Oof
I’ve been in a real funk as of late. I’ve told a couple people and some ask me, “is there anything I can do to help?” I don’t have an answer. Keep trying with me I guess? Kc really freezes up when I say I’m depressed. I wish he was different or I wish I didn’t care about him. Either would be better than this. I keep pouring out of my empty cup for him, waiting for reciprocation that isn’t coming. I know this. It’s not coming. And yet, he asks me to jump and I don’t hesitate. The fucked up part is jumping makes me feel so good too. I’m needed! I’m included! I’m valued. And then I’m discarded. I’m unconsidered. I’m an afterthought.
Maybe I’m making it more dramatic than it is. I know I’m not the main character here. I wish I didn’t care so much about everything.