It's Only a Confession If You've Done Something Wrong (a Mark/Eduardo fic)
Eduardo knows his father probably thinks he's doing it out of spite. Just to get under his skin. Just because it's the polar opposite of what he thinks his son should be doing. It's typical of him. It wouldn't even cross his mind that his son might be his own person. That not every action of his is a mere reaction to his father.
Eduardo knows his father probably thinks it's just a phase. That if they don't name it, if they pretend it's not there, it will go away. That he will find an adequate wife, from a good family, with the right contacts. That he will get married, settle down. That any indulgence in what his father calls ''inappropriate urges'' will be illicit encounters with anonymous men, a dark cloud of shame over them, like this is some sort of anathema, something he can only do, something he can only be, in fragments, in the dark, something it can only be seen by people as tainted as him. After all, he likes girls too, his father knows that. Why would he choose any other way than the easy one, the adequate one, the one with the least amount of pain? His father doesn't even consider someone might be worth it.
His father doesn't even consider that, even if Eduardo marries a woman, she will probably look as defective as his son does in his eyes. Because he doesn't even consider marriage is an end in itself. It's not a strategy, a way to climb the social ladder or to meet the right people. His father doesn't even consider that the person Eduardo marries might be a man. Because he doesn't even consider that marriage is not about what's apropriate, or what's state-sanctioned, or what's easier, because he doesn't even consider his son might marry someone even if it alienates him from his family. Eduardo doesn't even consider he wouldn't really be giving up on much.
================================================================================================
When he goes downstairs, his father knows. He probably didn't even had to pick up the extension. He wouldn't do that, anyway. He feels so entitled to unlimited judgment on his son's life he would just ask him what the conversation was about, and not think for a second Eduardo wouldn't tell him. He probably overheard it. Eduardo hasn't been home for a while, he forgot how the sound travels when your father's by the pool and you're in your bedroom, reminding your friend's roommate ( not your friend, you can go through a week without talking to him, you don't miss his voice, you're not wondering if he's okay, you don't wonder if he misses you. this is under control. it is. )that he's gotta eat real food. He pretends he doesn't see the way his father keeps looking at him and goes home three days sooner than planned.
================================================================================================
His father isn't even disapointed. He thinks that's what hurts the most.
You're blaming someone else because you made a bad financial decision for your own company?
It sounds so much like Mark he wonders if he did it on purpose. If he gets attached to people like his father - cold, distant, emotionally unavailable - in the desperate hope the attention he gets from them will fix something. Love by proxy. The closest he can get to it. The only thing he deserves.
Freezing that account. You think that was the behavior of a man? That was the action of a child. A child who tried to stop the game because he didn't like the rules. It was the action of a scorned lover. Of a boy petty enough to punish someone for not giving you the attention you thought you deserved, and dumb enough to think that was the way to get it.
His father's eyes are completely fixed on him now. Intent on reading his every expression. He hates it that the only times he gets his father's undivided attention is when he's having his soul picked apart against his will.
Were you fucking that boy? He doesn't even have time to react. No, of course you weren't. He would never be stupid enough for that.
He was wrong earlier. That was what hurt the most.
================================================================================================
When his phone rings in the middle of the night, he doesn't know if his father thinks he's in Singapore, where it's still afternoon, or if, as always, his son's comfort came last in his list of priorities. His father doesn't even wait for a Hello., his voice getting louder and louder, to the point Eduardo has to put the phone away from his ear.
Eduardo! Is true what they're saying?! That boy screws you over and you go back crawling for him?! Do you have NO pride?! Do you have any idea the things my friends have been hearing?!
He doesn't say He's not a boy, and neither am I, so stop treating me like one! He doesn't say HE was the one who came back begging for a second chance! He doesn't say I can't believe I could think for a second that he was anything like you.
Instead, he says Stop shouting. You're going to wake up Mark., turns his cell phone off, kisses Mark in the shoulder and goes back to sleep.
Eduardo knows his father probably thinks it's just a phase. That if they don't name it, if they pretend it's not there, it will go away. That he will find an adequate wife, from a good family, with the right contacts. That he will get married, settle down. That any indulgence in what his father calls ''inappropriate urges'' will be illicit encounters with anonymous men, a dark cloud of shame over them, like this is some sort of anathema, something he can only do, something he can only be, in fragments, in the dark, something it can only be seen by people as tainted as him. After all, he likes girls too, his father knows that. Why would he choose any other way than the easy one, the adequate one, the one with the least amount of pain? His father doesn't even consider someone might be worth it.
His father doesn't even consider that, even if Eduardo marries a woman, she will probably look as defective as his son does in his eyes. Because he doesn't even consider marriage is an end in itself. It's not a strategy, a way to climb the social ladder or to meet the right people. His father doesn't even consider that the person Eduardo marries might be a man. Because he doesn't even consider that marriage is not about what's apropriate, or what's state-sanctioned, or what's easier, because he doesn't even consider his son might marry someone even if it alienates him from his family. Eduardo doesn't even consider he wouldn't really be giving up on much.
================================================================================================
When he goes downstairs, his father knows. He probably didn't even had to pick up the extension. He wouldn't do that, anyway. He feels so entitled to unlimited judgment on his son's life he would just ask him what the conversation was about, and not think for a second Eduardo wouldn't tell him. He probably overheard it. Eduardo hasn't been home for a while, he forgot how the sound travels when your father's by the pool and you're in your bedroom, reminding your friend's roommate ( not your friend, you can go through a week without talking to him, you don't miss his voice, you're not wondering if he's okay, you don't wonder if he misses you. this is under control. it is. )that he's gotta eat real food. He pretends he doesn't see the way his father keeps looking at him and goes home three days sooner than planned.
================================================================================================
His father isn't even disapointed. He thinks that's what hurts the most.
You're blaming someone else because you made a bad financial decision for your own company?
It sounds so much like Mark he wonders if he did it on purpose. If he gets attached to people like his father - cold, distant, emotionally unavailable - in the desperate hope the attention he gets from them will fix something. Love by proxy. The closest he can get to it. The only thing he deserves.
Freezing that account. You think that was the behavior of a man? That was the action of a child. A child who tried to stop the game because he didn't like the rules. It was the action of a scorned lover. Of a boy petty enough to punish someone for not giving you the attention you thought you deserved, and dumb enough to think that was the way to get it.
His father's eyes are completely fixed on him now. Intent on reading his every expression. He hates it that the only times he gets his father's undivided attention is when he's having his soul picked apart against his will.
Were you fucking that boy? He doesn't even have time to react. No, of course you weren't. He would never be stupid enough for that.
He was wrong earlier. That was what hurt the most.
================================================================================================
When his phone rings in the middle of the night, he doesn't know if his father thinks he's in Singapore, where it's still afternoon, or if, as always, his son's comfort came last in his list of priorities. His father doesn't even wait for a Hello., his voice getting louder and louder, to the point Eduardo has to put the phone away from his ear.
Eduardo! Is true what they're saying?! That boy screws you over and you go back crawling for him?! Do you have NO pride?! Do you have any idea the things my friends have been hearing?!
He doesn't say He's not a boy, and neither am I, so stop treating me like one! He doesn't say HE was the one who came back begging for a second chance! He doesn't say I can't believe I could think for a second that he was anything like you.
Instead, he says Stop shouting. You're going to wake up Mark., turns his cell phone off, kisses Mark in the shoulder and goes back to sleep.