You don't even miss me.
Well for starters. The past week i've been in a crappy mood. I think it has to do with stupid pms.
And i hung out with mat once since he's been back. Which was the day he came back. I really am sick of thissssss. He's going away AGAIN. I don't understand anything thats going on right now. Everyone doesn't know what they're doing [in general] Like my friends and stuff. It makes me so mad no one ever listens to me "i hate to say i told you so" is something i always end up saying. I try and try and people never listen. Maybe just my friends. Cuz', most of em' are so thick headed it drives me insane. Not to make it out like i'm never that way cuz' i sometimes am. But not all the time. I just never get through to people and when they come crying back to me i don't want to hear it. It's your fault. This is gettin' outta control. I can't take thing's i dont want to fuckin' hear about this stupid girl jess who wants my boy friend so badly. I dont want mat to spare her fucking feelings. This is 100% bullshit. I wont take it. No no no i'm not letting people do what ever the fuck they want. It has to end NOW. I guess i sound really bitchy. But how much longer can i slap on this smile and let people walk all over me. I don't think my friend's understand me when i talk. It's like im wasting my breath. Hello am i talking to a wall??? Everything i say goes right over their head. I'm wineing so much but i dont care this is what this things for and im gonna speak my fucking mind. I'm not trying to make it out like i have it so bad. Thats not the case. It's just people disturbe me so much. I can't understand me. I was such a happy kid always smiling no matter what happend. You couldve slapped me beat me down called me everything you ever wanted and id sit their and say "everything is okay guys im alright" and besides anyone can say that but with me i was so conviseing the smile that i would slap on my face was just so priceless you wouldnt believe i was on the verge of tears. I wish i was like that now. [Well in a way.] I just want to get out of my house so badly right now. I haven't had much to eat and i'm dying to have some fun. Mat means so much to me and i don't want to loose him. I hate jealously but i have so much of it. I called mat on the phone last night and was screaming at him he stayed chilled but i was shacking i don't want to have anyone ruin something good i have with someone. How rare is this for me? With all my past boy friends they always turned out either to be dicks or really didn't like me in the end. This is enough i have to stop this bullshit. I'm just in a bad mood. I always do this i'll snap out of it with in a few hours.
And i hung out with mat once since he's been back. Which was the day he came back. I really am sick of thissssss. He's going away AGAIN. I don't understand anything thats going on right now. Everyone doesn't know what they're doing [in general] Like my friends and stuff. It makes me so mad no one ever listens to me "i hate to say i told you so" is something i always end up saying. I try and try and people never listen. Maybe just my friends. Cuz', most of em' are so thick headed it drives me insane. Not to make it out like i'm never that way cuz' i sometimes am. But not all the time. I just never get through to people and when they come crying back to me i don't want to hear it. It's your fault. This is gettin' outta control. I can't take thing's i dont want to fuckin' hear about this stupid girl jess who wants my boy friend so badly. I dont want mat to spare her fucking feelings. This is 100% bullshit. I wont take it. No no no i'm not letting people do what ever the fuck they want. It has to end NOW. I guess i sound really bitchy. But how much longer can i slap on this smile and let people walk all over me. I don't think my friend's understand me when i talk. It's like im wasting my breath. Hello am i talking to a wall??? Everything i say goes right over their head. I'm wineing so much but i dont care this is what this things for and im gonna speak my fucking mind. I'm not trying to make it out like i have it so bad. Thats not the case. It's just people disturbe me so much. I can't understand me. I was such a happy kid always smiling no matter what happend. You couldve slapped me beat me down called me everything you ever wanted and id sit their and say "everything is okay guys im alright" and besides anyone can say that but with me i was so conviseing the smile that i would slap on my face was just so priceless you wouldnt believe i was on the verge of tears. I wish i was like that now. [Well in a way.] I just want to get out of my house so badly right now. I haven't had much to eat and i'm dying to have some fun. Mat means so much to me and i don't want to loose him. I hate jealously but i have so much of it. I called mat on the phone last night and was screaming at him he stayed chilled but i was shacking i don't want to have anyone ruin something good i have with someone. How rare is this for me? With all my past boy friends they always turned out either to be dicks or really didn't like me in the end. This is enough i have to stop this bullshit. I'm just in a bad mood. I always do this i'll snap out of it with in a few hours.