God, i really need to update this more often.
I right now at this very moment have a million things going through my head right now. My life is pretty stand-still, minus the occasional Get out of House moment with friends and maybe a cousin. I just ran across this picture of d and it's kinda driving me crazy, but i guess i'll start from where i left off, which was that letter and the notion i'd never talk to him again.
So after that, i was assuming that i'd never talk to him again. I was asleep, and i woke up with a missed call from him very very late. I hope everything is alright is all i could think to myself. I called him and got voicemail, and left a message, hey what's up it's me. give me a call back, i was sleeping, but i'll be up. He never called back, but i got a mass sent picture message with him and long hair...The first time i've seen him since he left for texas. The mirror shots were kind of high school, but nothing like that matters in my mental processing. Anyways, so i call him back one day and we talk for 40 minutes. And then i called him a couple days later and we talked for 30 minutes.... again like nothing happened. All i wanted to ask was...what are you doing to me? So that's where I am. I called him last night and he told me he'd call me tomorrow, but we'll see. And if tomorrow meant day after tomorrow since last night was basically today. See? I'm no good at this.
Last night my cousin and his friend came over. We met Yazmin, my friend Damaris's sister, and hopped over a fence to smoke and drink in the park that was closed. Kalie came with us, and when we were low on trees, we saw a good friend and it was a surprise but so good to have the high school gang together again, after i kindof thought that wouldn't happen again in any other situation. kalie was fun, we went over to my friends house, and now i'm kinda sketched out because his DS is missing, and that's one of the only reasons i'd go over there for. I miss i miss dillon and this she&him/city&colour/regina spektor ISN'T helping, but i have a bottle of jack and a couple more bowls to smoke and i think that is the worst option especially because i am drug free in front of dillon.
Oh, my mom is cheating on my dad, and she read all the saved text messages that i uncharacteristically saved that were sent by d, so she basically knows who he is bc i've known him and his family for forever and she cried and every day she calls me to tell me not to give into the apple offered by the snake, that my life is a fantasy and has been for a long long time and i need to grow up this, need to grow up that. It's just now i'm facing all these consequences for every decision i've ever intentionally or not made. at least we are talking.....
So after that, i was assuming that i'd never talk to him again. I was asleep, and i woke up with a missed call from him very very late. I hope everything is alright is all i could think to myself. I called him and got voicemail, and left a message, hey what's up it's me. give me a call back, i was sleeping, but i'll be up. He never called back, but i got a mass sent picture message with him and long hair...The first time i've seen him since he left for texas. The mirror shots were kind of high school, but nothing like that matters in my mental processing. Anyways, so i call him back one day and we talk for 40 minutes. And then i called him a couple days later and we talked for 30 minutes.... again like nothing happened. All i wanted to ask was...what are you doing to me? So that's where I am. I called him last night and he told me he'd call me tomorrow, but we'll see. And if tomorrow meant day after tomorrow since last night was basically today. See? I'm no good at this.
Last night my cousin and his friend came over. We met Yazmin, my friend Damaris's sister, and hopped over a fence to smoke and drink in the park that was closed. Kalie came with us, and when we were low on trees, we saw a good friend and it was a surprise but so good to have the high school gang together again, after i kindof thought that wouldn't happen again in any other situation. kalie was fun, we went over to my friends house, and now i'm kinda sketched out because his DS is missing, and that's one of the only reasons i'd go over there for. I miss i miss dillon and this she&him/city&colour/regina spektor ISN'T helping, but i have a bottle of jack and a couple more bowls to smoke and i think that is the worst option especially because i am drug free in front of dillon.
Oh, my mom is cheating on my dad, and she read all the saved text messages that i uncharacteristically saved that were sent by d, so she basically knows who he is bc i've known him and his family for forever and she cried and every day she calls me to tell me not to give into the apple offered by the snake, that my life is a fantasy and has been for a long long time and i need to grow up this, need to grow up that. It's just now i'm facing all these consequences for every decision i've ever intentionally or not made. at least we are talking.....