(no subject)
long time no write...well actually not much has changed just time has passed. rebecca lee likes adam. and tomorrow at henrys surprise party apparently people are going to try to set them up. and i cant be angry b/c she never knew i liked him. so i know tomorrow is going to suck alot b/c i have to deal w/ the stress of jake and the stress of them possibly dancing/flirting. and now adam is off limits adn it sucks. Jake officially ruined my life. And then ive been thinking about him alot lately b/c i miss him and miss being like really happy b/c he made me happy. Idk. and then seeing him is always is rough no matter how much i pretend like im big bad and confident about it. Once i see him every insecurity i have and every flaw i have begins to shine and i realize how much i hate/love him all at once. Its weird. and then bryan is in flordia which means i cant even talk to my best friend about this and i could really use his advice. and i cant talk to courtney b/c we havent been as close any more and idk it would just be weird. dont get me started on her. she can be nice when she wants to be. its like i go from being her number one friend on myspace to like second to last in the second to last row. w/e. i cant wait till i graduate and go to college and met cute boys who are mature and real. i have to go to prom w/ anthony. it sucks for me. i like him as a friend but nothing more. we went to see music and lyrics. and he put his arm around me for like point two seconds and it was weird and awkward and not comfortable. altho i did get free popcorn. interuption from gary to look at video game info...haha. wow. k so today i looked at prom sites for senior year. leaning towards aquaturf. its amazing. and pretty. and the outside holy wow could def see rh there. i love being class pres. hope to be elected next year. still hate sarah b. not ashamed to say it. shes a birch. i really want to go to weselyan i think for college. im not sure tho. so back to adam. im really angry that he led me on this fall. like wtf. he did. why would u flirt w/ someone and mean nothing by it like wtf. gah. ihope he doesnt do that w/ rebecca lee. and its weird that she likes him. and i want to be supportive that hey maybe she finds a good relationship and she will start making good decisoins. i hope she doenst turn adam bad. and i mean adam has never done anything w/ a girl. so she would be the first. that is weird. ah stop thinking about it. its hard cause i dotn want to think about it but its all i can relaly think about. i neeeeeed a new boy. like there is no one i want. there is a bunch of people other people want me to date. like mark wnats me to date freddy. my whole family wants me to date anthony. i want to date... noone. there is absolutley no boy who fits my needs i want a bad ass u know like a hard core musician skaterboy who i can mess around w/ for the next two years and then when i go to college i will alwasy love but never actually be w/. i just want someone to fill the gap. let me have someone fun and interesting to spend my time w/ but nothing serious. nothing where i will be all caught up in it and feeling sad and bad about myself. only positive shit. im sick of doubting myself. i read some poems i wrote about adam and its pasthetic. im pathetic. i love his bro brendan too bad he is a freshy. hes like the little brother i never kenw. love it. i miss bryan he needs to come back asap. i can jsut feel drama tomorrow night no matter wat. at least i get to dance the night away love djs. i have to work both days yay for money boo for barbara wat a bitch. haha its k tho im used to it. and i need another job to help pay off the car for my mom. holy i feel stressed. altho this week of vaca was fabulous. i relaxed and chilled and slept late. love it. prom is stressful like the toast. hmm i have issues. hahaha wow. i guess thats about it. oh i read cupcakes and loved it. i love rachel cohn holy amazing writer and her books inspire me to fuck life and do wat i want. fid a hot surfer boy become a barista and fuck the world . ahahhah hmm thats it for now lovelys ill update u on the party and all the drama which i know it will entail..stressed<333ali