keeping an eye on the world going by my window.
I realized tonight that Flirty Starbucks Girl and I could seriously be friends... like outside of The Bakery/Starbucks. I've never been good at making friends with someone from work OUTSIDE of work. I've tried with Rebelling Friend and Married Friend, but i failed. I haven't heard from either one of them in months. I haven't heard from Rebelling Friend since she left HV, and i haven't heard from Married Friend since her wedding. I dont know.
Anyway, Flirty Starbucks Girl and i went shopping together after we clocked out of work, and kind of shopped around SuperTarget before we left. Thats a start. Thats kind of what got the idea in my head that we could be friends outside of work. If only i knew how to do that. If only i knew whether or not that would be ok with her. I dont know.
I've really been missing Alias Best Friend a lot. I've been thinking about our friendship a lot too. Mostly because it's finally over with Ex-Best Friend. She called (again for the millionth time) yesterday, and my stepdad picked it up and not getting a name for whoever it was over the phone i took it, and found myself in chaos.
Ex-Best Friend was good about it. She didn't act angry towards me, but i could hear the shake in her voice that she was upset. She kept her cool though through out the entire conversation. I told her that i was ending our friendship because of everything. Everything thats been happening through out our frienship. I didn't want to tell her specific times because that would've just been kicking a dead horse. But it was all the times shes belittled me and the times shes verbally abused me, and the times she's acted like a jealous rival when there was no need to. Just everything. I just told her that there were times when she hasn't treated me right and i was just sick of it. She asked me what suddenly caused this reaction from me, and i said it was the voicemail that she left me and that it was just finally the last string in the rope. I knew that if we continued our friendship that this wouldn't change, all of these reactions from her, they wont ever change.
Then she brought up the "why didn't you just answer my calls and tell me that? why did you have to leave me hanging for months going crazy not knowing whats happening, when you could've told me and i could've corrected these actions" part. i told her that i was very irresponsible and i fully regret not letting her know sooner. i didn't handle it properly and therefore, i take full responsibility for my... in-action. I truly am sorry and fully regret not letting her know sooner. I told her that i was afraid to answer the calls because i didn't want to hurt her, but by not doing so, i probably hurt her more. For that i am truely sorry. But i said, though i was regretful for that action, i will not say that i regret making this decision of ending our friendship.
Then she said "well, i guess i cant change your mind. goodbye." and i told her bye, and we hung up. i was angry at my stepfather but i was so relieved that it was over. its over.
Anyway, it makes me really miss Alias Best Friend. I wish she was in Omaha so i could talk to her whenever i wanted, and i could go over to her house, or... whatever. She has been... "dating" someone. He seems really selfless from the way she described him. I still dont have all the details because i never get to talk to her anymore. I wish she needed me more than i needed her, because then i wouldn't feel like i was always trying to get her to talk to me and bothering her all the time. She'll deny any such bothering, and will state that i can "bother" her at any time, but it still feels like i bother her a lot. i try to provoke her to talk to me and 66% of the time, it doesn't work. i dont know. I just dont want to be the "ex-best friend" in our friendship. I dont want to be the one whose always poking her, calling her, IMing her, overwhelming her.
I'm just one strange person. One week i'm smothering my friends to death, and then the next week i'd do anything i can to get away from them. Maybe i should just become a hermit. Be one of those creepy cat ladies... only i'll be the dog lady. I'll be the lady that is on your street corner who has dogs in every inch of her house, and when you cross by my house, you'll try to see if you can find me peeking at you out of a window. That'll be me. Creepy dog lady.
this entry has gone from pointless to just plain bizarre. i'm just going to stop while i can.
Anyway, Flirty Starbucks Girl and i went shopping together after we clocked out of work, and kind of shopped around SuperTarget before we left. Thats a start. Thats kind of what got the idea in my head that we could be friends outside of work. If only i knew how to do that. If only i knew whether or not that would be ok with her. I dont know.
I've really been missing Alias Best Friend a lot. I've been thinking about our friendship a lot too. Mostly because it's finally over with Ex-Best Friend. She called (again for the millionth time) yesterday, and my stepdad picked it up and not getting a name for whoever it was over the phone i took it, and found myself in chaos.
Ex-Best Friend was good about it. She didn't act angry towards me, but i could hear the shake in her voice that she was upset. She kept her cool though through out the entire conversation. I told her that i was ending our friendship because of everything. Everything thats been happening through out our frienship. I didn't want to tell her specific times because that would've just been kicking a dead horse. But it was all the times shes belittled me and the times shes verbally abused me, and the times she's acted like a jealous rival when there was no need to. Just everything. I just told her that there were times when she hasn't treated me right and i was just sick of it. She asked me what suddenly caused this reaction from me, and i said it was the voicemail that she left me and that it was just finally the last string in the rope. I knew that if we continued our friendship that this wouldn't change, all of these reactions from her, they wont ever change.
Then she brought up the "why didn't you just answer my calls and tell me that? why did you have to leave me hanging for months going crazy not knowing whats happening, when you could've told me and i could've corrected these actions" part. i told her that i was very irresponsible and i fully regret not letting her know sooner. i didn't handle it properly and therefore, i take full responsibility for my... in-action. I truly am sorry and fully regret not letting her know sooner. I told her that i was afraid to answer the calls because i didn't want to hurt her, but by not doing so, i probably hurt her more. For that i am truely sorry. But i said, though i was regretful for that action, i will not say that i regret making this decision of ending our friendship.
Then she said "well, i guess i cant change your mind. goodbye." and i told her bye, and we hung up. i was angry at my stepfather but i was so relieved that it was over. its over.
Anyway, it makes me really miss Alias Best Friend. I wish she was in Omaha so i could talk to her whenever i wanted, and i could go over to her house, or... whatever. She has been... "dating" someone. He seems really selfless from the way she described him. I still dont have all the details because i never get to talk to her anymore. I wish she needed me more than i needed her, because then i wouldn't feel like i was always trying to get her to talk to me and bothering her all the time. She'll deny any such bothering, and will state that i can "bother" her at any time, but it still feels like i bother her a lot. i try to provoke her to talk to me and 66% of the time, it doesn't work. i dont know. I just dont want to be the "ex-best friend" in our friendship. I dont want to be the one whose always poking her, calling her, IMing her, overwhelming her.
I'm just one strange person. One week i'm smothering my friends to death, and then the next week i'd do anything i can to get away from them. Maybe i should just become a hermit. Be one of those creepy cat ladies... only i'll be the dog lady. I'll be the lady that is on your street corner who has dogs in every inch of her house, and when you cross by my house, you'll try to see if you can find me peeking at you out of a window. That'll be me. Creepy dog lady.
this entry has gone from pointless to just plain bizarre. i'm just going to stop while i can.