(no subject)
So it appears that I am making people paranoid that I am unhappy and that I am living in the future/past too much. I am sorry for giving that impression. I am actually quite content as to where I am right now, but I would like to be a bit more than content. I am a bit over-it. I am done with Elon, because I am in need of a change and chance for something new and different. A chance that I have to take in order to prove that I can make it on my own in more ways than I am doing right now. But you should know, I don't hate life right now. There are definitely times that I am not thrilled - but we all have bad days, right? I do look forward to Chicago because I am so stoked at this new beginning, this change, this chance, this challenge. This new chance to become a little less awkward and not to fall into the same pits I have tended to fall into. I just sometimes get caught up in the same old same old and that isn't healthy for me.
So thanks for the memories, but I am looking forward to new futures of different paths (i.e. I am attempting to not surround myself with only gay men like I have fallen victim of here). I am looking forward to grad school and my classes and getting into doing the things that really motivate me to get out of bed. And I am not really obsessed with you quite the way you think. I give you crap and that isn't fair to you because you are alright (as a friend and maybe as more for someone else, just not me). I realize that it isn't going to work, but I hang on to you because you are here. Because it is easier. I am settling. I won't be settling once I move away and find other people to occupy my time with. Keep your fingers crossed that I am able to change a couple of stones over and grow some more balls.
Steve Wagner called today. That sorta made my day. Half hour of talking to this kid makes me very happy until I realize that I must end the conversation in order to get back to my grown up life.
So thanks for the memories, but I am looking forward to new futures of different paths (i.e. I am attempting to not surround myself with only gay men like I have fallen victim of here). I am looking forward to grad school and my classes and getting into doing the things that really motivate me to get out of bed. And I am not really obsessed with you quite the way you think. I give you crap and that isn't fair to you because you are alright (as a friend and maybe as more for someone else, just not me). I realize that it isn't going to work, but I hang on to you because you are here. Because it is easier. I am settling. I won't be settling once I move away and find other people to occupy my time with. Keep your fingers crossed that I am able to change a couple of stones over and grow some more balls.
Steve Wagner called today. That sorta made my day. Half hour of talking to this kid makes me very happy until I realize that I must end the conversation in order to get back to my grown up life.