Writerverse: Table of Doom - Blinding Light
More I Prefer the Mind Control. Dylan and Bonnie might just end up being regular friends, which is the relationship they have in this piece. Enjoy!
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“You really like Xan, don’t you?” Bonnie says. She pulls her legs up to her chest and wraps her arms around her knees, resting her chin on them as she sits on the edge of my bed.
“As...a person,” I say, raising my eyebrow.
“As as more than a person,” she says.
“What the fuck does that mean?” I say, crossing my arms over my chest.
“It means you have feelings for him,” she says, turning to give me a look. “Obviously.”
“That -- that would be really fucking impractical,” I say, shaking my head.
Bonnie laughs, the kind of laugh that suggests my statement is the funniest thing she’s heard all fucking day. She tosses her head back and keeps laughing, her brown eyes sparkling.
I glare at her. “What’s so funny? It really would be impractical to have feelings for Xan. He’s a prince from another planet. Alien royalty? That’s, like, two boxes on the “major star-crossed lovers” checklist. I don’t do star-crossed,” I mutter.
She bites her lip in an apparent attempt to stop laughing. “Since -- since when d-do feelings care -- care what’s practical?” she gasps, unable to stop.
“I can control my feelings,” I mutter. “It’s not like I’m....blinded by Xan’s bright shiny light of awesomeness.” My face burns, as if it wants to contradict me. Thanks, face.
“You? Control your feelings? You who lost your virginity to your best friend’s girlfriend in high school?” she says once she’s finally stopped fucking laughing.
I give her an even more intense glare. My face burns worse as I remember that. Not my finest moment, nope. “Can we not talk about that?” I say, hugging my arms tighter across my chest.
“Fine, fine. I’m just saying -- you can’t control your feelings. You’re crushing on Xan for more than his apparently brilliant penis-usage skills,” she says. My glare doesn’t faze her at all.
Now, I start laughing because of her goofy phrasing. “Penis-usage skills?” I mutter.
“From the way you overshare about him, he apparently knows what to do with it,” she says, leaning against the wall. “If I never hear about how he’s a ‘genius with angles’ ever again, it will be too soon.”
“Let’s change the subject, okay? This conversation is pointless,” I mutter, feeling my face continue to burn.
Can you make Bonnie change the subject? I don’t have feelings for Xan, not like love feelings, anyway. Yeah, I have “I want to fuck him -- repeatedly” feelings, but -- there’s a difference between “I love fucking him” and “I fucking love him.” Stop giving me that look -- hey, I’m not lying, okay? Or in denial. Or lying about being in denial. I’m not blinded by the radiance that is Xan, alright? Shut up, I’m allowed to use the word “radiance” when describing Xan if I’m talking about how I’m not blinded by it.
“It’s not pointless,” Bonnie says, nodding. “Dishonesty in feelings is bad.”
“Look, even if I did have legit Feelings with a capital F for Xan, I would ignore them,” I say, adding as much seriousness to my voice as I fucking can.
Bonnie raises an eyebrow. “Oh, and why would you do that?” she asks.
I lift my hands so they’re level with my shoulders. “Uh, alien royalty? Hello?” I say, shrugging
“Dishonesty isn’t gonna make your feelings go away,” she says, rolling her eyes.
“Don’t roll your eyes. Ignoring things totally makes them go away,” I say. Like my homework -- if I ignore it for long enough, it will go away -- right? No? Fuck.
She just rolls her eyes again. “Like your homework goes away because you don’t actually do it?” she mutters.
“Yes. Like that,” I say, even though I know it’s a lie.
“Your homework doesn’t vanish just because you don’t think about it, and your feelings for Xan won’t vanish just because you don’t think about them. That’s not how human beings work,” she says.
Her eyes bore into me like...something that bores into things. Look, my ability to describe shit right now is not so good, okay?
“Xan’s not human,” I mutter. “So the same rules about feelings...don’t apply to him?” My mouth twitches, and I try not to fucking laugh at how stupid that is.
Bonnie’s mouth twitches, too, and she doubles over in sudden laughter.
“It’s not that fucking funny,” I mutter. My brain wants to laugh, but I won’t let it. I bite my lip to keep from laughing at how ridiculous everything’s gotten. For fuck’s sake, I just wanted to have a chat with a friend, and now there’s all this talk about how I have feelings for Xan?
“Xan’s b-being an alien has -- has n-nothing to do -- to do with how you’re head over -- over heels for him,” Bonnie says through fits of stupid laughter. Her eyes sparkle in a peculiarly annoying way.
I’m blinded by my feelings for Xan? Well, Bonnie’s blinded by her feelings...of superiority in the ways of knowing about feelings. Or something. Hey, when I said I was bad at describing things right now, I fucking meant it.
“Even if were very hypothetically in love with Xan, um, what would I even fucking do about it?” I say. My breath hitches in my throat, and I feel...weird, thinking about how Xan’s gonna up and leave for Zimara soon.
Bonnie shrugs. “Uh, I don’t know. Maybe, y’know, actually tell him?” she says.
“Tell him? He’s gonna go back to his home planet in, like, no time at all. What would be the point of fucking telling him?” I pause, and my face feels hot enough to melt metal, and not, like, the kind of metal that’s liquid at room temperature. “And I’m not in love with him.”
“Right,” Bonnie says, her voice dripping with sarcasm.
Look, I’m not gonna admit I have feelings for Xan, even though I do have feelings for him. It’s just not gonna fucking happen, okay? He’s going to leave for Zimara, and this incredible chapter in my life will be over. That’s how things will go. I just have to deal.
But dealing is so fucking hard.
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“You really like Xan, don’t you?” Bonnie says. She pulls her legs up to her chest and wraps her arms around her knees, resting her chin on them as she sits on the edge of my bed.
“As...a person,” I say, raising my eyebrow.
“As as more than a person,” she says.
“What the fuck does that mean?” I say, crossing my arms over my chest.
“It means you have feelings for him,” she says, turning to give me a look. “Obviously.”
“That -- that would be really fucking impractical,” I say, shaking my head.
Bonnie laughs, the kind of laugh that suggests my statement is the funniest thing she’s heard all fucking day. She tosses her head back and keeps laughing, her brown eyes sparkling.
I glare at her. “What’s so funny? It really would be impractical to have feelings for Xan. He’s a prince from another planet. Alien royalty? That’s, like, two boxes on the “major star-crossed lovers” checklist. I don’t do star-crossed,” I mutter.
She bites her lip in an apparent attempt to stop laughing. “Since -- since when d-do feelings care -- care what’s practical?” she gasps, unable to stop.
“I can control my feelings,” I mutter. “It’s not like I’m....blinded by Xan’s bright shiny light of awesomeness.” My face burns, as if it wants to contradict me. Thanks, face.
“You? Control your feelings? You who lost your virginity to your best friend’s girlfriend in high school?” she says once she’s finally stopped fucking laughing.
I give her an even more intense glare. My face burns worse as I remember that. Not my finest moment, nope. “Can we not talk about that?” I say, hugging my arms tighter across my chest.
“Fine, fine. I’m just saying -- you can’t control your feelings. You’re crushing on Xan for more than his apparently brilliant penis-usage skills,” she says. My glare doesn’t faze her at all.
Now, I start laughing because of her goofy phrasing. “Penis-usage skills?” I mutter.
“From the way you overshare about him, he apparently knows what to do with it,” she says, leaning against the wall. “If I never hear about how he’s a ‘genius with angles’ ever again, it will be too soon.”
“Let’s change the subject, okay? This conversation is pointless,” I mutter, feeling my face continue to burn.
Can you make Bonnie change the subject? I don’t have feelings for Xan, not like love feelings, anyway. Yeah, I have “I want to fuck him -- repeatedly” feelings, but -- there’s a difference between “I love fucking him” and “I fucking love him.” Stop giving me that look -- hey, I’m not lying, okay? Or in denial. Or lying about being in denial. I’m not blinded by the radiance that is Xan, alright? Shut up, I’m allowed to use the word “radiance” when describing Xan if I’m talking about how I’m not blinded by it.
“It’s not pointless,” Bonnie says, nodding. “Dishonesty in feelings is bad.”
“Look, even if I did have legit Feelings with a capital F for Xan, I would ignore them,” I say, adding as much seriousness to my voice as I fucking can.
Bonnie raises an eyebrow. “Oh, and why would you do that?” she asks.
I lift my hands so they’re level with my shoulders. “Uh, alien royalty? Hello?” I say, shrugging
“Dishonesty isn’t gonna make your feelings go away,” she says, rolling her eyes.
“Don’t roll your eyes. Ignoring things totally makes them go away,” I say. Like my homework -- if I ignore it for long enough, it will go away -- right? No? Fuck.
She just rolls her eyes again. “Like your homework goes away because you don’t actually do it?” she mutters.
“Yes. Like that,” I say, even though I know it’s a lie.
“Your homework doesn’t vanish just because you don’t think about it, and your feelings for Xan won’t vanish just because you don’t think about them. That’s not how human beings work,” she says.
Her eyes bore into me like...something that bores into things. Look, my ability to describe shit right now is not so good, okay?
“Xan’s not human,” I mutter. “So the same rules about feelings...don’t apply to him?” My mouth twitches, and I try not to fucking laugh at how stupid that is.
Bonnie’s mouth twitches, too, and she doubles over in sudden laughter.
“It’s not that fucking funny,” I mutter. My brain wants to laugh, but I won’t let it. I bite my lip to keep from laughing at how ridiculous everything’s gotten. For fuck’s sake, I just wanted to have a chat with a friend, and now there’s all this talk about how I have feelings for Xan?
“Xan’s b-being an alien has -- has n-nothing to do -- to do with how you’re head over -- over heels for him,” Bonnie says through fits of stupid laughter. Her eyes sparkle in a peculiarly annoying way.
I’m blinded by my feelings for Xan? Well, Bonnie’s blinded by her feelings...of superiority in the ways of knowing about feelings. Or something. Hey, when I said I was bad at describing things right now, I fucking meant it.
“Even if were very hypothetically in love with Xan, um, what would I even fucking do about it?” I say. My breath hitches in my throat, and I feel...weird, thinking about how Xan’s gonna up and leave for Zimara soon.
Bonnie shrugs. “Uh, I don’t know. Maybe, y’know, actually tell him?” she says.
“Tell him? He’s gonna go back to his home planet in, like, no time at all. What would be the point of fucking telling him?” I pause, and my face feels hot enough to melt metal, and not, like, the kind of metal that’s liquid at room temperature. “And I’m not in love with him.”
“Right,” Bonnie says, her voice dripping with sarcasm.
Look, I’m not gonna admit I have feelings for Xan, even though I do have feelings for him. It’s just not gonna fucking happen, okay? He’s going to leave for Zimara, and this incredible chapter in my life will be over. That’s how things will go. I just have to deal.
But dealing is so fucking hard.