From grand theft auto to graduation.
Hi, sorry, i havn't posted in a while. Things have been crazy.
I'll start with the crazy three days and the event that made me remember, the crazy 3 days.
day one consisted of drinking all night. climbing fences to drink and party in a park, so illegal... I know! Kalie from high school came, and my cousin was there as well. By the end of the night, i think i was chased by cops 3 time? Something like that. It felt good to not care even if just for a night.
day two consisted of some douche asking me out to go avalon. I really didn't want to go, but i was trying to cute, and said something like, well i'd go just because i'd be with you. And one of the stipulations was that I'd be getting in for free. I'm really cash low lately, but who isn't? Well i guess the get in free card only applied if you were over 21. So he asked me to try to spange to get money to get it. I ended up with the keys in my hands to his car and was told to wait in the car... Oh i waited alright....two seconds before i flew back home to long beach. I texted the mother fucker and was like, Hey, i found better parking... In front of my house in long beach. I don't get stood up once, twice, even three times. I'm psychotic, i get that. I left his key under his tire and texted him where it was. Fell asleep, then at around 4 am, after the club had finished....i heard the loud yelling of some asshole cop who woke up my entire neighborhood trying to find me. So finally he comes to my doorstep and tells me i committed grand theft auto and to come with him. I go outside and the windows in the car were all rolled down, and i was being accused of stealing all the items in the car. Which i had no personal taste for, but this stupidass took all the valuable things and put them in his friends' car, then told the police man that I had the stolen property. I asked the officer to let me explain my side of the story, and I was absolutely honest and he told me to go back inside the house. I was off the hook. All my neighbors stood outside near their windows looking at me as if I was lindsey lohan coming home from the crack house. I called dillon right when i got home. I told him if it was me and you, we would of found something else to do. I wouldn't have been left. And he told me i was right, we would of went somewhere else. He teased me that I should have of taken the stolen car to pick him up, but that crazy venture was stopped before it started bc he's always left with matthew. I talked to him that night too. Matthew, dillon's nephew a year or so. His phone went off bc his battery died, and i fell asleep so good that night.
The day three night was so crazy at this point i have forgotten.
I got a new job guys... I'm a production assistant for independent films. The company i work for makes non profits movies about like social services and sstuff. IT's pretty cool, because you know i've always wanted to be like anne hathaway. My boss, Wanyee, is a 40 something albino black man. Very intelligent, but also a big part of him is a kid. It's hard sometimes to be around someone who really doesn't people, when me--you all know me, smiley and optimistic. He treats me pretty bad for the most part, and there has been times when i've messed up on something and came to him to help me fix it, only to worsen the problem more. He knows what i've been going through. Losing my parents and all. Oh, after that dillon bike ride i guess my sister ratted out some stuff to my mom that she had saw on my myspace and such... Except for the fact that I talk to dillon not very often and you can describe our relationship as I'm around # 7 in about everything. So there is nothing to show for the reason that my parents have excommunicated me, and anything that is wrong and i go talk to her, she tells me to talk to my gay hudson friend. Except mom, he's not gay, except mom, i will always love him. I really would like to fast forward my life to a couple of years. I think that'd be nice. Hopefully the things that cloud my head clouded my head for a reason, and the decisions i've made somehow maybe one day i'll just be a little bit complete and not broken. Sometimes i feel like i'm walking around with a big hole in the middle of my chest. And when i hear a crystal castles song, or let my mind wander, sometimes i just fall apart. God, forgive me. He says all my friends hate him because I talk shit to him. Except, i don't. I don't ever talk shit on him. I basically let go of my best friend for calling me out on our dysfunctional relationship. I don't talk shit, i just.... i don't see what they see. I see the most beautiful boy i have ever met, i have ever kissed, i have ever touched, i have come to know. There is something i see in you, and it might kill me, but i want it to be true.
I finished a movie last friday. Called @ 4:30. I got to play this actor/social services agent named Ben. I found out i was playing him about 15 minutes before the scene with him that was about to film, with the scene being his biggest monologue and breakdown. I can't wait to see the result. I called damaris and started my monologue and she felt so sad. Until i told her that i got a part in the movie and that was my monologue. then she got it. I'm doing the ad'ing for the next movie, Major Chords. Got in contact with an old friend, and we have auditions this friday.
Jenna came home. It was so good to see her. I got her the bridget Jones's diary, and ar eally cool high school musical alarm clock. She got me a hairspray fan book, a metal grinder from spain, and a moulin rouge photo. Pretty neat. We spent the night walking around my thoughtful spot and talking about all the things not fair and all the beautiful things we had encountered being away from each other. This morning though i've sensed a weird vibe from her that i've never felt before and now i'm a little weary. I don't know what i'd do with out someone like her. i don't want to lose her.
The night was beautifully intermixed with demi lovato ballads, the wombats dance to joy division and brand new. Came home to find a party, and brought jenna in to meet my neighbors. Smoked, and drank a spiked energy drink. Felt good just to not think about how much love hurts. basically everyone who i've ever loved is making me feel at this moment that it hurts too much to love them. My dad told me i'm the only guy that you can ever love. You can't love him or any-other boy and me. I will let you go.
So i'm a mess. I guess i never really saw how depressed i've been since i've turned 20. I just stop and think to myself.... what if... what if i had never met you? What if mom, you had left dad to be with the other guy you were fucking when you found out you were pregnant with me? What if dillon, i had never of received that text that said, i think i want to fuck, i think i'm going to, i'm out now. What if, you'd of never spent my birthday with me, valentines, the bike ride? Where would i be? Being out of dark waters? What if jenna i had of never kept in contact with you? We were never super friends in high school, as we are now...
"Sometimes i feel like i'm behind enemy lines....even though i'm surrounded by familiar faces." okay, homo.
I'm tired of being #7, i'm tired of only getting texts someone wants something, i'm tired of all of a sudden all these people trying to be my friend because i'm doing something that they wish they could be doing. I'm tired of trying to change myself so much just so i could liked and wanted, i'm tired of loving so much that it hurts and i lose myself, i'm tired of feeling so connected to these super depressing love ballads of life, and that every-time i turn there's someone who wants to fall in love with me.
I'm gonna focus on myself for a while. Reason... I'm leaving soon. Real soon. I made a connect who after 3 shows, in the new season of a travel show for discovery kids, i'll be the guy who is assistant director, flying around the world and country. I can't take you with me, it's something i have to do on my own. Maybe me being far away will let you realize that i'm in love with you.
And to end this post: I hate crypticness.
I'll start with the crazy three days and the event that made me remember, the crazy 3 days.
day one consisted of drinking all night. climbing fences to drink and party in a park, so illegal... I know! Kalie from high school came, and my cousin was there as well. By the end of the night, i think i was chased by cops 3 time? Something like that. It felt good to not care even if just for a night.
day two consisted of some douche asking me out to go avalon. I really didn't want to go, but i was trying to cute, and said something like, well i'd go just because i'd be with you. And one of the stipulations was that I'd be getting in for free. I'm really cash low lately, but who isn't? Well i guess the get in free card only applied if you were over 21. So he asked me to try to spange to get money to get it. I ended up with the keys in my hands to his car and was told to wait in the car... Oh i waited alright....two seconds before i flew back home to long beach. I texted the mother fucker and was like, Hey, i found better parking... In front of my house in long beach. I don't get stood up once, twice, even three times. I'm psychotic, i get that. I left his key under his tire and texted him where it was. Fell asleep, then at around 4 am, after the club had finished....i heard the loud yelling of some asshole cop who woke up my entire neighborhood trying to find me. So finally he comes to my doorstep and tells me i committed grand theft auto and to come with him. I go outside and the windows in the car were all rolled down, and i was being accused of stealing all the items in the car. Which i had no personal taste for, but this stupidass took all the valuable things and put them in his friends' car, then told the police man that I had the stolen property. I asked the officer to let me explain my side of the story, and I was absolutely honest and he told me to go back inside the house. I was off the hook. All my neighbors stood outside near their windows looking at me as if I was lindsey lohan coming home from the crack house. I called dillon right when i got home. I told him if it was me and you, we would of found something else to do. I wouldn't have been left. And he told me i was right, we would of went somewhere else. He teased me that I should have of taken the stolen car to pick him up, but that crazy venture was stopped before it started bc he's always left with matthew. I talked to him that night too. Matthew, dillon's nephew a year or so. His phone went off bc his battery died, and i fell asleep so good that night.
The day three night was so crazy at this point i have forgotten.
I got a new job guys... I'm a production assistant for independent films. The company i work for makes non profits movies about like social services and sstuff. IT's pretty cool, because you know i've always wanted to be like anne hathaway. My boss, Wanyee, is a 40 something albino black man. Very intelligent, but also a big part of him is a kid. It's hard sometimes to be around someone who really doesn't people, when me--you all know me, smiley and optimistic. He treats me pretty bad for the most part, and there has been times when i've messed up on something and came to him to help me fix it, only to worsen the problem more. He knows what i've been going through. Losing my parents and all. Oh, after that dillon bike ride i guess my sister ratted out some stuff to my mom that she had saw on my myspace and such... Except for the fact that I talk to dillon not very often and you can describe our relationship as I'm around # 7 in about everything. So there is nothing to show for the reason that my parents have excommunicated me, and anything that is wrong and i go talk to her, she tells me to talk to my gay hudson friend. Except mom, he's not gay, except mom, i will always love him. I really would like to fast forward my life to a couple of years. I think that'd be nice. Hopefully the things that cloud my head clouded my head for a reason, and the decisions i've made somehow maybe one day i'll just be a little bit complete and not broken. Sometimes i feel like i'm walking around with a big hole in the middle of my chest. And when i hear a crystal castles song, or let my mind wander, sometimes i just fall apart. God, forgive me. He says all my friends hate him because I talk shit to him. Except, i don't. I don't ever talk shit on him. I basically let go of my best friend for calling me out on our dysfunctional relationship. I don't talk shit, i just.... i don't see what they see. I see the most beautiful boy i have ever met, i have ever kissed, i have ever touched, i have come to know. There is something i see in you, and it might kill me, but i want it to be true.
I finished a movie last friday. Called @ 4:30. I got to play this actor/social services agent named Ben. I found out i was playing him about 15 minutes before the scene with him that was about to film, with the scene being his biggest monologue and breakdown. I can't wait to see the result. I called damaris and started my monologue and she felt so sad. Until i told her that i got a part in the movie and that was my monologue. then she got it. I'm doing the ad'ing for the next movie, Major Chords. Got in contact with an old friend, and we have auditions this friday.
Jenna came home. It was so good to see her. I got her the bridget Jones's diary, and ar eally cool high school musical alarm clock. She got me a hairspray fan book, a metal grinder from spain, and a moulin rouge photo. Pretty neat. We spent the night walking around my thoughtful spot and talking about all the things not fair and all the beautiful things we had encountered being away from each other. This morning though i've sensed a weird vibe from her that i've never felt before and now i'm a little weary. I don't know what i'd do with out someone like her. i don't want to lose her.
The night was beautifully intermixed with demi lovato ballads, the wombats dance to joy division and brand new. Came home to find a party, and brought jenna in to meet my neighbors. Smoked, and drank a spiked energy drink. Felt good just to not think about how much love hurts. basically everyone who i've ever loved is making me feel at this moment that it hurts too much to love them. My dad told me i'm the only guy that you can ever love. You can't love him or any-other boy and me. I will let you go.
So i'm a mess. I guess i never really saw how depressed i've been since i've turned 20. I just stop and think to myself.... what if... what if i had never met you? What if mom, you had left dad to be with the other guy you were fucking when you found out you were pregnant with me? What if dillon, i had never of received that text that said, i think i want to fuck, i think i'm going to, i'm out now. What if, you'd of never spent my birthday with me, valentines, the bike ride? Where would i be? Being out of dark waters? What if jenna i had of never kept in contact with you? We were never super friends in high school, as we are now...
"Sometimes i feel like i'm behind enemy lines....even though i'm surrounded by familiar faces." okay, homo.
I'm tired of being #7, i'm tired of only getting texts someone wants something, i'm tired of all of a sudden all these people trying to be my friend because i'm doing something that they wish they could be doing. I'm tired of trying to change myself so much just so i could liked and wanted, i'm tired of loving so much that it hurts and i lose myself, i'm tired of feeling so connected to these super depressing love ballads of life, and that every-time i turn there's someone who wants to fall in love with me.
I'm gonna focus on myself for a while. Reason... I'm leaving soon. Real soon. I made a connect who after 3 shows, in the new season of a travel show for discovery kids, i'll be the guy who is assistant director, flying around the world and country. I can't take you with me, it's something i have to do on my own. Maybe me being far away will let you realize that i'm in love with you.
And to end this post: I hate crypticness.