Two little words (a Mark/Eduardo fic)
Note: I'm sorry if the lines on bold text look weird. It was the best I could think of to indicate who was saying what in the dialogues.
Mark doesn't know why this is A Big Deal. Yes, he knows it's something he's not supposed to do. Not him. ''Mark The Iceberg'', the persona everyone seems to think he is. He knows that. Just because he doesn't care about what people think of him doesn't mean he doesn't know what they say behind his back.
He still doesn't get why people think him saying I love you to Eduardo in a regular basis is going to cause a rip in the space-time continuum. Why wouldn't he say it? It's the true. It's a fact. Water is wet, the sky is up, Mark loves Eduardo. People don't need to make puppy eyes at him when he says it, or pretend to be working while they text their friends with their mouths hanging open. He thinks he even saw an intern tear up once. It's ridiculous.
These things bother him. Saying I love you to the people you love is standard human behavior (okay, maybe the fact that he phrases things this way isn't helping his case, but stil...) He's doing something so ordinary and people act like he just gave Wardo the moon (not that he wouldn't. He would totally do it. Maybe not the moon, but he would be on the phone with Spielberg working on the details of the replica before Wardo had even finished asking. )
Is he such a cold-hearted asshole that this is the pinnacle of romantic behaviour for him? Is this the best Wardo thinks it can get from him? Is he glad to just have that? Has he resigned to never expect anything better than normal from Mark? Did he spent so much time just wishing he could get Mark's attention that now he's convinced himself that, because he's finally got it, that's enough?
Does he even believe it when Mark says I love you? Or does he think it means something else? That Mark loves him ''in his own way'', like Wardo's father loves him ''in his own way''? That Mark loves him as much as he can, except ''as much as he can'' is not that much? That, when Mark says I love you that's filtered by Mark's skewed perspective on what love even is?
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Dustin translates the world for him. That's why Mark likes him so much. It's not that Mark's not perceptive. It's just that, most of the time, he doesn't care enough to pay atention. But, for that, he has Dustin. Dustin says and amplifies what everyone else is thinking. Dustin is the bullshit-free spokesperson for the collective pulse.
So, when Mark turns on his laptop while waiting for Wardo's flight to arrive and finds out Dustin changed his wallpaper to one with the Tin Man from Wizard of Oz, he fights his initial urge to send embarrassing e-mails in Dustin's name to Natalie Portman, and texts him instead.
What was that about?
that's the Tin Man. from the wizard of oz.
Thank you for cracking the code, Dustin. I hadn't figured out that obscure pop culture reference.
the Tin Man. Coz now u got a heart.
I should fire you for messing with my laptop.
not afraid of u anymore. now u re human
So, that's official then. Apparently he didn't even have a heart before.
He stares at his cellphone like he can make Dustin's head burst into flames if he concentrates hard enough on staring at his name on the contacts list. When he notices the world around him, Wardo's already next to him, a fond smile on his face.
What's the matter? he says.
Dustin's an idiot. He clings to Wardo like he's just come back from the war. I love you.
I love you too. he answers. That's not what Mark wanted to hear.
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When he sees Wardo coming through the doors with a look in his face that makes him seem a wounded animal, at first Mark thinks he's dreaming. The recurring dream he has where Wardo smashes his laptop and tells him to lawyer up because he's coming back for everything. Or the one where Wardo tells him he's leaving, that Mark hasn't changed, that he's still the same asshole, that this was all a waste of time. That there's no hope for him, no improvement. He'll never be a better man.
He realizes he's awake because he can talk. He can never talk in those dreams.
Why didn't you tell me my father called?
Oh crap.
Wardo, I...
My mom called me today and told me he talked to you three days ago. That he tried to reach me. For my birthday. Goddamn, Mark, I thought he had forgotten my birthday!
You always got sad when he called you!
What?
In college. Everytime he called you, you looked like shit for days! I didn't want you to feel like that. I didn't want it to ruin your birthday...to ruin our dinner, ruin everything!
Wardo's face is softer now. It's okay. It's okay, he keeps saying while he hugs Mark. You were looking after me. The ''in your own way'' goes unsaid.
I love you. Mark says, and hears Wardo's voice in his ear:
It's okay. Guess you were right. It's okay. And I really enjoyed that dinner.
That's great. It's soothing. It's music to his ears. It's still not what he needs to hear the most.
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He tries his best to pick up his phone before Wardo wakes up, but fails. By the time he says Hello to Chris, Wardo's already looking at him with a look on his face that says I didn't dream for a second your plans to spend the weekend with me without worrying about work would come true, and I kinda think you're an asshole, but that's alright because you're my asshole and I'm the greatest person in the entire world and still love you, even tough you're a jerk who's going to leave me all alone after I came from New York to spend time with you. At least that's what he thinks it says. He was never good at reading people. Maybe he's projecting. At least the ''being a jerk'' part.
When the call ends, he says Sorry. The new app is making the site crash. Go back to sleep, gets up, takes his laptop and sits at the table.
He's back in bed in 10 minutes.
What...what were you doing? Wardo asks, sleep and confusion making his voice slower.
Telling Chris to put Dustin and Andy to work on that problem, and to call Daniel to get there too, and that, if he gets mad this is his day off, I'll give him a raise.
Why?
Because they're our best programmers, and the site can't keep crashing, and I'm going to make Dustin pay for messing with my wallpaper.
Your wallpa...no, I mean why aren't you running to Facebook?
Because you're here.Mark says in the tone of voice he uses to state the obvious, the plain facts, the self-evident truths of the world.
And I love you he adds, placing a kiss on Wardo's forehead.
I know, Wardo says, and Mark drifts into the most peaceful sleep he's had in weeks. That's what he's been waiting to hear all along.
Mark doesn't know why this is A Big Deal. Yes, he knows it's something he's not supposed to do. Not him. ''Mark The Iceberg'', the persona everyone seems to think he is. He knows that. Just because he doesn't care about what people think of him doesn't mean he doesn't know what they say behind his back.
He still doesn't get why people think him saying I love you to Eduardo in a regular basis is going to cause a rip in the space-time continuum. Why wouldn't he say it? It's the true. It's a fact. Water is wet, the sky is up, Mark loves Eduardo. People don't need to make puppy eyes at him when he says it, or pretend to be working while they text their friends with their mouths hanging open. He thinks he even saw an intern tear up once. It's ridiculous.
These things bother him. Saying I love you to the people you love is standard human behavior (okay, maybe the fact that he phrases things this way isn't helping his case, but stil...) He's doing something so ordinary and people act like he just gave Wardo the moon (not that he wouldn't. He would totally do it. Maybe not the moon, but he would be on the phone with Spielberg working on the details of the replica before Wardo had even finished asking. )
Is he such a cold-hearted asshole that this is the pinnacle of romantic behaviour for him? Is this the best Wardo thinks it can get from him? Is he glad to just have that? Has he resigned to never expect anything better than normal from Mark? Did he spent so much time just wishing he could get Mark's attention that now he's convinced himself that, because he's finally got it, that's enough?
Does he even believe it when Mark says I love you? Or does he think it means something else? That Mark loves him ''in his own way'', like Wardo's father loves him ''in his own way''? That Mark loves him as much as he can, except ''as much as he can'' is not that much? That, when Mark says I love you that's filtered by Mark's skewed perspective on what love even is?
================================================================================================
Dustin translates the world for him. That's why Mark likes him so much. It's not that Mark's not perceptive. It's just that, most of the time, he doesn't care enough to pay atention. But, for that, he has Dustin. Dustin says and amplifies what everyone else is thinking. Dustin is the bullshit-free spokesperson for the collective pulse.
So, when Mark turns on his laptop while waiting for Wardo's flight to arrive and finds out Dustin changed his wallpaper to one with the Tin Man from Wizard of Oz, he fights his initial urge to send embarrassing e-mails in Dustin's name to Natalie Portman, and texts him instead.
What was that about?
that's the Tin Man. from the wizard of oz.
Thank you for cracking the code, Dustin. I hadn't figured out that obscure pop culture reference.
the Tin Man. Coz now u got a heart.
I should fire you for messing with my laptop.
not afraid of u anymore. now u re human
So, that's official then. Apparently he didn't even have a heart before.
He stares at his cellphone like he can make Dustin's head burst into flames if he concentrates hard enough on staring at his name on the contacts list. When he notices the world around him, Wardo's already next to him, a fond smile on his face.
What's the matter? he says.
Dustin's an idiot. He clings to Wardo like he's just come back from the war. I love you.
I love you too. he answers. That's not what Mark wanted to hear.
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When he sees Wardo coming through the doors with a look in his face that makes him seem a wounded animal, at first Mark thinks he's dreaming. The recurring dream he has where Wardo smashes his laptop and tells him to lawyer up because he's coming back for everything. Or the one where Wardo tells him he's leaving, that Mark hasn't changed, that he's still the same asshole, that this was all a waste of time. That there's no hope for him, no improvement. He'll never be a better man.
He realizes he's awake because he can talk. He can never talk in those dreams.
Why didn't you tell me my father called?
Oh crap.
Wardo, I...
My mom called me today and told me he talked to you three days ago. That he tried to reach me. For my birthday. Goddamn, Mark, I thought he had forgotten my birthday!
You always got sad when he called you!
What?
In college. Everytime he called you, you looked like shit for days! I didn't want you to feel like that. I didn't want it to ruin your birthday...to ruin our dinner, ruin everything!
Wardo's face is softer now. It's okay. It's okay, he keeps saying while he hugs Mark. You were looking after me. The ''in your own way'' goes unsaid.
I love you. Mark says, and hears Wardo's voice in his ear:
It's okay. Guess you were right. It's okay. And I really enjoyed that dinner.
That's great. It's soothing. It's music to his ears. It's still not what he needs to hear the most.
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He tries his best to pick up his phone before Wardo wakes up, but fails. By the time he says Hello to Chris, Wardo's already looking at him with a look on his face that says I didn't dream for a second your plans to spend the weekend with me without worrying about work would come true, and I kinda think you're an asshole, but that's alright because you're my asshole and I'm the greatest person in the entire world and still love you, even tough you're a jerk who's going to leave me all alone after I came from New York to spend time with you. At least that's what he thinks it says. He was never good at reading people. Maybe he's projecting. At least the ''being a jerk'' part.
When the call ends, he says Sorry. The new app is making the site crash. Go back to sleep, gets up, takes his laptop and sits at the table.
He's back in bed in 10 minutes.
What...what were you doing? Wardo asks, sleep and confusion making his voice slower.
Telling Chris to put Dustin and Andy to work on that problem, and to call Daniel to get there too, and that, if he gets mad this is his day off, I'll give him a raise.
Why?
Because they're our best programmers, and the site can't keep crashing, and I'm going to make Dustin pay for messing with my wallpaper.
Your wallpa...no, I mean why aren't you running to Facebook?
Because you're here.Mark says in the tone of voice he uses to state the obvious, the plain facts, the self-evident truths of the world.
And I love you he adds, placing a kiss on Wardo's forehead.
I know, Wardo says, and Mark drifts into the most peaceful sleep he's had in weeks. That's what he's been waiting to hear all along.