(no subject)
it's funny how quickly your eyes can become unclouded
i took all the blame. all of it. it was never fully mine to take
our relationship spiraled downwards after she cheated on me .. lied about it for a month or so, and then left me to try things out with him. she convieniently forgot about this ... and i guess never realized the reason i became distant was the result of all of this and her refusal to let me back in after we got back together
her brothers disapproval was not earned until i lost my inhibitions and kissed emmie that drunken night.
she's not the girl i loved anymore. i hope one day she to is reborn. the relationship's end turned us both into ugly ignorant people.
at least i can say i've learned something from the experience and i hope she has as well.
i hope she's alright. i hope one day she'll talk to me again. but this time it's my turn to say .... I deserve better than this. i was the one treated like shit the past few months. she's already "getting it on" with new guys ... maybe that'll show her the mistake she made.
on a happier note ... i've been working out again ... i'm caught up on bills. my credit's shot for the next couple years but i'm confident that after that it'll be fine.
i'm headed to dinner with my mother and sister tomorrow ... i feel as if all previous conflict with my mother is resolved. it's weird. as much as i hated fighting with her ... it used to be such a constant. i really like this ... but it's strange
for the first time in my life i feel free. ... i feel strong ... i feel worthy of someone's love and affection.
i love. i live. i am reborn.
i took all the blame. all of it. it was never fully mine to take
our relationship spiraled downwards after she cheated on me .. lied about it for a month or so, and then left me to try things out with him. she convieniently forgot about this ... and i guess never realized the reason i became distant was the result of all of this and her refusal to let me back in after we got back together
her brothers disapproval was not earned until i lost my inhibitions and kissed emmie that drunken night.
she's not the girl i loved anymore. i hope one day she to is reborn. the relationship's end turned us both into ugly ignorant people.
at least i can say i've learned something from the experience and i hope she has as well.
i hope she's alright. i hope one day she'll talk to me again. but this time it's my turn to say .... I deserve better than this. i was the one treated like shit the past few months. she's already "getting it on" with new guys ... maybe that'll show her the mistake she made.
on a happier note ... i've been working out again ... i'm caught up on bills. my credit's shot for the next couple years but i'm confident that after that it'll be fine.
i'm headed to dinner with my mother and sister tomorrow ... i feel as if all previous conflict with my mother is resolved. it's weird. as much as i hated fighting with her ... it used to be such a constant. i really like this ... but it's strange
for the first time in my life i feel free. ... i feel strong ... i feel worthy of someone's love and affection.
i love. i live. i am reborn.