Shoot me..please?
Sunday was pretty cool. I went to Northshore in the morning, got to see Robert hehe. I stayed, good stuff. Afterwards I went to heathers and we got Starbucks and Togo's..yummy hehe. We sat around a bit, rented some good shows like Mean Girls and The Family Guy, then we drove to my neighborhood to pick up some mac and cheese :-D Went back to her house and got all purtied up. We took some cute pictures. Ask and I might give you one. Afterwards we went back to her house and ate and watched Mean Girls. I got home, felt REALLY sick and didn't study. I went to bed feeling horrible and woke up horrible so I didn't go to school assuming I could make up my AP test. I slept the ENTIRE day..i think I slept 20 hours..yeah I was sick and VERY tired lol. James called me to see what was up. We ended up talking almost an hour. It's weird, thats the second time he's called me in like 2 weeks...I haven't talked to James outside of school in the last 2 yrs lol os yeah kind of weird...he's cool though. Anyways... I got up this morning to realize we had a rally..um fun? I go to first period and we had an essay to write in 20 minutes...mucho fun. I did ok..I think ;-/ French I got an A on my quiz and History was boring. At break i went to talk to my Bio teacher, he said I couldn't take my test UNLESS I could get permission from my 4th period teacher to take his test 4th period. I asked her and she said no...so guess what? Its a 0 which means my grade went from a 78% to a 45% fun? oh yeah I was crying...yes crying at school which I never do. People just looked at me weird and ignored me. I did my math test..I helped my group out a lot..joyess. Bio just sucked..I couldn't pay attention for the world man..not for the world...then it was time for the Rally...yeah it sucked...no spirit in me *sigh* Lunch was ok..talked to Gerri and then Chorus was cool as always. Allison gave me a hug :) she's cool. After school I just layed down and watched TV until it was time to go to Terra's. went to SeaScouts...Kiel wasn't there *pout* it was only 5 of us, but I learned some stuff so its cool. Might not be able to go to an event cause its $55 which is insane but yeah...only hw left is reading...*sigh*
I really hate myself right now. I was kicking myself ALL day and I had all rights to do so. It was my fault, I should have remembered I couldn't make that up. I should have come to school..I'm so freakin stupid!!! Man it was a bad day...I cried like all day and I kept wanting to just cut my wrists again..but I didn't...I knew that wasn't the answer. I wanted to punish myself somehow...luckily I talked my way out of it *sigh* this is gunna be hard...I'm going to have to work REALLY hard to get my grades up...right now..they're not pretty..and right now I feel stupid..and right now I just really hate myself and its NOT a good feeling..I really need Robert..I really need his comfort..but I won't even hear from him until tomorrow *sigh*
~Butterfly~
I really hate myself right now. I was kicking myself ALL day and I had all rights to do so. It was my fault, I should have remembered I couldn't make that up. I should have come to school..I'm so freakin stupid!!! Man it was a bad day...I cried like all day and I kept wanting to just cut my wrists again..but I didn't...I knew that wasn't the answer. I wanted to punish myself somehow...luckily I talked my way out of it *sigh* this is gunna be hard...I'm going to have to work REALLY hard to get my grades up...right now..they're not pretty..and right now I feel stupid..and right now I just really hate myself and its NOT a good feeling..I really need Robert..I really need his comfort..but I won't even hear from him until tomorrow *sigh*
~Butterfly~