In which everyone takes leave of their senses
A LOT OF PEOPLE NEEDED A SMACK ROUND THE HEAD THIS WEEK.
DON'T MAKE ME GET THE STICK OUT.
SERIOUSLY, GUYS. IT'S LIKE YOU WANT THE TERRORISTS TO WIN.
Everyone in this show should RUTHLESSLY ADHERE to the following rules:
1. I will never say "it's over".
2. I will never ask the love of my life to come to CTU.
3. I will never say "we'll discuss it more in person" when I could discuss it RIGHT NOW on the PHONECALL that I am CURRENTLY HAVING.
4. If I am wearing a bomb or otherwise trapped by a bomb and someone comes to disarm it, I will do EXACTLY what that person says, even if I am VERY SCARED.
5. I will have a recording device on my person at all times in case someone around me confesses to something and I need to prove it later.
6. If someone else has been in the show longer than me, I will trust their instincts, unless they have previously been outed as a mole. In which case point 5 applies with a vengeance.
7. I will not wait TWENTY MINUTES to ask a question just so the reveal syncs up with a cliffhanger moment.
8. I will tell the love of my life ALL pertinent information relating to myself, so that they don't find out the wrong way. No matter how bad it is, it will be worse if they find out via intercepting an email or something.
And this week they didn't. AND LOOK WHAT HAPPENED.
*deep breaths*
On the plus side, my Tony is still FINE (though I shall be distressed if he's about to disappear for the rest of the season) and no one hurt my Andy. Also Rebecca Ingram is the best and should have her own show.
Let's do this. We'll be referring to the list above as we go. For reasons. And so...
- Ninja Terrorist is Asim Naseri (got the spelling right now, thank you name popups) and he used to be Bin-Khalid Senior's bodyguard/lieutenant/fixer. He has a beard of evil and is deeply competent. Also he looks alarmingly like he could be Tony Almeida's older brother, which is distracting. I will continue to call him Ninja Terrorist, however, despite the reveal that he's murdered a hell of a lot of people including CHILDREN and it was so awful that TALL KEITH looked alarmed.
- For the record, this is the first episode during which I have not been cross with Tall Keith once. If he's going to stick around, long may it continue.
- "One last thing I need to take care of." Yes, Eric, we know, but maybe CALL YOUR WIFE and explain it to her in SENSIBLE GROWNUP VOICE, rather than running off and leaving Isaac to do it. Because, the way this is going, she IS going to leave you for him. And I'm getting to the point where I wouldn't mind that so much.
- ANDY AND TOM RETURNING TO CTU. Someone should get Andy to a doctor. And then he and Tom could make out up against a wall. THIS SHOULD HAPPEN SOON. On the plus side, Tall Keith was NICE to him and even gave him his clearance back and admitted he did good and this is a step in the right direction. This episode then lacked further Andy but hopefully this is because he was in the infirmary. Where he should be right now. Because of the giant knife thing.
- Oh dear, poor CTU Security Dude. He was so very doomed from the start, getting Gaines'ed like that by Ninja Terrorist. I was surprised he lasted as long as he did, although that's partly because of Eric's failure to ADHERE TO POINT 7. MORE SOON.
- "So it's over," John says. Much as I like the guy, he really needs to stop saying things like that. THIS IS WHY IT IS POINT 1. MORE SOON.
- This episode needed more Tony (ALL EPISODES NEED MORE TONY) although it was at least a relief to have him AWAY from the DISASTER AND CHAOS that soon ensued, rather than stuck in the middle of it (I'm looking at you, Seasons TWO, THREE and FIVE). And I did love his little conversation with Rebecca about John, and that reference to her living in "a different world" from her husband, vis-a-vis the things she does. It was a nice moment of acceptance on his own part as well, and just makes me wish I could have A LOT MORE on THESE TWO and how they got to be such good friends. And that's as much because I want more of Rebecca as it is because I want more of Tony. So much backstory. And now Tony and Co have disappeared off... "it'll be like we were never here." PLEASE SAY THIS IS NOT A REFERENCE TO THE WHOLE SEASON. PLEASE TELL ME I GET MORE OF HIM. HE SHOULD TOTALLY BE HELPING REBECCA DEAL WITH THE DISASTER AND CHAOS.
- ...if I don't, you know, I regret nothing. Even having had him back for three glorious episodes would be a gift surpassing anything I ever expected.
- Meanwhile, John takes Henry home. Henry proceeds to have a Villainous Breakdown. John FAILS TO HAVE A RECORDING DEVICE ON HIS PERSON despite the fact it was FREAKING OBVIOUS Henry was about to implicate himself out loud again. It's like John WANTS him to get away with it. (A small part of me worries that he does. That he's so hurt by what his father has done that he's sinking so deep into denial that he can see the pyramids.)
- And then John has a nice long phonecall with Rebecca, during which they sort-of make up (even though there's no way this is the end of it if they both survive the day) and continue to remind me why I love them as a couple. And Rebecca talks about "that part of me" and admits it's difficult, doing the things she does (even though she rarely hesitates when it comes to doing them). And this whole conversation is so good and so lovely and WHY CAN THEY NOT HEAR THE ALARM BELLS RINGING SO HARD? That sequence felt dangerously like a LAST PHONECALL to me, and I had better be wrong because NO. And then John decides he's going to COME TO CTU and Rebecca DOES NOT DISAGREE and GUYS, GUYS, GUYS, DO YOU NOT WATCH THE SHOW?!
...sorry. I may have been having some flashbacks. Quite a lot of flashbacks. IT WOULDN'T BE 24 WITHOUT BADDIES GETTING INTO CTU NOW, WOULD IT?
- Rebecca and Jadalla. Yikes. Jadalla has Evil Cold Dead Eyes that would make Nina Myers proud, and I wish Jadalla and Rebecca had gotten longer together because we haven't really had the chance to see Rebecca on that side of the table yet.
- Meanwhile meanwhile, Eric finds Security Dude's girlfriend, successfully takes out Girl!Minion, and then proceeds to start disarming the bomb with telephone help from Beardy Theo. So far, so good. Unfortunately, he neglects to MAKE HER TELL HIM WHO SHE IS CONNECTED TO, because she is CLEARLY connected to SOMEONE RELEVANT, because Ninja Terrorist wouldn't just attack some random woman for no reason. Instead of making her tell him, he waits TWENTY MINUTES and risks getting blown up by the STUPID (SEE POINT 4). On the plus side, this show continues to have the ability to make bomb disarming sequences incredibly tense, despite the fact that you KNOW it's going to work because THE PROTAGONIST is doing it.
- John gets to CTU, around the same time as we're treated to shots of Ninja Terrorist and friends prepping their big guns and their dodgy van. Alarm bells now ringing so loud the world is vibrating. John still can't hear.
- Meanwhile meanwhile meanwhile, Nicole goes back home with Isaac. Everything is chaos. In the midst of it, she finds a letter from Rebecca to Eric, offering him a job, that he hasn't mentioned to her. THIS IS GOING TO END BADLY, GUYS. Nicole and Isaac have another moment. I am serious about the whole no longer minding the two of them thing. I like Nicole very much but she and Eric clearly have some issues to work out. And I told you that hat of hers was a dangerous one.
- Eric finds out that Bomb Girl is sleeping with Security Dude. BET YOU WISH YOU'D ASKED THAT TWENTY MINUTES AGO.
- And THEN shit gets REAL at CTU, as Security Dude makes his move, gets Jadalla out, and then gets caught by REBECCA INGRAM WITH A GUN. And she is AWESOME. And she would have won, too, had Ninja Terrorist and friends not then burst in with their much larger guns and started spraying everywhere with bullets. Rebecca of course gets out of the way because she is TOO COOL TO DIE and Security Dude gets shot in the head and Ninja Terrorist and Emo Terrorist are reunited. And they run for it... right into John and his own security guys, who go down with alarming ease. AND THEN JOHN GETS KIDNAPPED. DID NO ONE PAY ATTENTION TO MY LIST? And just as Rebecca and Keith and Tom and several tac-team people come to save the day, BOOM. MOAR BOMB. Luckily no major characters suffered more than Dramatic Dust (despite my heart STOPPING for a moment) and they're soon up and back in the control room with SERIOUS FACES.
- And now it's Rebecca's turn to do DISTRESS FACE, whilst in the Dodgy Van, it turns out that Jadalla doesn't even realise who Ninja Terrorist IS (this is also going to end badly) and John tries to alert the authorities. Which leads to MORE people getting sprayed with bullets, and the baddies getting away.
- To recap: EVERYTHING IS CHAOS AND DISASTER. WITH THREE EPISODES LEFT TO GO. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH.
I require more now, please. And help. I still need that. Quite a lot of it.
BUT SEE MY TONY NOT BEING EVIL OR IN PERIL, THIS IS A NEW EXPERIENCE FOR ME.
...oh, I just thought of one more point for my list.
9. I will not tempt Fate.
Possibly I should have started with that one.
DON'T MAKE ME GET THE STICK OUT.
SERIOUSLY, GUYS. IT'S LIKE YOU WANT THE TERRORISTS TO WIN.
Everyone in this show should RUTHLESSLY ADHERE to the following rules:
1. I will never say "it's over".
2. I will never ask the love of my life to come to CTU.
3. I will never say "we'll discuss it more in person" when I could discuss it RIGHT NOW on the PHONECALL that I am CURRENTLY HAVING.
4. If I am wearing a bomb or otherwise trapped by a bomb and someone comes to disarm it, I will do EXACTLY what that person says, even if I am VERY SCARED.
5. I will have a recording device on my person at all times in case someone around me confesses to something and I need to prove it later.
6. If someone else has been in the show longer than me, I will trust their instincts, unless they have previously been outed as a mole. In which case point 5 applies with a vengeance.
7. I will not wait TWENTY MINUTES to ask a question just so the reveal syncs up with a cliffhanger moment.
8. I will tell the love of my life ALL pertinent information relating to myself, so that they don't find out the wrong way. No matter how bad it is, it will be worse if they find out via intercepting an email or something.
And this week they didn't. AND LOOK WHAT HAPPENED.
*deep breaths*
On the plus side, my Tony is still FINE (though I shall be distressed if he's about to disappear for the rest of the season) and no one hurt my Andy. Also Rebecca Ingram is the best and should have her own show.
Let's do this. We'll be referring to the list above as we go. For reasons. And so...
- Ninja Terrorist is Asim Naseri (got the spelling right now, thank you name popups) and he used to be Bin-Khalid Senior's bodyguard/lieutenant/fixer. He has a beard of evil and is deeply competent. Also he looks alarmingly like he could be Tony Almeida's older brother, which is distracting. I will continue to call him Ninja Terrorist, however, despite the reveal that he's murdered a hell of a lot of people including CHILDREN and it was so awful that TALL KEITH looked alarmed.
- For the record, this is the first episode during which I have not been cross with Tall Keith once. If he's going to stick around, long may it continue.
- "One last thing I need to take care of." Yes, Eric, we know, but maybe CALL YOUR WIFE and explain it to her in SENSIBLE GROWNUP VOICE, rather than running off and leaving Isaac to do it. Because, the way this is going, she IS going to leave you for him. And I'm getting to the point where I wouldn't mind that so much.
- ANDY AND TOM RETURNING TO CTU. Someone should get Andy to a doctor. And then he and Tom could make out up against a wall. THIS SHOULD HAPPEN SOON. On the plus side, Tall Keith was NICE to him and even gave him his clearance back and admitted he did good and this is a step in the right direction. This episode then lacked further Andy but hopefully this is because he was in the infirmary. Where he should be right now. Because of the giant knife thing.
- Oh dear, poor CTU Security Dude. He was so very doomed from the start, getting Gaines'ed like that by Ninja Terrorist. I was surprised he lasted as long as he did, although that's partly because of Eric's failure to ADHERE TO POINT 7. MORE SOON.
- "So it's over," John says. Much as I like the guy, he really needs to stop saying things like that. THIS IS WHY IT IS POINT 1. MORE SOON.
- This episode needed more Tony (ALL EPISODES NEED MORE TONY) although it was at least a relief to have him AWAY from the DISASTER AND CHAOS that soon ensued, rather than stuck in the middle of it (I'm looking at you, Seasons TWO, THREE and FIVE). And I did love his little conversation with Rebecca about John, and that reference to her living in "a different world" from her husband, vis-a-vis the things she does. It was a nice moment of acceptance on his own part as well, and just makes me wish I could have A LOT MORE on THESE TWO and how they got to be such good friends. And that's as much because I want more of Rebecca as it is because I want more of Tony. So much backstory. And now Tony and Co have disappeared off... "it'll be like we were never here." PLEASE SAY THIS IS NOT A REFERENCE TO THE WHOLE SEASON. PLEASE TELL ME I GET MORE OF HIM. HE SHOULD TOTALLY BE HELPING REBECCA DEAL WITH THE DISASTER AND CHAOS.
- ...if I don't, you know, I regret nothing. Even having had him back for three glorious episodes would be a gift surpassing anything I ever expected.
- Meanwhile, John takes Henry home. Henry proceeds to have a Villainous Breakdown. John FAILS TO HAVE A RECORDING DEVICE ON HIS PERSON despite the fact it was FREAKING OBVIOUS Henry was about to implicate himself out loud again. It's like John WANTS him to get away with it. (A small part of me worries that he does. That he's so hurt by what his father has done that he's sinking so deep into denial that he can see the pyramids.)
- And then John has a nice long phonecall with Rebecca, during which they sort-of make up (even though there's no way this is the end of it if they both survive the day) and continue to remind me why I love them as a couple. And Rebecca talks about "that part of me" and admits it's difficult, doing the things she does (even though she rarely hesitates when it comes to doing them). And this whole conversation is so good and so lovely and WHY CAN THEY NOT HEAR THE ALARM BELLS RINGING SO HARD? That sequence felt dangerously like a LAST PHONECALL to me, and I had better be wrong because NO. And then John decides he's going to COME TO CTU and Rebecca DOES NOT DISAGREE and GUYS, GUYS, GUYS, DO YOU NOT WATCH THE SHOW?!
...sorry. I may have been having some flashbacks. Quite a lot of flashbacks. IT WOULDN'T BE 24 WITHOUT BADDIES GETTING INTO CTU NOW, WOULD IT?
- Rebecca and Jadalla. Yikes. Jadalla has Evil Cold Dead Eyes that would make Nina Myers proud, and I wish Jadalla and Rebecca had gotten longer together because we haven't really had the chance to see Rebecca on that side of the table yet.
- Meanwhile meanwhile, Eric finds Security Dude's girlfriend, successfully takes out Girl!Minion, and then proceeds to start disarming the bomb with telephone help from Beardy Theo. So far, so good. Unfortunately, he neglects to MAKE HER TELL HIM WHO SHE IS CONNECTED TO, because she is CLEARLY connected to SOMEONE RELEVANT, because Ninja Terrorist wouldn't just attack some random woman for no reason. Instead of making her tell him, he waits TWENTY MINUTES and risks getting blown up by the STUPID (SEE POINT 4). On the plus side, this show continues to have the ability to make bomb disarming sequences incredibly tense, despite the fact that you KNOW it's going to work because THE PROTAGONIST is doing it.
- John gets to CTU, around the same time as we're treated to shots of Ninja Terrorist and friends prepping their big guns and their dodgy van. Alarm bells now ringing so loud the world is vibrating. John still can't hear.
- Meanwhile meanwhile meanwhile, Nicole goes back home with Isaac. Everything is chaos. In the midst of it, she finds a letter from Rebecca to Eric, offering him a job, that he hasn't mentioned to her. THIS IS GOING TO END BADLY, GUYS. Nicole and Isaac have another moment. I am serious about the whole no longer minding the two of them thing. I like Nicole very much but she and Eric clearly have some issues to work out. And I told you that hat of hers was a dangerous one.
- Eric finds out that Bomb Girl is sleeping with Security Dude. BET YOU WISH YOU'D ASKED THAT TWENTY MINUTES AGO.
- And THEN shit gets REAL at CTU, as Security Dude makes his move, gets Jadalla out, and then gets caught by REBECCA INGRAM WITH A GUN. And she is AWESOME. And she would have won, too, had Ninja Terrorist and friends not then burst in with their much larger guns and started spraying everywhere with bullets. Rebecca of course gets out of the way because she is TOO COOL TO DIE and Security Dude gets shot in the head and Ninja Terrorist and Emo Terrorist are reunited. And they run for it... right into John and his own security guys, who go down with alarming ease. AND THEN JOHN GETS KIDNAPPED. DID NO ONE PAY ATTENTION TO MY LIST? And just as Rebecca and Keith and Tom and several tac-team people come to save the day, BOOM. MOAR BOMB. Luckily no major characters suffered more than Dramatic Dust (despite my heart STOPPING for a moment) and they're soon up and back in the control room with SERIOUS FACES.
- And now it's Rebecca's turn to do DISTRESS FACE, whilst in the Dodgy Van, it turns out that Jadalla doesn't even realise who Ninja Terrorist IS (this is also going to end badly) and John tries to alert the authorities. Which leads to MORE people getting sprayed with bullets, and the baddies getting away.
- To recap: EVERYTHING IS CHAOS AND DISASTER. WITH THREE EPISODES LEFT TO GO. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH.
I require more now, please. And help. I still need that. Quite a lot of it.
BUT SEE MY TONY NOT BEING EVIL OR IN PERIL, THIS IS A NEW EXPERIENCE FOR ME.
...oh, I just thought of one more point for my list.
9. I will not tempt Fate.
Possibly I should have started with that one.