Turn & Turn Again - Chapter Nine: the holy or the broken
Chapter Nine: the holy or the broken
“There's a blaze of light in every word
It doesn't matter which you heard
The holy or the broken, hallelujah
Hallelujah...
I did my best, it wasn't much
I couldn't feel so I learned to touch
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you
And even though it all went wrong, I'll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my lips, hallelujah.”
- “Hallelujah” by Bono
Sterling, no, Jim was dead.
Hardison was completely blind in his left eye and legally blind in his right from the damage done to his eyes by the debris from the explosion. He could still see shadows and light, and Nate knew that Hardison sometimes caught flashes of blonde hair in his vision because his whole face would light up at the sight.
Sophie suffered severe second-degree burns on the right side of her face that caused her to stay in the hospital for a few weeks. She had thought about refusing the surgery to fix the damage, almost pleased that her perfect features that had been orchestrated by surgeons had been ruined; still, the way she had explained it to Nate, she still wanted to be able to look at herself in the mirror, which she couldn’t do at the time without feeling absolutely hideous.
Parker escaped the explosion with only a sprained ankle and a broken arm. She had irritated the nursing staff to no end with the way she kept disappearing from her room only to be found at Hardison’s bedside. She spent her free time learning Braille and researching guide dogs until she threw that idea out and declared she would be Hardison’s guide dog.
It would be easy to say that Eliot, Maggie, Olivia, and he managed to survive that day unscathed, but it wouldn’t be true.
Eliot ran himself into the ground keeping watch over Sophie and Hardison until Maggie intervened and dragged him away from the hospital. Even after, anyone who looked for it could see the guilt in Eliot’s eyes whenever Hardison was in the room. Eliot learned how to read Braille along with Parker, found the equipment Hardison needed to keep using his computer without his sight, and for awhile until Hardison managed to set up his own programs, entered coding into a laptop for Hardison with very few complaints or insults.
Olivia was just there. Eighteen, finally able to live her own life, and she had nowhere to go. She rotated between his apartment and Maggie’s, but it was a long time before she spoke without heavy encouragement and even longer before she ventured out on her own.
As for Nate, he knew what had happened was his fault. If he had come up with a better plan or not been so determined to raze that place to the ground, this might have never happened. Jim would still be alive, Hardison would be able to see, and Olivia wouldn’t be wandering around, her world completely altered forever.
So, he tried telling himself it was what it was. It worked sometimes, on the days when he woke up and life was okay. Most of the time, though, he was back with the guilt. On the nights when he was woken up by one of Sophie’s nightmares that left her shaking and sobbing into his shoulder; the mornings he walked downstairs and found Olivia at the kitchen counter with toast burning in the toaster oven or an untouched mug of coffee in front of her.
The days Hardison wouldn’t come over and Parker stayed on the roof all day; the times Eliot disappeared for a couple of days and came back covered in blood and bruises. The days Maggie cried and tried to pretend she was okay because she had to be strong for Olivia.
Yeah, the guilt was easier. He needed a burden to bear, after all.
***************
He came downstairs in the morning to find Sophie and Olivia huddled over shiny college brochures at the kitchen counter. He could smell coffee and eggs, which meant Sophie had been up for at least the past hour. On days after she had kept him up half the night with a nightmare, she normally left their bed early in the morning without waking him.
He gave Sophie a quick kiss before making a beeline for the coffee, pouring a cup and topping it off with a dash of whiskey.
“Did you make these or has Eliot already been by?” he asked, taking a sip of the steaming liquid.
Sophie looked up and smiled. “I made them. Eliot is taking Maggie out to breakfast.”
“He’s been staying over a lot,” Olivia said quietly, tossing a brochure for the University of Washington aside.
Nate frowned as he spooned some eggs onto a plate; Eliot and Maggie had recently started dating, and as soon as it happened, Sophie had told him he was not allowed an opinion and to not interfere. He still didn’t like it. Of course, he hadn’t liked Maggie and Sterling together either, so there was that.
“Have you heard from Hardison or Parker?” he asked quickly because he really wanted to change the subject.
“Parker said they’ll be over later. Eliot’s planning on cooking for all of us,” Sophie replied as she walked over to the sink and deposited her mug there.
In the right light, he could sometimes see the faint scars underneath her make-up, barely visible but there, regardless. It made his chest tighten painfully every time; today, she slid her arm around his waist and pressed into his side, her hip flush against his, and the pressure went away a little.
“Something’s bothering you,” she murmured, turning her head and pressing a kiss to his cheek.
He ducked his head because that was true, and he knew she was searching for an explanation; he just didn’t think he could give her one because it was only a feeling, a sneaking, suspicious thought that had been haunting him ever since the explosion, followed him through their move to Portland.
They were never meant to survive that explosion. Or maybe they were, but there was something else at work here, and he couldn’t figure out what it was. He felt they were being played in some fashion, and he didn’t know how.
He shook his head and smiled at her. “It’s nothing. Just a passing thought.”
***************
“You’ve done well, Jim. Very well.”
Sterling nodded his head and turned from the window. “So, our deal?”
“When this is over, you and your daughter will walk away, and we will not bother you again.”
“When will that be?”
“A year or two.” Christopher leaned over his desk and grinned. “You know, Mynas wasn’t a credit to our organization. He served better as a decoy to get Ford out of hiding than he ever did as head of operations. Now that I’m in charge, things will be done properly.”
“When I called in that favor, you never mentioned that you were working for the same organization as Mynas,” Sterling said slowly. “How do I know I can trust you now?”
“Well, you don’t know for sure. But it wasn’t really a favor. We agreed to protect your daughter in exchange for your services,” Christopher replied. “Besides, it was easy being your bodyguard.”
“Did you intend on blowing them up?”
Christopher shrugged. “They had enough time to get out. I figured if one of them died, well…no one’s irreplaceable. Still, I’m glad we’ve got the whole set just ripe for the picking.”
“They’re damaged goods now,” Sterling remarked.
Christopher waved a hand dismissively. “Ah, we have people who can fix that. But, they think it’s over.”
“Yes, they do.” Sterling heaved a sigh. “Nathan Ford will never know what hit him.”
Chapter One - Chapter Two - Chapter Three - Chapter Four - Chapter Five - Chapter Six - Chapter Seven - Chapter Eight - Chapter Nine*
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