he sat on my friggin' hamburgers
It was 11:00 Monday night, and I pulled into the McDonald's on South Blvd. I was hungry, and I was on my way to get drunk at a club. McDonald's, sadly, does not have hamburgers on their Late Night menu. What the hell, how can you not have burgers, you're McDonald's. Anyway, I spent $6 for two Quarter Pounders (Royales w/ no cheese for you English people out there) which was the closest thing I could get.
It got to be about 11:30 (drive thru is slow) when I pulled into the lot at Tutto Mondo, where Manda and Mel and various others were already enjoying themselves. I had about half a burger in my hand, and the other one sat in a bag in my passenger seat. I was almost finished with the first burger when a dirty-looking fellow rapped on the window of my woefully unlocked passenger side door. He asked if I'd give him a ride to a club up the street. I said no, I'm not in the habit of letting anyone ride in my car. He offered a wad of cash, and I again declined. He opened my door and got in, sitting on top of my second hamburger. He asked again, nicely, if I would give him a ride. I explained to him that he'd just sat on my dinner, and this made me even less inclined to drive him anywhere. He then explained to me that I had a choice. I could either leave the keys and keep quiet (not my preference), I could drive him to the club, or he would slit my throat.
Oh Good.
"Kill the dome light, roll up the windows."
He leaned back as far as he could in the seat (this is laughable if you know the amount of crap I have in my car) and reiterated his willingness to cut me. I took him at his word.
We pulled out of the space where I was parked, and I hit the gas. He said that any attempt to stop would result in my being stabbed. As we pulled through the lot, I realized I was driving in between two parked cop cars with lights going. I heard them yell "GET ON THE GROUND, PUT YOUR HANDS ON YOUR HEAD" to another gentleman who was on the other side of my car (who later turned out to be my captor's nephew). I sped out of the lot, turned right down South Boulevard towards the city.
He apologized for what he was doing. I offered him my other burger. And my wallet.
"Nah man, I don't want your fucking burger or your wallet."
Fair enough.
We turned down side streets at his request, making many odd U-turns. I stopped at a stop sign when a car was coming, and he made sure I knew he still had a knife and was willing to use it.
No more stops.
We reached South Boulevard again, and at the corner of McDonald and South, he jumped out. Turning back into the car, he gave me some news.
"If you go back and tell anyone about this, I'll find you and I'll fucking kill you."
I wished him good luck, and then sped off.
Back at the club, I pulled up next to the remaining police car, where a female officer had the nephew in her back seat. He let me have it, threatening me with death, screaming at me through the window as I explained to the officer what happened. She radioed for others, and 6 other cruisers arrived, with two K9 units and a firetruck. I went back to my space, waited for someone to ask me for a statement, hid my face from the guy in the car, and talked to Manda and Mel, who had just arrived.
I chugged a bottle of water and mulled over the mud now caked all over my passenger seat.
I was approached by an officer who took down my statement, and after thanking him for being friendly, I went upstairs to the club.
Jaeger Bombs awaited, and I chugged them down.
Five minutes later, when I'd been sufficiently intoxicated, I got a call from the police. They wanted me to come and give them a statement uptown. I was far too drunk, and I let them know this. They sent a car for me.
After being uptown and identifying the guy (the details of which I'll leave out for my sake) I was given a ride back to the club. I was there for a while, waited to sober up, and then said my goodnights.
Long night. I didn't sleep. I called in to work. My heart was still pounding.
I later found the pictures of both the guy who kidnapped me and his nephew, and I saw the news coverage.
That's my story.
It got to be about 11:30 (drive thru is slow) when I pulled into the lot at Tutto Mondo, where Manda and Mel and various others were already enjoying themselves. I had about half a burger in my hand, and the other one sat in a bag in my passenger seat. I was almost finished with the first burger when a dirty-looking fellow rapped on the window of my woefully unlocked passenger side door. He asked if I'd give him a ride to a club up the street. I said no, I'm not in the habit of letting anyone ride in my car. He offered a wad of cash, and I again declined. He opened my door and got in, sitting on top of my second hamburger. He asked again, nicely, if I would give him a ride. I explained to him that he'd just sat on my dinner, and this made me even less inclined to drive him anywhere. He then explained to me that I had a choice. I could either leave the keys and keep quiet (not my preference), I could drive him to the club, or he would slit my throat.
Oh Good.
"Kill the dome light, roll up the windows."
He leaned back as far as he could in the seat (this is laughable if you know the amount of crap I have in my car) and reiterated his willingness to cut me. I took him at his word.
We pulled out of the space where I was parked, and I hit the gas. He said that any attempt to stop would result in my being stabbed. As we pulled through the lot, I realized I was driving in between two parked cop cars with lights going. I heard them yell "GET ON THE GROUND, PUT YOUR HANDS ON YOUR HEAD" to another gentleman who was on the other side of my car (who later turned out to be my captor's nephew). I sped out of the lot, turned right down South Boulevard towards the city.
He apologized for what he was doing. I offered him my other burger. And my wallet.
"Nah man, I don't want your fucking burger or your wallet."
Fair enough.
We turned down side streets at his request, making many odd U-turns. I stopped at a stop sign when a car was coming, and he made sure I knew he still had a knife and was willing to use it.
No more stops.
We reached South Boulevard again, and at the corner of McDonald and South, he jumped out. Turning back into the car, he gave me some news.
"If you go back and tell anyone about this, I'll find you and I'll fucking kill you."
I wished him good luck, and then sped off.
Back at the club, I pulled up next to the remaining police car, where a female officer had the nephew in her back seat. He let me have it, threatening me with death, screaming at me through the window as I explained to the officer what happened. She radioed for others, and 6 other cruisers arrived, with two K9 units and a firetruck. I went back to my space, waited for someone to ask me for a statement, hid my face from the guy in the car, and talked to Manda and Mel, who had just arrived.
I chugged a bottle of water and mulled over the mud now caked all over my passenger seat.
I was approached by an officer who took down my statement, and after thanking him for being friendly, I went upstairs to the club.
Jaeger Bombs awaited, and I chugged them down.
Five minutes later, when I'd been sufficiently intoxicated, I got a call from the police. They wanted me to come and give them a statement uptown. I was far too drunk, and I let them know this. They sent a car for me.
After being uptown and identifying the guy (the details of which I'll leave out for my sake) I was given a ride back to the club. I was there for a while, waited to sober up, and then said my goodnights.
Long night. I didn't sleep. I called in to work. My heart was still pounding.
I later found the pictures of both the guy who kidnapped me and his nephew, and I saw the news coverage.
That's my story.