Always - 02 - My Heart in Your Hand
(Warning: maybe slightly NSFW)
ALWAYS
2- My Heart In Your Hand
"You came right on time." Lazlo said, greeting Nervous as he walked down the stairs.
The Curious brothers never have much visitors, even less the kind of unexpected guest who wouldn't knock before entering, but since the first day the young skinny boy had walked down the living stairs and stepped in the house, unannounced, looking for Pascal, Lazlo and Vidcund had quickly become used to his presence.
Pascal had always been a loving and caring sibling and they didn't doubt he would be even a better father. He was also a respected scientist, a talented writer, and a reliable friend, but had never established a serious connection with anyone romantically. He seemed much comfortable with one-night stands and random uncommitted relationships that never last more than a few dates.
But they could see their older brother cared for the boy more than he had ever cared for anyone else outside their family, and even hoped Nervous would be the one saving his brother from growing old alone, while they watched their relationship straightening as the boy reached his adulthood and Pascal's pregnancy progressed, but wasn't long before they would see otherwise.
"I can't give him what he really wants." Pascal had responded frustrated, the time his bothers dared to asked about his relations with Nervous directly.
"He wants love and a family, Pascal!" Vidcund had replied.
"And look at you..." Lazlo had added gesturing at Pascal, who was by then notoriously pregnant. He didn't try to hide a slightly frustrated tone on his voice, but the supporting and encouraging smile was sincere.
They knew Pascal loved Nervous and, as time had gone by, the brothers had seen the boy growing up too. He was still perhaps slightly young, but they didn't doubt we would be a marvelous, responsible parent and a caring, faithful partner.
"He wants to get married and be a housewife!" Pascal responded exasperated "And I don't even want a boyfriend, not like he wants anyways." He had added, seeing his brothers incredulous look.
They didn't insist on the matter, and, though they couldn't agree with their older sibling's decision, they tried to understand his reasons and accepted Pascal's relationship with the boy for what it was, and not for what it would never be.
"How is he?" The young man asked hesitantly.
"Go check yourself" Lazlo pointed towards Pascal's room smiling.
Nervous noted Lazlo looked tired, but happy, and walked excited through the narrow hallways. Vidcund was going out of Pascal's room at that moment. He looked tired too, but relieved, and gave Nervous an approving smile.
"He thought you'd come." He said moving out of the way and heading to his bedroom.
Nervous walked in cautiously, and saw Pascal holding a greened skin baby.
"It's a girl." Pascal looked pale and tired, but smiled in a way Nervous had never seen before.
He stepped closer, nodding shyly.
"You knew it would be today." Pascal looked back at him grinning widely. Nervous only smiled timidly and turned his attention to the baby.
After meeting Nervous, Pascal had soon noticed the boy's uncommon assertiveness and perception about certain events. It wasn't unusual to see him wondering around houses with new born babies or elders close to their deaths. Some said he was gifted, others called him cursed, but either way Nervous always felt very uncomfortable when his many peculiarities were mentioned and Pascal respected him.
"Her name is Kally." Pascal said casually to change the topic.
"She's perfect." Nervous replied, with his sight fixed on the little girl.
Pascal grinned wider. Not many people would considerer a green baby to be perfect. Not even in a town were green skinned sims could be seen in the streets every day.
"Do you wanna hold her?" Pascal asked and handed the baby to his friend.
Nervous held the little girl carefully, trembling slightly at first.
Pascal stood up instinctively, but it was easy to see that Nervous was a natural with children. The baby seemed comfortable and secure on his arms.
He looked at Nervous thoughtful.
Since the day they met, that afternoon in the town's park, Nervous had quickly become a constant in his life.
At first, the boy started frequenting the Curious household as Pascal helped him get in contact with his mother, and though he tried to maintain his distance, the young boy had quickly conquered the adult man's heart with his deceptive innocence and mysterious story.
He could seem naive to everyone's eyes, but he understood life and death better that anyone else did; he could look vulnerable, but had survived through all kind of mental and physical abuse; and he could be shy and awkward socially, but he was surprisingly daring when it was just the two of them, and only became bolder as hew grew older.
Pascal couldn't deny, or hide, his attraction for the young man, and many times found himself falling for it beyond prudent limits, but above all, he knew Nervous wanted a committed relationship with an stable partner, and Pascal would never give him either of them.
He had never considered the idea of marriage or a traditional family in any sense of the term. Not even overwhelmed by the stream of emotions of giving birth, or moved as he watched Nervous carefully putting the baby in her crib, the thought had crossed his mind, and he was sure it never would.
But, he wanted Nervous involved on his daughter's life, as much as in his own life, and had taken a decision to make sure of it. He just wished Nervous wouldn't misinterpret his words.
"I want you to be her godfather." Pascal announced, holding the younger man's hand softly.
"Me?" Nervous asked surprised "but, what about your brothers? Shouldn't they be?"
"They'll always be her family, her uncles, but I want you to be part of her life too, Ner. Always."
Nervous was visibly touched and his eyes watered, but instead of words, he accepted by hugging Pascal tightly.
Pascal welcomed his embraced warmly at first, but Nervous' lips suddenly brushing his neck, though tempting, was a warn to keep distance again.
"We can't do this." He gasped difficultly. He was tired, sored, overwhelmed, and he hadn't been with anyone intimately since the pregnancy started showing. The idea of simply letting go in Nervous arms had never been so enticing.
"But you want me. I know you do, and you don't want to be alone now either. You shouldn't be, Pas. Let me stay with you today."
"That's ... not a good idea." Pascal whispered, clearly unsure of his own words.
"I'll behave."
"What if I don't."
"Then, you'll give something to remember."
"But... "
"I'm not a kid anymore, Pascal." And as he was trying to prove a point, Nervous kissed him impulsively.
All his life, Pascal have been an independent, unattached, man, but the period of pregnancy and the recent delivery had caused him a huge strain both physically and mentally, and he had never never needed someone more than that morning.
And so, instead of gently pulling apart as he would have done in normal circumstances, he finally gave up and let himself go, kissing Nervous back earnestly, without considering the consequences of his acts until is was too late.
****
Back at his home in Tesla Court, all the events of the morning started taking its toll on Nervous.
For a moment, back at the Curious' household, while resting on Pascal arms,
he had felt like there was no one else in the world but them, and it would remain like that for eternity,
but soon Pascal had started regretting and mumbling apologies with incoherent excuses.
Nervous couldn't do much but to listen, nod,
and assure Pascal that he understood before leaving.
But the true was that, only after walking, alone and hurt, back to a home he hated, and feeling worse than ever before,
Nervous had finally come to terms with the reality of his relationship with Pascal.
He would always support him, and, at his own way, he'll always love him, but not the way Nervous wished to.
Pascal had tried to explain him that many times, in many ways,
but Nervous had never fully understood and accepted it until there.
Pascal would never be with him. Not really.
He wouldn't be his boyfriend, even less his husband.
Not ever.
Next: 3 - Making a Home
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First of all, I can't believe I finally finished this update.
I've re-written it three times, but couldn't get it right. Can't say I'm too satisfied with it now either, but I never am like it. Hope you like it too. :)
The other thing is the last part.
Not sure if it comes out a bit confusing, but, I really wanted to include a recreation of the programed events the Beaker household is meant to have when you just load it (Stuff face - Roaches - Failure). Just like I tried recreating the part of Nervous arriving at the Curious household just after Pas has is baby. It may not be totally correct if I get picky with maxis timeline, (like I get a bit some times lol), but it was perfect to be Nervous' last drop that day. Imagine coming back after, pretty much, being used by your best friend and find your house infested with roaches!! >.<
Sucks! :(
But he needs it!
You'll see why in the next update (when it's posted ... eventually!!!)
Thanks so much for reading! <3 <3