life
well i guess i should begin with the fact that im still dating jake..but there is someone else at school named jesse. jesse really began at the leadership conference in hershey where we danced all night and kissed later that night..even tho alcohol was involved. and then ever since then there has been us hooking up and him acting like my bf. even tho i know he doesnt want a gf. and then its like really confusing w/ jake b/c we talked about breaking up in the fall b/c hes going to be busy w/ band and ill be in ny. and its complicated. i mean the breakup is mutual. its hard tho b/c we have been together for so long. but lately ive been so distant from him. and then tonight i was really trying to be there for him and into him and he got a stomach ache after the concert when we went to taco bell and left early. i mean he was fine on the car ride down but still. everything w/ him is so dramaful. and of course jesse is texting me while im in the car w/ jake just about life and stuff. jesse is teh type of guy i would marry. hes going to be successful altho i knoow hes not that into me. i can just tell. i know he likes me but im sure if something better comes along ill be road kill. so its hard b/c i have my guard up in everywhich direction. b/c w/ jake its like id ont want to get too close b/c we are going to end things soon. and w/ jesse i knwo he doesnt want a gf so i dont want to get too attached. its like i just want to be happy. and being single scares me sooooo much. b/c i havent been single in forever. but i know its not that great. but i think at college i need to be. its only fair to me and to jake. its weird b/c when im away all of my feelings for jake disappeared. but now they are starting to come back after seing him. idk i think everythign will eventually work out. next week is prom, saturday im going to boston. i hope all stays well. life is at a crossroads right now and its hard. i dont know if i should be happy or sad or upset. well for now peace out ill prob write sooner than later