’t wishes supposed to be kept secret?”
Kyuhyun exhaled loudly. “You are such a girl,” he declared.
Zhou Mi laughed quietly, but Kyuhyun didn’t hear, having already gone off to check if there was any more takeout left in the fridge. Maybe it was a good thing he didn’t though - because anyone would have been able to hear the forced quality of that laugh.
Don’t you know? It’s you. I wished for you.
3.
Heechul came to visit.
Zhou Mi had no idea how he managed, considering how busy they all were and how crazy Heechul's schedule must have been - but Heechul managed, alright. He brought with him his cackling laughter and much more luggage than what should’ve been necessary for his less-than-a-week-long stay. Walking through the doors, he promptly dumped his large suitcase into Zhou Mi’s arms before demanding that Han Geng make him fried rice. Han Geng laughed, calling him unreasonable even as he went to grab the eggs from the fridge, while Siwon quickly took the suitcase from Zhou Mi’s tiring arms and brought them upstairs to the room Han Geng and Heechul were sharing.
Somehow, the dorm itself seemed to have more energy with Heechul around, although Zhou Mi wasn’t sure how that was actually possible. The redhead flounced around the rooms in his free time, entertaining himself with Zhou Mi’s laptop and the tv when Super Junior M were out for schedules and the members themselves when everyone was back.
The night before Heechul had to get back to Korea happened to be a rare night without activities for everyone. Zhou Mi had a sneaking suspicion that Han Geng had somehow worked something out with the manager to make sure their schedule would be empty, but he didn’t voice his thoughts out loud. Instead, he found himself curled up on the floor, leaning against the side of the (very full) couch and watching Kyuhyun and Heechul doing their long-awaited video game battle.
Kyuhyun was resting on his stomach, his legs kicked up comfortably in the air behind him as he faced the tv screen, control clutched between his hands. His brows were furrowed in concentration, the muscles around his lips tense as he set about attempting to decapitate the little green monsters running around on screen.
“Yes!” Kyuhyun cheered unexpectedly, startling Zhou Mi, who abruptly realized that he’d been staring. Quickly averting his eyes and turning to Heechul, he noticed with a sudden sense of dread that Heechul wasn’t bemoaning losing the round - or even looking at the screen, for that matter. He was watching Zhou Mi instead, a curious look in his eyes before he paused, looked at Kyuhyun, and then turned back to Zhou Mi.
Heart lurching, Zhou Mi avoided Heechul’s gaze. Calm down, he told himself. No matter how sharp Heechul was, he wasn't psychic - there was no way he could know. Regardless, his heart continued to pound uncomfortably. Just as Zhou Mi was about to stand up and make an excuse to leave the room, however, Kyuhyun turned and thrust his controls into Zhou Mi’s hands. “Here, play the next round, I need to use the washroom. And you’d better not kill off my player before I get back or I’ll hide all of your stuffed Hello Kitties.”
“What, no -” Zhou Mi started, because not only did he fail at video games (despite great effort on his part) and Kyuhyun’s character would most certainly be dead by the time he got back, this also completely ruined Zhou Mi’s plan to make a quick exit and get out of Heechul’s sight. Unfortunately for Zhou Mi, Kyuhyun was gone before he could finish his protest.
“What, scared of playing me, Seasoning?” Heechul cackled, voice unexpectedly close, and Zhou Mi nearly fell over. The redhead gave him a deceptively laid-back glance. “Why so jumpy?” he asked, tone amused.
“I’m just afraid I’m going to kill Kyuhyun’s player before he gets back - you know I can’t do video games, hyung,” Zhou Mi said quickly, thankful that his voice was coming out normally, at least.
“And we wouldn’t want Kyuhyun to be angry with you, do we?” Heechul smirked.
In that moment, Zhou Mi knew with a frightening certainty that Heechul knew. He didn’t know why or how - considering he’d never let a word of this slip - but somehow, Heechul had figured it out. Zhou Mi had always noticed that the redhair was more perceptive than most, and apparently, he had slipped up one time too many without even noticing it.
“Donghae!” Zhou Mi said, throwing the control into Donghae’s lap before the other man could protest. “You play against Heechul-hyung, okay? I have to go for a second.”
He made his way up to his and Donghae’s shared room, heart pounding. Throwing himself onto his bed, he buried his face under his covers. What was he going to do? Would Heechul tell anyone? Who would he tell? The rest of the members? His manager? Or even worse, Kyuhyun?
As he attempted to smother himself with his pillow, he was struck with another sobering thought. If Heechul could figure it out in less than a week, then who else could?
There was a sharp knock on his door before he could work himself into further panic, and Zhou Mi froze.
“What the hell, did you lock the door, Seasoning? Didn’t Kyungie say you guys didn’t lock doors here?” There was an impatient pause. “If you don’t open up in the next five seconds, I’m going to get Kyuhyun. And make him break this down.”
That was an utterly ridiculous thing to say, considering there was no way Kyuhyun would blindly listen to Heechul and break down doors whenever he was told to do so, but the only thing Zhou Mi's mind registered was that Heechul was threatening to get Kyuhyun. Immediately scrambling up, he dashed over like the devil was behind him, turning the lock and flinging the door open.
Heechul looked amused at his disheveled appearance. Shutting the door behind him as he walked in, the redhead decisively sat himself down on Donghae’s bed. “So. When are you going to tell him?”
“Tell who?” Zhou Mi asked, trying to keep his voice from trembling.
Heechul rolled his eyes. “Oh please, don’t pretend you’re stupid when I know you’re not. Kyuhyun, of course. When are you going to tell him you like him?”
It was the first time anyone had voiced it like that - Zhou Mi had never even said it out loud to himself - and he had the sudden urge to run forward and cover Heechul’s mouth. What if Kyuhyun’s standing outside the door? that pesky, paranoid voice in his head asked him, and he determinedly pushed it back. “I," he started, then stopped, not knowing what to say. "How did you know,” he asked instead in a small voice.
“Because unlike everyone else who seems to be living here, I’m actually not blind,” Heechul said, rolling his eyes. “It’s kind of obvious, okay? You’re always looking at him, asking his opinion, turning to him even when there’s no reason to.”
Zhou Mi stared down at his hands. His knuckles were white.
Heechul sighed. “Look, don’t be such a girl, Seasoning. You only live life once. Just tell him - what do you have to lose?”
Zhou Mi looked up in disbelief at that. How could Heechul even ask a question like that? “Everyone would hate me,” he said.
“If by everyone, you mean the members, then you’re deluded.” Heechul shook his head. “I know Siwon and Donghae and whatnot are religious people, and I’m not saying they’ll be perfectly okay with it - but give them some credit, okay? They’ve known you for a while, and you’re with each other twenty-four seven - they know by now that you’re not the spawn of the devil or something no matter who you end up liking. As for the fangirls? Sure, some of them will have problems with it - but who cares about that? It’s your life, screw what they think.” Heechul sighed. “Actually, you know what? I’m pretty sure a lot of them will actually be jumping for joy.” He waved away Zhou Mi’s look of disbelief. “What, do you not follow the fan sites or something? Do you know how many people are rooting for Qmi? It’s almost rivaling Hanchul.”
Zhou Mi’s jaw was on the floor.
Heechul nodded at his shock. “I know right, it’s ridiculous - clearly Hanchul is superior. Are people deluded or something?”
“Hyung,” Zhou Mi said weakly, at a loss for words. Heechul had somehow taken all his worries from the last few months and made them seem so simple. Which wasn't to say the world worked exactly as Heechul had described it, but regardless.
“Trust me Seasoning, things wouldn’t be as horrible as you’re making it out to be.” Heechul said airily, flicking his hair back. “I said so, didn’t I? And we know I’m always right.”
Zhou Mi gave a hesitant smile.
However inaccurate he thought Heechul's reassurances were, he had to admit that he was feeling much better than he had in a long time. At least there was one person in the world who knew and didn't begrudge him for it. “Thanks hyung.”
“Now hurry up and stop sulking. I’m going back downstairs so I can kick Kyuhyun’s butt in the next round. If I don’t see you in the next ten minutes, I’m going to send someone up to drag you down.”
“Yes hyung,” Zhou Mi said dutifully. He bit back his smile as Heechul flounced out of the room.
He was really glad Heechul had come to visit, he decided.
4.
Kyuhyun's father was sick.
The news came by phone, and they didn't know if it was serious or not, but Zhou Mi could only watch as Kyuhyun's face grew paler and paler by the second. Everyone knew that there was no way for Kyuhyun to return to Korea right now - not when an album was ready to be released and promoted - and for a second, Zhou Mi hated whoever had decided to call Kyuhyun at all. He knew that it was awful of him to think such a thing, that Kyuhyun deserved to know what was going on with his family - but the information was doing nothing more than torture Kyuhyun when they all knew that there was nothing the other could do to help.
That night, Donghae quietly slipped out of their room after shooting Zhou Mi a look. A few minutes later, Kyuhyun came in. His face was expressionless, but Zhou Mi knew Kyuhyun well enough by now to interpret the angle of his slouch and the look in his eyes.
Heart lurching at the sight, he hesitantly reached forward before throwing caution to the wind and pulling Kyuhyun close. For once, Kyuhyun didn’t protest, just going limp and letting himself be held.
The younger man's body felt warm against his own, and Zhou Mi had never hated himself more for the low, helpless burn in the pit of his stomach.
5.
They won their first award for Super Girl two months after it’s release, and the night was spent in celebration. They couldn’t leave the dorm without being mobbed by fangirls, but their manager brought in food and the alcohol stash was brought out.
Zhou Mi stood out on the balcony, hidden in the near-darkness. It was drizzling, just a little, and the wind felt cold against his skin. He knew that if Han Geng noticed him, he would get berated for being stupid enough to be outside in this weather without even a jacket on, but Han Geng was too busy laughing and celebrating to notice him right now. Zhou Mi actually preferred it this way - he needed a little time to clear his head right now.
His breath came out as fog, lingering for just a second before disappearing into the sky like cigarette smoke.
The balcony door suddenly opened behind him, and Zhou Mi found his own jacket dumped into his arms.
“Thanks,” he said quietly, pulling it on.
Kyuhyun glared at him. “Hurry up and get inside. You’re going to make yourself sick.”
“I’ll be there in just a second,” Zhou Mi said. “You go back in.”
“No, I’ll wait with you,” Kyuhyun said stubbornly, and Zhou Mi bit back his smile at the irritation in the younger man's voice. “What are you even doing out here? It’s freezing.”
“Thinking.”
“What can you think about out here that you can’t think about inside anyway?” Kyuhyun abruptly leaned over, stuffing his hands into Zhou Mi’s jacket pockets before Zhou Mi could reply. “Anyway, think faster. My fingers are going to fall off.”
Zhou Mi shivered, but it had nothing to do with the cold. He could feel Kyuhyun’s body heat at his side, warming him up far more than any item of clothing could. There was a deliciously warm feeling in his chest, and his throat was suddenly paper dry.
“Zhou Mi?” Kyuhyun leaned even closer, tilting his head to look up at him. “Why aren’t you talking?”
Their faces were mere inches apart.
“Kui Xian,” Zhou Mi said quietly. And then he leaned forward and kissed him.
Kyuhyun’s lips were dry, probably a result of never using any of the lip balms the stylists were continually throwing their way. Zhou Mi brushed his tongue tentatively against the slightly chapped lips, almost a question - and then Kyuhyun was kissing him back.
It was far from perfect. Kyuhyun tasted slightly like the beer they'd been drinking earlier, and his arms were wrapped around Zhou Mi’s neck, his fingers icy against the Zhou Mi’s skin. It was a slightly awkward fit, all bumping noses and grasping hands - and it was better than anything Zhou Mi had ever imagined.
And then, just as abruptly, Kyuhyun wrenched himself back, something like horror rising in his eyes as he looked at Zhou Mi.
For a second, Zhou Mi was quiet, his mind still in a daze - but then something about Kyuhyun’s expression pulled him back to reality, and the knowledge of what he’d done hit him all at once with the force of a brick wall. What had he done?
Zhou Mi didn’t know what to say. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I didn't mean to do that,” he babbled, words coming out his mouth without his consent. “I. Really. I just - I never should have done that, I’m so sorry, Kui Xian, I -”
The rest of his words were cut off as Kyuhyun pulled open the balcony door and just about launched himself back into the apartment. Everyone else looked up at the noise, but Kyuhyun didn't even pause as he strode upstairs without a word. The glass door slid shut again behind him, leaving Zhou Mi alone with his mantra of I’m sorry.
-- next.