Emotional Reasoning for a Blog
I think I'm going to start transitioning over to this blog. I feel like I'm flushing money down the drain each month paying for my website that doesn't really do anything that special. A paid LJ account would be cheaper and less hassle, wouldn't it?
I originally made a website as a portfolio site for my 'art career'. I realized in the past 2 years that I'm a much happier person when I'm not anal-bent on making art for a living, and making art for enjoyment instead. It was really hard for me to let myself be okay without that 'professional' label, but I feel so much relief! A lot of people from my graduating class in the Fine Arts program had, or are having, a phase of immense guilt for not 'succeeding as an artist', which I'm sure looks narrow-minded from the outside looking in, but is fiercely painful when it's happening to you. The opposite of 'succeeding', after all, is 'failing'.
The reason I bring this up is that I associated my LJ with that pain and guilt, even though I shed that skin a long time ago. It's been hard from me to move on from my own mind! I was just talking with a friend who is at a crossroads in her career, too, who is stepping down from the 'pro' ranks to accommodate the other needs that have come into her life. In her case it isn't an art career, but it is similar to my experience because her career is a passion-driven one that started when she was really young, but it's not exactly paying the bills for her. My heart goes out to her because I can tell that it's really painful for her, and she considers this transition to be one from "winner" to "loser". Nothing anyone says will change her perception, and she really reminds me of myself.
Anyway, I digress. For me and for my friend, I'm moving on, not apologizing. I'm tired of all this emotional pain I see, in myself and in other people, when there is no good reason for it to exist. In university, we Fine Arts students were urged to give a message to our art, to give our work meaning and moral significance. I could never come up with anything because I'm not really that political a person, but if there was one thing I'd like to do with my work in my lifetime, it's to make people realize that most pain is unnecessary and that everything will be okay.
This turned into a long entry! Anyway, it's time to dust this blog off and use it. Yoroshiku ne.
I originally made a website as a portfolio site for my 'art career'. I realized in the past 2 years that I'm a much happier person when I'm not anal-bent on making art for a living, and making art for enjoyment instead. It was really hard for me to let myself be okay without that 'professional' label, but I feel so much relief! A lot of people from my graduating class in the Fine Arts program had, or are having, a phase of immense guilt for not 'succeeding as an artist', which I'm sure looks narrow-minded from the outside looking in, but is fiercely painful when it's happening to you. The opposite of 'succeeding', after all, is 'failing'.
The reason I bring this up is that I associated my LJ with that pain and guilt, even though I shed that skin a long time ago. It's been hard from me to move on from my own mind! I was just talking with a friend who is at a crossroads in her career, too, who is stepping down from the 'pro' ranks to accommodate the other needs that have come into her life. In her case it isn't an art career, but it is similar to my experience because her career is a passion-driven one that started when she was really young, but it's not exactly paying the bills for her. My heart goes out to her because I can tell that it's really painful for her, and she considers this transition to be one from "winner" to "loser". Nothing anyone says will change her perception, and she really reminds me of myself.
Anyway, I digress. For me and for my friend, I'm moving on, not apologizing. I'm tired of all this emotional pain I see, in myself and in other people, when there is no good reason for it to exist. In university, we Fine Arts students were urged to give a message to our art, to give our work meaning and moral significance. I could never come up with anything because I'm not really that political a person, but if there was one thing I'd like to do with my work in my lifetime, it's to make people realize that most pain is unnecessary and that everything will be okay.
This turned into a long entry! Anyway, it's time to dust this blog off and use it. Yoroshiku ne.