Fic: Make Up Test Part One
Title: Make Up Test
Author: alicebluegown16
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Finn just came by to apologize. And somehow it leads to sex. It's college. These things happen.
Pairing: Will/Finn
Spoilers: NONE! This be an AU.
AN: College AU with Will and Finn the same age. Because after a months long case of writer's block, this is what my brain came up with and I just went with it.
Warning: Teeny tiniest bit of possibly dubious consent.
Word Count: 9,070 over all. 3,350 for Part One.
Finn Hudson is of the opinion that there are few sights as depressing as a college dorm the week before school lets out for the summer. The building looks even more stark and institutional right now, all the posters and decorations the RAs put up at the beginning of the year are gone leaving scuffed and chipped bare walls, every door is shut tight, and the halls are eerily silent. Everyone has either gone home or is frantically cramming for those last few classes with finals.
Will hasn’t gone home yet. Finn knows he still has finals left because every semester on the first day of classes, Will prints up his all his syllabi and exam schedules and tapes them to his door and Finn being a pathetic love struck loser memorized them. Finn knows Will would have avoided the library (“All that pressure and tension in the air, it makes me even more stressed”) and will instead be reviewing in the privacy of his dorm room where he can spread out his notes, stick up all the little post-its and index cards that make it look like an office supply store exploded, drink his so strong you could almost stand a spoon up in it coffee, and just be the generally perfect, adorable, sweet, kind of obsessive compulsive nerd Finn is so totally gone on. Which is too fucking bad for him now that Will likely fucking hates his guts.
The butterflies in Finn’s stomach have mutated to the size of pterodactyls and he tries to convince himself it’s some of that pressure and tension in the air infecting him and it’s not because he hasn’t spoken to Will since February.
Or rather, that Finn is a total pussy and hasn’t been brave enough to attempt to talk to Will since February and Will finally decided to give up and let him go.
But he doesn’t want to be let go. He wants to go back to seeing Will everyday, Will sitting across from him in the library with their knees touching under the desk as he somehow manages to explain the assignment in a way that doesn’t make Finn feel like a total idiot, Will talking with him in the cafeteria for hours, oblivious to the dirty looks of the staff attempting to stack the chairs around them, Will leaning against him smelling of sweat and sunshine after a game of Ultimate Frisbee on the quad lawn, Will excitedly rambling about whatever obscure music or movie has become his most current obsession, Will’s throat punch gorgeous grin when Finn listens to said music or watches said film and has to concede that yeah, it was just as awesome as he said would be…he wants all of that back, but he knows it’s impossible, that he’s ruined it, so he’ll try to be content with making things right again.
He takes a deep breath, orders the mutant butterflies to come in for a landing, and knocks on Will’s door.
“It’s open.” Will calls from the other side and Finn can picture him, he probably didn’t even look up, is probably expecting one of his classmates with a question, Will’s good about that kind of thing, always willing to help, or the RA with last minute instruction on moving out procedure. He’s certain Will isn’t expecting him.
When he enters, Will glances up and does an immediate double take.
“Ummm….hey.”
“Hello.” Will doesn’t close his textbook, seeming to make it clear he doesn’t intend this meeting to last very long.
“I uh…I was bored and just…nearby…” Nearby in that left his own dorm after spending a good hour psyching himself up, walking ten minutes, and almost having a panic attack in front of Will’s building sense of the word. But why quibble over semantics?
“And, I thought I’d, you know, come by. Sooo, what’s up?”
“Finals.”
“Which ones?”
Yes, he already knew which ones, but haven’t spoken since February. What else was he supposed to make small talk about?
“Spanish tomorrow. Calculus the day after that.”
“I bet you’ll do great. I’ve seen you in action, you could probably teach your Spanish class.”
It’s true. Will is brilliant, no one can deny that. But he’s also unbelievably focused. Even with something like Spanish which comes naturally to him, Finn knows he’s going sit there at his desk, flashcards and books at the ready and drill the knowledge so deep into his head it’ll be like a reflex when the time comes to take the test. He’d done it every other semester and he’d finally helped Finn learn to do the same. Will’s the reason Finn shocked his professors and managed B’s and even a couple A’s in all his classes. He wonders if Will would be proud if he told him.
“Yes, well, I still have lots to do and I’m very busy so if you could…”
Finn nods. So if you could get out, Will means. He can’t even pretend to be surprised at the less than enthusiastic reception. What had he expected? That this would be easy?
But Finn doesn’t leave, even when Will turns his back on him to bury his nose into his textbook again. He knows he should go, he knows that staying is only going to annoy Will when he’s in his focused tunnel vision ‘interrupt me and die’ mode, but he needs to say his piece.
“I just…Will, I’m really, really sorry about the party.”
Will’s back goes ramrod straight for a moment and then he appears to consciously force himself to relax.
“It’s not a big deal, Finn.”
Yes, it is a big deal. He wants to say. It’s a big deal because I can hear it in your voice and you’re not looking at me.
Nice guys do not take advantage of gorgeous, innocent, unobtainable best friends who haven’t ever been drunk before. Finn has always prided himself on being a nice guy and what he had done, or more accurately what he had convinced Will to do was inexcusable. Will had been drunk and drunk Will was apparently touchy-feely Will, which quickly turned into just straight up grope you Will, and Finn had been so horny and had the biggest crush ever and that was no excuse but…
Will hadn’t said no. But he’d been drunk. Finn had known he’d been drunk, Finn had known it when he kissed Will, known it when licked at his throat and tasted salt and lime and dude, body shots, where had he been when that was going on?-had known it when he put his hand on Will’s shoulder and guided him to his knees…
Finn shakes his head. No. It had been wrong of him and it had cost him everything he might have eventually had with Will, who sobered up the next day and was, according to reliable sources, absolutely appalled by his behavior. And Finn, when Finn woke up to the jackhammer in his brain and three inches of carpet on his tongue and remembered everything he’d done, appalled hadn’t even begun to describe how he felt. Which is why he hasn’t spoken to Will since February, which is why he stopped hanging out with their mutual friends, which is why he has started getting his meals when he knows Will will be in class so they won’t meet up in the cafeteria, which is why he has stopped saying hi when he does happen to run into Will, which is why he has been threatened repeatedly with physical violence from Puck, who as his oldest and dearest friend has declared he will not continue to enable this behavior any longer.
(“For fuck’s sake, man up, Hudson! God, it’s a wonder Schuester found anything worth going down on, you pathetic dickless bastard.”)
“Will…”
“What, Finn?” Will is finally looking at him, voice clipped and annoyed. Like it’s taking every ounce of self-control to keep his emotions in check.
“I really am sorry.” He finishes lamely. As if that matters now, even if Will does believe him, which he has every right not to.
“I don’t have time for this.” Will answers flatly. “I have finals.”
Finn nods dumbly. “Okay… Yeah, okay. Just, if there’s any way I can make it up to you… I swear I’m a nice guy, Will. I feel so fucking bad.”
“Whatever.”
“Will, please-”
“You’re not a nice guy.” Will ruthlessly cuts him off and actually glares at him now.
“I-”
“Did you like it?” He suddenly demands.
Finn hangs his head slightly and doesn’t answer. Because of course he liked it. He’d been a horny drunk twenty year old getting his dick sucked. And yes, while the fact it was Will made it a lot more meaningful, he probably wouldn’t have turned down a willing Attila the Hun that night, who by the way, Finn now knows is actually a guy because he aced his Western Civ final.
Judging from the way Will is trying to kill him with his eyes, Finn suspect this isn’t the time to share the good news of his academic success.
He finally nods, ashamed. “But not because…It’s not like I…”
“Is that the only reason you took me to the party in the first place? The only reason you hung out with me all this time?”
“What! No! No way!” The accusation stings, even though Finn understands where it comes from. “Of course not. I wouldn’t do that. I’m not that kind of guy.”
“Of course you wouldn’t. Because you’re a nice guy.” The way Will is staring at him has Finn feeling like a butterfly pinned to the wall. It’s making him start to sweat a little but he frantically nods anyway, ardently hoping this line of questioning is about to lead him to a viable exit strategy.
“Uhh…yeah. You can-you can ask anybody.”
“Should I really? Conduct an informal poll on whether Finn Hudson seems like the sort to encourage drunks to give him blowjobs?”
Will’s voice is cold and harsh and Finn flinches as if he’s just been slapped.
“Isn’t that an accurate description?”
“Yes, but-“
“Yes, but you never did anything like that before. Tell me, what made you decide that it would be a fantastic idea to get me drunk, use me for sex, and then ditch me the next day after you got what you wanted? Was it something about me?”
Dimly, Finn is aware that without his knowledge, he’s suddenly stumbled onto some very, very thin ice.
“Was it because I was somehow the exception to the rule? Did I just strike you as the sort who’d do something like that, so you just decided to go for it? Get a few beers into Schuester and I bet he’ll suck my cock.”
“That’s not what happened.”
And okay, technically it kind of is, but it shouldn’t sound like that.
“So, it had nothing to do with me. I was just convenient and available.”
“No…”
“Which is it Finn? Either I’m special enough to warrant this kind of behavior or you would have done this with anyone. You’re not allowed to have it both ways. There has to be some explanation since you’re such a nice guy and all. I certainly didn’t trip that night.”
In the long silence that follows, all Finn can hear is the ice cracking under his feet. He thought about fighting it, but then he figured, what the hell? What more did he have to lose?
“Okay, yes, the truth is you are different-but not like…not in that kind of way. Look, Will, I know taking advantage of you when you were drunk is like, the absolutely worst way in the history of the universe to show it, but I’m crazy about you. You’re smart and funny and sexy and really great and I understand if you hate me now because I kind of hate myself at present. What I did was stupid and wrong and just…just all kinds of sleazy and I want to hide under a rock ever time I think about it, but I do like you, I’ve always liked you, I liked you the moment I met you and-and I’m sorry. There. I’ll never talk to you again after this, but I just wanted to say all that before you go home.”
He turns to leave, but is stopped when Will grabs his arm.
“See, this is what makes you not a nice guy, Finn!” Will snaps, finally letting his anger go. “You claim you like me and yet you haven’t spoken to me in months! And now that you’ve apologized, now that you feel better, you get to leave without hearing what I have to say on the matter! Not only are you not a nice guy, but you’re also a fucking coward and an inconsiderate selfish asshole!”
“Will, I- thought-you--wait this is why you’re pissed at me? I thought-“
“Of course this is why I’m mad at you! What? Did you think I was feeling victimized about you robbing me of my innocence? I don’t care about that, you moron! If I hadn’t wanted to give you a blow job do you think I would have? I was drunk, not brain dead. It’s not as if I’ve never gone down on a guy before.”
Will is absolutely oblivious to Finn’s slack jawed shock at this revelation as he continues to furiously berate him.
“You’ve been acting as if I don’t exist for most of the semester! I gave you the stupid blow job because I thought we sort of had something and then you stopped talking to me! That is why I’m pissed! Because you used me! If you only wanted head that’s perfectly fine, but you should have said just said it at the time. But, don’t dare come to me now and claim you care about my feelings. I don’t need to hear it. “
“Will that’s not-“
“Wait, I’m sorry, that’s not doing you justice, is it, Finn? Because you think I’m special, because you’re crazy about me, because you’re the nice guy who could only make a move when intoxicated and then afterwards act as if I had the plague or something! I liked you, Finn! Possibly more than liked! I thought you liked me too and for the past four months you were perfectly willing to let me believe I’d wasted two years pining over a boy who’d get me drunk and then ditch me after getting what he wanted. Do you have any idea how stupid-and-and used I felt?”
No, Finn most certainly did not. And doesn’t he feel like crap right now. He thought he’d been doing the right thing. No, that’s not true and he knows it. He’d done the wrong thing and then compounded it by taking the easy way out. What kind of nice guy was he? What kind of friend was he? Waiting until the end of the school year to apologize, for his own benefit not Will’s, and with the full intention of going back to never speaking to him again afterwards. God, he was a total asshole.
“Will, I’m sorry. I should have talked to you sooner, but I thought you-.”
No. Not going to do that. That was more of the taking the easy way out. What he thought didn’t matter because he had never even attempted to ask.
“I’m sorry.”
“Well, big ups for you, Finn.”
“I want to make it up to you.”
At this, Will let’s out a snort.
“No, I’m-I mean it. I know I can’t make up for ignoring you for almost the whole semester, but I-I wish I could take it all back. I wish I could fix things.”
Will stares at him without responding and Finn decides to change tactics.
“What-tell me what I’d have to do. What would it take for me to make it up to you, for us to have a chance of going back to the way things were before?”
“Nothing either of us wants.”
At that nonanswer, Finn’s eyebrows go up.
“I’m serious, Will. Just tell me and I’ll do it. Please. I swear, I’m begging you, give me a chance to fix this. Just tell me how to apologize.”
“Would you?” Will takes a step towards him, voice sounding something akin to intrigued.
“Would I what?” Make it up to Will? Of course he would, in a heart beat.
“Beg. Would you beg, Finn?”
“I-I thought I was already.” Finn feels more than a little uncomfortable at this suggestion. Begging is one thing, acknowledging that he’s begging is quite another. Humiliating. But hadn’t Will felt humiliated when he thought he’d been used? Hasn’t he been feeling like that for months?
With that realization, Finn takes a deep breath and looks Will right in the eye. “Alright.”
Will licks his lips and smirks at him.
“You’ll beg for my forgiveness?”
“Uh, sure.” How bad could it be?
“Why don’t you beg in front of me? On your knees, Finn. How does that sound?”
Finn stares at him for a good thirty seconds because how that sounds is like the start of some of his more colorful dreams and he’s not sure if that’s how it’s supposed to sound. He tries to swallow, throat suddenly dry.
“Why don’t…why don’t you sit on the bed in front of me while I beg?”
And if he’s wrong, this would be the point where Will yells at him to get out, or punches him, or laughs in his face, but instead Will locks the door to his room and goes to sit on the bed as requested.
Legs spread.
Finn almost falls over.
Okay that is-this is hot, like really, really hot, but wait…there’s something-
“Is this, is this all you want from me?”
“Isn’t this what you wanted from me? Won’t this make things all better? Make them nice and fair?”
Yeah, even-steven. But this isn’t what Finn actually wants, not really or at least not like this. But he probably should have thought of that a long time ago. Probably should have worked up the nerve to ask Will for a date instead of a blow job.
“Is this going to fix things?”
Will shrugs expansively as if the answer doesn’t particularly concern him.
“Either it will and we’ll both be happy or it won’t and at least I’ll be happy.”
“So, where does that leave me?”
“I think what I said was on the floor in front of me.”
Finn is slightly in shock, can’t believe this is Will talking to him, had always thought the other boy was so naïve.
Will clearly guesses what’s going through Finn’s mind because he flashes a smile that’s all teeth.
“I’m not the one who’s staked his reputation on being a nice guy.”
Finn is honestly tempted to pinch himself and make sure he hasn’t fallen asleep in class or something because he never would have guessed in a million years that Will was capable of…
‘Of what? Asking for what he wants instead of hiding behind excuses? At least Will had the guts to be upfront about it. Better than you managed.’
Course, Will had always been better than he deserved, hadn’t he?
Which kind of makes this fitting, doesn’t it? That he should finally get what he always wanted in the exactly wrong way possible.
So, with that thought, Finn takes a deep fortifying breath and walks over and kneels in front of Will. The bed’s low enough that this is probably going to be less than comfortable on his knees and back, but somehow that seems fitting too. He takes a moment trying to figure out where exactly to start and then decides to just go for it. The sound of Will’s fly being unzipped sounds almost absurdly loud to Finn’s ears and he has to take a few deep calming breaths before he’s able to actually tug Will’s pants down and off his legs.
PART TWO.