and i dont deserve to be respected?
well my weekend was okay like usual i do think that i later will
regret. but oh well i gess right as long as your having fun right? i
guess thats the way i need to think about it. i need to stop thinking
that anything will work out the way i would love them to work out.
theres a pattern in my life that just continually repeats itself. i try
so hard to change from the way i used to be into who i want to be and
yet somehow i always get stuck someone in between and then sliding
backwards. im never going to get past my fears that hold me back from
doing what it is that i want. and i need to stop hurting myself. i have
a complex i guess. i try to make others happy. and im sick of
compromising my happiness to be accepted in ways that i dont even want
to be accpeted. i guess "j.b" did affect be alot more than i thought it
had. i thought that i was over that now. and i guess i just cant. i
mean can someone truly get over something like that completly? i dont
think that its possible for me to. but also i do need to stop bringing
it up maybe if i stopped thinking anbout it it wouldnt hurt so bad. and
i dont deserve to be respected because of my age and the number of
people i have been with? does that really have so much to do with your
self worth that it makes you worthy or unworthy of respect? i would
really like to know why that correspendes so directly in some peoples
eyes who deserves respect. but another thought. would i truly want to
be respected by someone who says i dont deserve respect becuase of my
sexual past? is it really anyones business who i fuck how many ppl or
when how old i was besides my own? why shoudl i tell it to people to be
degraded becuase of the things that i have done. anyways its time to stop talking about it.