The Wes!Clone Wars
This is my second holiday fic for n3m3sis43. Her request was " Cliffton fic NOT about Devin" so naturally Devin is the POV character in this. Go me!
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That WeaponsDev interview? Almost got all my friends arrested. Can't let that fucking happen again. Gotta figure something out. Been working on this fucking chip for months now. Not sure why, but it's hard to make neurovision implants look like they're off when they're not. Don't fucking get it.
Components needed for my device are insane. Owe some guys from the Splinternet more than I wanna fucking think about. Part of the reason it's taking so long to make this thing is the rare components.
Will test the chip on myself when it's done. Not sure I trust all these fucking components. Don’t trust that strange noise at all. Nothing should be fucking clicking like that. But something is.
Look around my lab. Try to fucking figure out what’s making that noise. Not the chip I’m working on. It’s fucking fine. Something else is doing that. Think it’s the laser incinerator. Go to check. Yeah -- it’s the fucking laser incinerator, clicking. Laser incinerators don’t fucking click.
Turn off the laser incinerator. Or try to. Off switch is fucking broken. The fuck? Shouldn’t be possible. No fucking way.
Fucking machine starts whining. Sounds like Kalen when he doesn’t wanna do something.
Then it starts glowing. The fuck? And fucking rumbling. Think it’s gonna fucking explode.
Duck to the ground when it blows. Hear the door on the thing pop open. And a fucking loud crash.
“Dude, why am I in your attic lab?”
Is that -- is that fucking Wes? No fucking way.
Look up from my position. The fuck? That is fucking Wes. Or something that looks like him. Blink a bunch of times. Still fucking there. Not going fucking away.
“Are you okay?” he asks. Sounds just like Wes, too.
“I’m -- fine, dude,” I mutter.
How the fuck? Wes went to the fucking grocery story to get more orange LaserAde. Can’t be in my attic lab. Not fucking possible. Blink again. Still fucking there.
The fuck?
Wes looks up at the clock on the wall. “Wow, it’s late. I better go make lunch!”
Can’t do anything but fucking stare at him. Makes no sense. How did he get into my lab?
Shake my head. Manage to follow Wes downstairs.
Door to the fucking house opens. “I’m home! Anyone miss me?” It’s Wes. But Wes is in the fucking house.
Look back and forth. Wes in the fucking doorway. Wes fucking next to me. In two places at once. Two fucking Weses. The fuck?
Wes in the doorway spots Wes inside the house. Drops his bag of fucking groceries in surprise.
“Dude!” both Weses fucking shout. “How am I over there?”
“Don’t fucking know,” I say.
“There’s two of me!” the Weses gasp.
They notice the fucking orange LaserAde bottles all over the floor. Both Weses rush to pick them up. I fucking stand there. The fuck is going on?
The two of them bump hands. “Dude, you’re real!”
This can’t be fucking real.
“Hey, Princess, what’s with all the commotion?” Calla steps into the room. Even she fucking stops when she sees the two Weses. Good, not fucking going crazy then. She can fucking see them both, too.
“Don’t fucking call me Princess,” I mutter.
“Something’s wrong with my neural interface. Can you see the two of them?” she says.
Fucking realize something. Can’t tell which Wes is which. Look the fucking same, and I lost track when they went to pick up the LaserAde.
“Yeah, I can see them” I breathe.
Calla puts a hand on her hip. “What, was one admirer not enough for you so you cloned Wes?”
“I’m not a clone!” both Weses protest.
One of them -- one of them has to be a fucking clone. Somehow. The fuck? Cloned Wes by accident. Oh fuck.
“Didn’t clone Wes,” I mumble.
“Then why are there two Weses?” she asks.
Good fucking question. “Wasn’t on purpose.”
She glares at me with her laser eyes. “So you accidentally cloned Wes? Great going, Princess.”
Glare back at her. “Don’t fucking call me Princess.”
“But you’re pretty enough to be a princess,” one of the Weses says.
“Not pretty,” I mutter.
“Don’t you call him pretty; he’s mine, dude,” the other one growls..
The first Wes hisses, “He’s mine, you -- you clone!”
“Takes one to know one, imposter,” Wes Two says.
Wes One fucking charges Wes Two, knocking him to the ground. Wes Two grabs the other one’s hair. Fucking pulls on it.
“Ow, dude,” he shrieks.
The two start fucking rolling around on the floor. Pull at each other’s hair. The fuck?
Calla snickers. “Hey Wes, are you fighting over Devin or literally trying to screw yourself?”
Not blushing. Had fucking enough, though. Need to know which one is the real Wes.
“Fucking stop it!” I yell.
Takes them a minute to fucking hear me. The Weses snap apart. Look ashamed of themselves.
They mumble, “Sorry, Devin, but he’s a clone.”
Glare at the both of them. “Gonna fucking settle this.” Can’t believe I’m gonna fucking do this, but I’ve got no fucking choice. Grab both of the Weses, direct them both to the couch. “I’m gonna ask you both some questions only the real Wes would know.”
Stand in front of the two Weses, glaring. “We’ll start with an easy one. What’s your favorite flower, Wes?” Should be fucking simple. The real Wes fucking hates flowers.
Wes One grins. “Five-petaled flubers!”
Wes Two looks almost hurt. Wrinkles his nose. “Devin, dude, you know I hate flowers.”
Have my answer right fucking there.
Look at Wes One. “Dude, you’re a fucking clone. The real Wes hates flowers.”
“I’m not a clone,” he protests.
Don’t stop looking at him. “You fucking are.”
“Noooo,” he whines. Starts fucking shaking. Then fucking melting. Into brownish goo.
Stand there in shock. The fuck?
Soon nothing’s left of Wes One but a stain on the couch.
“Well, that was -- interesting,” Calla mutters.
“The couch!” Wes cries. “That stain is never gonna come out.”
Glad that’s fucking over.
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written for 500themes prompt #183 - "Blue Mists"
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That WeaponsDev interview? Almost got all my friends arrested. Can't let that fucking happen again. Gotta figure something out. Been working on this fucking chip for months now. Not sure why, but it's hard to make neurovision implants look like they're off when they're not. Don't fucking get it.
Components needed for my device are insane. Owe some guys from the Splinternet more than I wanna fucking think about. Part of the reason it's taking so long to make this thing is the rare components.
Will test the chip on myself when it's done. Not sure I trust all these fucking components. Don’t trust that strange noise at all. Nothing should be fucking clicking like that. But something is.
Look around my lab. Try to fucking figure out what’s making that noise. Not the chip I’m working on. It’s fucking fine. Something else is doing that. Think it’s the laser incinerator. Go to check. Yeah -- it’s the fucking laser incinerator, clicking. Laser incinerators don’t fucking click.
Turn off the laser incinerator. Or try to. Off switch is fucking broken. The fuck? Shouldn’t be possible. No fucking way.
Fucking machine starts whining. Sounds like Kalen when he doesn’t wanna do something.
Then it starts glowing. The fuck? And fucking rumbling. Think it’s gonna fucking explode.
Duck to the ground when it blows. Hear the door on the thing pop open. And a fucking loud crash.
“Dude, why am I in your attic lab?”
Is that -- is that fucking Wes? No fucking way.
Look up from my position. The fuck? That is fucking Wes. Or something that looks like him. Blink a bunch of times. Still fucking there. Not going fucking away.
“Are you okay?” he asks. Sounds just like Wes, too.
“I’m -- fine, dude,” I mutter.
How the fuck? Wes went to the fucking grocery story to get more orange LaserAde. Can’t be in my attic lab. Not fucking possible. Blink again. Still fucking there.
The fuck?
Wes looks up at the clock on the wall. “Wow, it’s late. I better go make lunch!”
Can’t do anything but fucking stare at him. Makes no sense. How did he get into my lab?
Shake my head. Manage to follow Wes downstairs.
Door to the fucking house opens. “I’m home! Anyone miss me?” It’s Wes. But Wes is in the fucking house.
Look back and forth. Wes in the fucking doorway. Wes fucking next to me. In two places at once. Two fucking Weses. The fuck?
Wes in the doorway spots Wes inside the house. Drops his bag of fucking groceries in surprise.
“Dude!” both Weses fucking shout. “How am I over there?”
“Don’t fucking know,” I say.
“There’s two of me!” the Weses gasp.
They notice the fucking orange LaserAde bottles all over the floor. Both Weses rush to pick them up. I fucking stand there. The fuck is going on?
The two of them bump hands. “Dude, you’re real!”
This can’t be fucking real.
“Hey, Princess, what’s with all the commotion?” Calla steps into the room. Even she fucking stops when she sees the two Weses. Good, not fucking going crazy then. She can fucking see them both, too.
“Don’t fucking call me Princess,” I mutter.
“Something’s wrong with my neural interface. Can you see the two of them?” she says.
Fucking realize something. Can’t tell which Wes is which. Look the fucking same, and I lost track when they went to pick up the LaserAde.
“Yeah, I can see them” I breathe.
Calla puts a hand on her hip. “What, was one admirer not enough for you so you cloned Wes?”
“I’m not a clone!” both Weses protest.
One of them -- one of them has to be a fucking clone. Somehow. The fuck? Cloned Wes by accident. Oh fuck.
“Didn’t clone Wes,” I mumble.
“Then why are there two Weses?” she asks.
Good fucking question. “Wasn’t on purpose.”
She glares at me with her laser eyes. “So you accidentally cloned Wes? Great going, Princess.”
Glare back at her. “Don’t fucking call me Princess.”
“But you’re pretty enough to be a princess,” one of the Weses says.
“Not pretty,” I mutter.
“Don’t you call him pretty; he’s mine, dude,” the other one growls..
The first Wes hisses, “He’s mine, you -- you clone!”
“Takes one to know one, imposter,” Wes Two says.
Wes One fucking charges Wes Two, knocking him to the ground. Wes Two grabs the other one’s hair. Fucking pulls on it.
“Ow, dude,” he shrieks.
The two start fucking rolling around on the floor. Pull at each other’s hair. The fuck?
Calla snickers. “Hey Wes, are you fighting over Devin or literally trying to screw yourself?”
Not blushing. Had fucking enough, though. Need to know which one is the real Wes.
“Fucking stop it!” I yell.
Takes them a minute to fucking hear me. The Weses snap apart. Look ashamed of themselves.
They mumble, “Sorry, Devin, but he’s a clone.”
Glare at the both of them. “Gonna fucking settle this.” Can’t believe I’m gonna fucking do this, but I’ve got no fucking choice. Grab both of the Weses, direct them both to the couch. “I’m gonna ask you both some questions only the real Wes would know.”
Stand in front of the two Weses, glaring. “We’ll start with an easy one. What’s your favorite flower, Wes?” Should be fucking simple. The real Wes fucking hates flowers.
Wes One grins. “Five-petaled flubers!”
Wes Two looks almost hurt. Wrinkles his nose. “Devin, dude, you know I hate flowers.”
Have my answer right fucking there.
Look at Wes One. “Dude, you’re a fucking clone. The real Wes hates flowers.”
“I’m not a clone,” he protests.
Don’t stop looking at him. “You fucking are.”
“Noooo,” he whines. Starts fucking shaking. Then fucking melting. Into brownish goo.
Stand there in shock. The fuck?
Soon nothing’s left of Wes One but a stain on the couch.
“Well, that was -- interesting,” Calla mutters.
“The couch!” Wes cries. “That stain is never gonna come out.”
Glad that’s fucking over.
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written for 500themes prompt #183 - "Blue Mists"