Forgetting the Guy + The Belly Saga: Part 3
He is in 3 of my lectures. WHAT THE FUCK??? I was kind of hoping the modules I chose would (not why I chose them though!) mean I would virtually never see him again!! Well, guess that's what happens if you get involved with someone on your course, so I had this coming all along.
I hate him. So much. After his betrayal and lies and bullshit and using, I channeled my hatred into one of the best songs I've ever written, named after said boy. Things were great. I treated him (and still do) like he doesn't exist, and if he ever did speak to me (which would be to try and feed me bullshit like "Sorry I haven't been speaking to you, I've been busy". Yeah... so busy you can't send a single message saying 'watch this space'? Totally. I'm doing the bulk of my modules this term and I have the time to even go all the way across town and VISIT Ollie, who actually treats me with decency. Seriously men, try and be a LITTLE more creative with your excuses. It's not that hard!), I'd just think about that name and shame song I'd sing at our gigs, but over time I just got bored of the song. I like it, but I wrote a better one about something unrelated, and then another about my other ex who I really do hate with a passion. But then came the summer and I put said boy out of my mind, and expected to not give a fuck when I came back here. Well, for some reason all the memories came back. I started to regret getting rid of all the pictures and videos I'd taken of the fun times, and now I just feel like steaming shitbiscuits.
It's getting easier the more I remember what a prick he is, but can't move on from it all because I know I'll never find anyone better. My therapy, for now, is another song about how I feel now. This one will probably end up being my best yet - not in my style of singing about details very specific to my situation, or using names, or even genders, so it will be more relateable to some people who hear it. I want it to be good though.I don't want to write a song just so that people like it when they hear it. My music is about expressing my feelings in a creative way, and often just about having a laugh. Hopefully when the song's done, I'll feel less of this shitty feeling that I feel now when I think about him. That is, if I find the time to sit down for ages and finish it.
Since I've been back in halls I've lost so much weight. I don't know if it's because I'm drinking so much water, or because I drink less milk, or just because I have total control of what goes in the fridge (and therefore, my mouth), but I'm fast reaching my goal, which always was to look good in all the nice clothes I have that I haven't been able to wear for so long. It's still early days, because I still only look super slim when I clench my stomach (which is habit now), but for now, that gives me the confidence to get back into all those super tight T-shirts and keep going. Also I just want to FEEL healthy. Having the same cold since fresher's week makes me think my immune system might not be too great, and I have only my diet to blame. I'm in the process of eating at least one kind of fruit a day, and I actually cooked with vegetables this week! :O For me, success is if my acne scars clear up a little more. The prescription gel has worked wonders but it doesn't quite get rid of the scars.
I hate him. So much. After his betrayal and lies and bullshit and using, I channeled my hatred into one of the best songs I've ever written, named after said boy. Things were great. I treated him (and still do) like he doesn't exist, and if he ever did speak to me (which would be to try and feed me bullshit like "Sorry I haven't been speaking to you, I've been busy". Yeah... so busy you can't send a single message saying 'watch this space'? Totally. I'm doing the bulk of my modules this term and I have the time to even go all the way across town and VISIT Ollie, who actually treats me with decency. Seriously men, try and be a LITTLE more creative with your excuses. It's not that hard!), I'd just think about that name and shame song I'd sing at our gigs, but over time I just got bored of the song. I like it, but I wrote a better one about something unrelated, and then another about my other ex who I really do hate with a passion. But then came the summer and I put said boy out of my mind, and expected to not give a fuck when I came back here. Well, for some reason all the memories came back. I started to regret getting rid of all the pictures and videos I'd taken of the fun times, and now I just feel like steaming shitbiscuits.
It's getting easier the more I remember what a prick he is, but can't move on from it all because I know I'll never find anyone better. My therapy, for now, is another song about how I feel now. This one will probably end up being my best yet - not in my style of singing about details very specific to my situation, or using names, or even genders, so it will be more relateable to some people who hear it. I want it to be good though.I don't want to write a song just so that people like it when they hear it. My music is about expressing my feelings in a creative way, and often just about having a laugh. Hopefully when the song's done, I'll feel less of this shitty feeling that I feel now when I think about him. That is, if I find the time to sit down for ages and finish it.
Since I've been back in halls I've lost so much weight. I don't know if it's because I'm drinking so much water, or because I drink less milk, or just because I have total control of what goes in the fridge (and therefore, my mouth), but I'm fast reaching my goal, which always was to look good in all the nice clothes I have that I haven't been able to wear for so long. It's still early days, because I still only look super slim when I clench my stomach (which is habit now), but for now, that gives me the confidence to get back into all those super tight T-shirts and keep going. Also I just want to FEEL healthy. Having the same cold since fresher's week makes me think my immune system might not be too great, and I have only my diet to blame. I'm in the process of eating at least one kind of fruit a day, and I actually cooked with vegetables this week! :O For me, success is if my acne scars clear up a little more. The prescription gel has worked wonders but it doesn't quite get rid of the scars.