Im Just Sitting on the Shelf.
I was chatting with History Friend on AIM the other day, and we got to talking about Oldest Friend. We were right in the middle of talking about it when my computer all but froze on me, so after restarting, this was the conversation that followed.
[12:17] AlisaValley: I was typing something out to you, but i forgot what it was.
[12:18] History Friend: well the last thing I said was
History Friend (12:07:49 PM): but really why should I try anymore?
History Friend (12:08:39 PM): I get nothing in return from the friendship
[12:19] AlisaValley: ahh... ok i think what i was typing was, that you should at least let her know how you feel.
[12:19] AlisaValley: or something to that effect
[12:20] AlisaValley: you do owe her that, after all. i mean, you've known her forever, and she (possibly) thinks that youre her best friend, so you should at least bring it to her attention, and then if she does nothing, then you do what you have to.
[12:20] AlisaValley: i made the mistake of cutting off a friendship without letting them know, and i regret it. i should've faced it head on.
[12:20] History Friend: how she never answers when I call or text anymore
[12:21] AlisaValley: try texting her on sunday or monday, and if you dont get a response, then i'll make her call or text you.
[12:22] History Friend: the difference is though that Ex-Best Friend was at least trying to have a friendship
[12:22] History Friend: where as Oldest Friend isn't
[12:22] AlisaValley: but you still should let her know. she wont learn if you dont tell her. and if she still doesn't learn after you tell her, then thats her problem.
[12:25] History Friend: she doesn't return calls or texts
[12:25] AlisaValley: ...but what i dont understand about her argument is that she saw and talked to us regularly before she started dating Poking Boyfriend, but she's claiming it's her job that's keeping her back. She used to answer her calls, call us back, and hang out with us on days other than sunday and monday when she had this job.
[12:25] History Friend: if she ever does call me back or text me then I will, but what can I do until then
[12:26] History Friend: it's not something you do over the internet
[12:26] AlisaValley: you have to text her something that will get her attention.
[12:26] AlisaValley: and she doesn't have internet
[12:26] History Friend: I know...she called me all the time before she started dating Poking Boyfriend and she had the same hours at work that she does now
[12:26] AlisaValley: her argument doesn't add up... she knows it.
[12:28] AlisaValley: do you think i should text her asking her if she's talked to you yet?
[12:28] AlisaValley: or condemning her for not talking to you... as she has to know that i talk to you regularly.
[12:29] AlisaValley: that should get her to talk to you... maybe.
[12:30] History Friend: probably
[12:33] History Friend: I mean I don't plan on cutting her out completely, I'll let her know whenever I'm in town
[12:33] AlisaValley: i know, but i guess i just want this to end.
[12:33] History Friend: if she wants to hang then she'll have to say so, but I just don't feel I should waste my time trying to get ahold of her anymore
[12:35] AlisaValley: i just want her to know, and now. i cant take this crap anymore, this pretending like she doesn't know her friendships are crumbling, and us just playing our parts when we both know we should slap her on the forehead.
[12:41] History Friend: I want it to end to
[12:42] History Friend: I guess me just texting her or something when I haven't talked to her about it at all yet makes me think she might get the feeling we are ganging up on her and back off completely *
[12:43] AlisaValley: Oldest Friend? back off of an argument?
[12:44] AlisaValley: maybe.
[12:45] AlisaValley: but i did tell her to talk to you, and she hasn't. she could probably figure out that i told you about our conversation, giving you a heads up, and because i talk to you, she has to know that i know she hasn't called you.
[12:47] AlisaValley: i dont know.
[12:47] AlisaValley: part of me just doesnt care what she thinks anymore... i just need her to know.
[12:47] AlisaValley: because i dont want to believe that she is stupid enough to not see this coming.
[12:48] AlisaValley: and i dont want her to be stupid and let it happen.
[12:48] History Friend: yeah
[12:49] AlisaValley: because as far as i'm concerned, it's happening, and with you, it's almost over. she is blind and let your friendship end. and i dont want it to completely eclipse her.
[12:50] AlisaValley: i want her to realize it's happening before it's over.
[12:51] AlisaValley: and i'm treating her like shes a character in a book of mine, and i'm trying to manipulate the storyline. and i dont like it.
[12:52] History Friend: she is blind...or at least doesn't care
[12:53] AlisaValley: whats sad is i really do believe she is blind to all of this.
[12:53] AlisaValley: i honestly believe she doesn't have a clue whats happening.
[12:53] AlisaValley: and it really disappoints me because it's so obvious.
[12:55] History Friend: it does sadden me
[12:55] AlisaValley: tell me something... what qualities in Oldest Friend did you like that kept you friends with her for so long?
[12:56] History Friend: her humor and willingness to be spontaneous
[12:56] History Friend: those were two good ones
[12:56] History Friend: she used to be a good listener and someone to talk to
[12:59] AlisaValley: you know it's funny, but i could never figure out why i was friends with her. i mean, she could make me laugh, and she was fun to hang out with for a time.
[12:59] History Friend: she doesn't seem to be any of those things anymore
[13:00] AlisaValley: but inevitably something would rub me the wrong way. Be it her rock hard stubbornness, or her moodiness, or her vanity.
[13:00] AlisaValley: well, i guess not vanity, but she was very self-centered.
[13:00] AlisaValley: is*
[13:01] History Friend: yes she is
[13:01] History Friend: always has been
[13:01] AlisaValley: and i wonder how i've been friends with her for so long when i can pinpoint all of the things i dont like about her, but i have to sit and think about the things i do like about her.
[13:02] History Friend: but it was easier to overlook the things I didn't like about for the things I did like about her
[13:02] History Friend: but now she's none of the things I did like about her anymore
[13:03] AlisaValley: thats truely tragic.
[13:03] History Friend: it is
[13:04] AlisaValley: i know in my heart i have to let go of this friendship, but i seriously dont want to. i want to hold on until its impossible... but the thing is, that impossible part is coming too fast for me.
[13:05] History Friend: yes...I understand
[13:05] AlisaValley: part of me still clings on to hope that she'll change.
[13:06] AlisaValley: but its a silly hope.
[13:06] History Friend: it is comeing to fast
[13:06] AlisaValley: it is.
[13:06] History Friend: I don't necissarily want it to end
[13:06] History Friend: I just don't have the energy
[13:06] AlisaValley: neither of us need anymore drama in our lives.
[13:07] AlisaValley: we've already got enough as it is.
[13:07] History Friend: yes we do
---------------
* i recently had a text-argument with Oldest Friend and i pretty much told her that we were both getting frustrated with her, and that she's losing her friendships with us, it kind of shocked her, and i had to go, so i told her to call History Friend and talk to her about it, because she was going to lose History Friend before she loses me. She never did call History Friend. I was kind of mad because i didn't want to be the one delivering the blow... and History Friend wants to be the one who delivers the blow, so that sucks.
[12:17] AlisaValley: I was typing something out to you, but i forgot what it was.
[12:18] History Friend: well the last thing I said was
History Friend (12:07:49 PM): but really why should I try anymore?
History Friend (12:08:39 PM): I get nothing in return from the friendship
[12:19] AlisaValley: ahh... ok i think what i was typing was, that you should at least let her know how you feel.
[12:19] AlisaValley: or something to that effect
[12:20] AlisaValley: you do owe her that, after all. i mean, you've known her forever, and she (possibly) thinks that youre her best friend, so you should at least bring it to her attention, and then if she does nothing, then you do what you have to.
[12:20] AlisaValley: i made the mistake of cutting off a friendship without letting them know, and i regret it. i should've faced it head on.
[12:20] History Friend: how she never answers when I call or text anymore
[12:21] AlisaValley: try texting her on sunday or monday, and if you dont get a response, then i'll make her call or text you.
[12:22] History Friend: the difference is though that Ex-Best Friend was at least trying to have a friendship
[12:22] History Friend: where as Oldest Friend isn't
[12:22] AlisaValley: but you still should let her know. she wont learn if you dont tell her. and if she still doesn't learn after you tell her, then thats her problem.
[12:25] History Friend: she doesn't return calls or texts
[12:25] AlisaValley: ...but what i dont understand about her argument is that she saw and talked to us regularly before she started dating Poking Boyfriend, but she's claiming it's her job that's keeping her back. She used to answer her calls, call us back, and hang out with us on days other than sunday and monday when she had this job.
[12:25] History Friend: if she ever does call me back or text me then I will, but what can I do until then
[12:26] History Friend: it's not something you do over the internet
[12:26] AlisaValley: you have to text her something that will get her attention.
[12:26] AlisaValley: and she doesn't have internet
[12:26] History Friend: I know...she called me all the time before she started dating Poking Boyfriend and she had the same hours at work that she does now
[12:26] AlisaValley: her argument doesn't add up... she knows it.
[12:28] AlisaValley: do you think i should text her asking her if she's talked to you yet?
[12:28] AlisaValley: or condemning her for not talking to you... as she has to know that i talk to you regularly.
[12:29] AlisaValley: that should get her to talk to you... maybe.
[12:30] History Friend: probably
[12:33] History Friend: I mean I don't plan on cutting her out completely, I'll let her know whenever I'm in town
[12:33] AlisaValley: i know, but i guess i just want this to end.
[12:33] History Friend: if she wants to hang then she'll have to say so, but I just don't feel I should waste my time trying to get ahold of her anymore
[12:35] AlisaValley: i just want her to know, and now. i cant take this crap anymore, this pretending like she doesn't know her friendships are crumbling, and us just playing our parts when we both know we should slap her on the forehead.
[12:41] History Friend: I want it to end to
[12:42] History Friend: I guess me just texting her or something when I haven't talked to her about it at all yet makes me think she might get the feeling we are ganging up on her and back off completely *
[12:43] AlisaValley: Oldest Friend? back off of an argument?
[12:44] AlisaValley: maybe.
[12:45] AlisaValley: but i did tell her to talk to you, and she hasn't. she could probably figure out that i told you about our conversation, giving you a heads up, and because i talk to you, she has to know that i know she hasn't called you.
[12:47] AlisaValley: i dont know.
[12:47] AlisaValley: part of me just doesnt care what she thinks anymore... i just need her to know.
[12:47] AlisaValley: because i dont want to believe that she is stupid enough to not see this coming.
[12:48] AlisaValley: and i dont want her to be stupid and let it happen.
[12:48] History Friend: yeah
[12:49] AlisaValley: because as far as i'm concerned, it's happening, and with you, it's almost over. she is blind and let your friendship end. and i dont want it to completely eclipse her.
[12:50] AlisaValley: i want her to realize it's happening before it's over.
[12:51] AlisaValley: and i'm treating her like shes a character in a book of mine, and i'm trying to manipulate the storyline. and i dont like it.
[12:52] History Friend: she is blind...or at least doesn't care
[12:53] AlisaValley: whats sad is i really do believe she is blind to all of this.
[12:53] AlisaValley: i honestly believe she doesn't have a clue whats happening.
[12:53] AlisaValley: and it really disappoints me because it's so obvious.
[12:55] History Friend: it does sadden me
[12:55] AlisaValley: tell me something... what qualities in Oldest Friend did you like that kept you friends with her for so long?
[12:56] History Friend: her humor and willingness to be spontaneous
[12:56] History Friend: those were two good ones
[12:56] History Friend: she used to be a good listener and someone to talk to
[12:59] AlisaValley: you know it's funny, but i could never figure out why i was friends with her. i mean, she could make me laugh, and she was fun to hang out with for a time.
[12:59] History Friend: she doesn't seem to be any of those things anymore
[13:00] AlisaValley: but inevitably something would rub me the wrong way. Be it her rock hard stubbornness, or her moodiness, or her vanity.
[13:00] AlisaValley: well, i guess not vanity, but she was very self-centered.
[13:00] AlisaValley: is*
[13:01] History Friend: yes she is
[13:01] History Friend: always has been
[13:01] AlisaValley: and i wonder how i've been friends with her for so long when i can pinpoint all of the things i dont like about her, but i have to sit and think about the things i do like about her.
[13:02] History Friend: but it was easier to overlook the things I didn't like about for the things I did like about her
[13:02] History Friend: but now she's none of the things I did like about her anymore
[13:03] AlisaValley: thats truely tragic.
[13:03] History Friend: it is
[13:04] AlisaValley: i know in my heart i have to let go of this friendship, but i seriously dont want to. i want to hold on until its impossible... but the thing is, that impossible part is coming too fast for me.
[13:05] History Friend: yes...I understand
[13:05] AlisaValley: part of me still clings on to hope that she'll change.
[13:06] AlisaValley: but its a silly hope.
[13:06] History Friend: it is comeing to fast
[13:06] AlisaValley: it is.
[13:06] History Friend: I don't necissarily want it to end
[13:06] History Friend: I just don't have the energy
[13:06] AlisaValley: neither of us need anymore drama in our lives.
[13:07] AlisaValley: we've already got enough as it is.
[13:07] History Friend: yes we do
---------------
* i recently had a text-argument with Oldest Friend and i pretty much told her that we were both getting frustrated with her, and that she's losing her friendships with us, it kind of shocked her, and i had to go, so i told her to call History Friend and talk to her about it, because she was going to lose History Friend before she loses me. She never did call History Friend. I was kind of mad because i didn't want to be the one delivering the blow... and History Friend wants to be the one who delivers the blow, so that sucks.