blah!
well, today my husband and i went to therapy. we spent an hour talking to the therapist about our marriage. now, we are not talking at all to each other. ain't life fucking great sometimes?
i was very honest at therapy. i told the therapist that i want a divorce. i have wanted one for quite a while and that this was really a last ditch, last minute effort on my husband's part to try to save a marriage that i feel is already dead. the therapist said that he believed that just by being at therapy it showed that our marriage had hope. i just wanted to laugh. i truly believe that i do not have any hope left for this farce of a marriage. i think that maybe i settled for my husband because i just didn't want to be lonely anymore. i was so lonely. the problem? i am lonelier now than i ever was before.
i am just tired. i am tired of fighting all the time. i am tired of being angry all the time. i am tired of feeling so alone all the time. i am just tired.
i promised both my husband and the therapist that i would give it at least 2 months (8 sessions) before i made a decision regarding separation. my therapist believes that if we separate that we WILL get divorced. maybe he is right. it doesn't matter, because there are only 3 months left on my lease and i had already promised to stay with my husband until our lease was up. after that, i just don't know what is going to happen.
either way, i am looking for a job and trying to find a cheap car. i have already made plans to move in with my mother if i need to and i have made arrangement with my son's school. i am making plans to leave because that is where i see this relationship heading. i am even working really hard to keep our expenses down so that i can pay off as much debt as possible before our lease is up. for all intents and purposes, i am done with this marriage. at this point in time, i am just playing a part and waiting for the show to end.
i was very honest at therapy. i told the therapist that i want a divorce. i have wanted one for quite a while and that this was really a last ditch, last minute effort on my husband's part to try to save a marriage that i feel is already dead. the therapist said that he believed that just by being at therapy it showed that our marriage had hope. i just wanted to laugh. i truly believe that i do not have any hope left for this farce of a marriage. i think that maybe i settled for my husband because i just didn't want to be lonely anymore. i was so lonely. the problem? i am lonelier now than i ever was before.
i am just tired. i am tired of fighting all the time. i am tired of being angry all the time. i am tired of feeling so alone all the time. i am just tired.
i promised both my husband and the therapist that i would give it at least 2 months (8 sessions) before i made a decision regarding separation. my therapist believes that if we separate that we WILL get divorced. maybe he is right. it doesn't matter, because there are only 3 months left on my lease and i had already promised to stay with my husband until our lease was up. after that, i just don't know what is going to happen.
either way, i am looking for a job and trying to find a cheap car. i have already made plans to move in with my mother if i need to and i have made arrangement with my son's school. i am making plans to leave because that is where i see this relationship heading. i am even working really hard to keep our expenses down so that i can pay off as much debt as possible before our lease is up. for all intents and purposes, i am done with this marriage. at this point in time, i am just playing a part and waiting for the show to end.