lot to accomplish before work
Yet, I still slept in atrociously. (8:00!!) Meh, totally drained for various reasons. But tomorrow and Sunday! I don't have to work either job. *grin*
It may take me an eternity to come to a true, final decision. But once I do, I completely shift with the decision and stand by it firmly. My whole self has more understanding and awareness, and I feel like I am in a completely different place from a week ago. And I'm happier to be here than where I was before.
Seems I get hooked on one song or another for weeks or months. The last few months, it has been this one, so I'll post the lyrics.
Now And Then
The past is so familiar
But that's why you couldn't stay
Too many ghosts, too many haunted dreams
Beside you were built to find your own way...
But after all these years, I thought we'd still hold on
But when I reach for you and search your eyes
I see you've already gone...
That's OK
I'll be fine
I've got myself, I'll heal in time
But when you leave just remember what we had...
There's more to life than just you
I may cry but I'll make it through
And I know that the sun will shine again
Though I may think of you now and then...
Can't do a thing with ashes
But throw them to the wind...
Though this heart may be in pieces now
You know I'll build it up again and
I'll come back stronger than I ever did before
Just don't turn around when you walk out that door...
That's OK
I'll be fine
I've got myself, I'll heal in time...b ut when you leave just remember what we had...
There's more to life than just you
I may cry but I'll make it through
And even though our stories at the end
I still may think of you now and then...
-Blackmore's Night
Rereading Daughter of the Forest by Juliet Marillier. Seeing a couple friends tomorrow that I haven't seen in about a month. Loving the autumn weather--yesterday, I spent a couple hours outside in the woods just existing. Very good for the soul and spirit.
Ah, and I have realized why I have always trusted quieter people more than the socially gifted. People like me, who fumble with words and have trouble enough grasping them accurately or having the wherewithal to spit them out don't have enough brains left over to think about lying with them. We are brusque, blunt, awkward, but ourself. It's the charismatic, the people who know language can be a tool and have the skill to employ it such and give people what they want to hear--it's those people I am very cynical toward. Especially because I finally slipped under the spell of words after my years of skepticism. It's a skill to be appreciated to be sure, but these days, I'll listen warily, from a distance. Reminds me of that one-day job I had, where it was almost like they sold me to myself, saying I could do it and I seemed like I had this and that talent. And then I worked the job, broke, and the spell was shattered. I was still me, not the person they had described, though I desperately wanted that to be me.
Anyway, it's a good lesson for me and training. I do believe you can be just about anything you decide to be, but it's going to take years of hard work and anguish. But that's more fun--makes for a good story. :)
It may take me an eternity to come to a true, final decision. But once I do, I completely shift with the decision and stand by it firmly. My whole self has more understanding and awareness, and I feel like I am in a completely different place from a week ago. And I'm happier to be here than where I was before.
Seems I get hooked on one song or another for weeks or months. The last few months, it has been this one, so I'll post the lyrics.
Now And Then
The past is so familiar
But that's why you couldn't stay
Too many ghosts, too many haunted dreams
Beside you were built to find your own way...
But after all these years, I thought we'd still hold on
But when I reach for you and search your eyes
I see you've already gone...
That's OK
I'll be fine
I've got myself, I'll heal in time
But when you leave just remember what we had...
There's more to life than just you
I may cry but I'll make it through
And I know that the sun will shine again
Though I may think of you now and then...
Can't do a thing with ashes
But throw them to the wind...
Though this heart may be in pieces now
You know I'll build it up again and
I'll come back stronger than I ever did before
Just don't turn around when you walk out that door...
That's OK
I'll be fine
I've got myself, I'll heal in time...b ut when you leave just remember what we had...
There's more to life than just you
I may cry but I'll make it through
And even though our stories at the end
I still may think of you now and then...
-Blackmore's Night
Rereading Daughter of the Forest by Juliet Marillier. Seeing a couple friends tomorrow that I haven't seen in about a month. Loving the autumn weather--yesterday, I spent a couple hours outside in the woods just existing. Very good for the soul and spirit.
Ah, and I have realized why I have always trusted quieter people more than the socially gifted. People like me, who fumble with words and have trouble enough grasping them accurately or having the wherewithal to spit them out don't have enough brains left over to think about lying with them. We are brusque, blunt, awkward, but ourself. It's the charismatic, the people who know language can be a tool and have the skill to employ it such and give people what they want to hear--it's those people I am very cynical toward. Especially because I finally slipped under the spell of words after my years of skepticism. It's a skill to be appreciated to be sure, but these days, I'll listen warily, from a distance. Reminds me of that one-day job I had, where it was almost like they sold me to myself, saying I could do it and I seemed like I had this and that talent. And then I worked the job, broke, and the spell was shattered. I was still me, not the person they had described, though I desperately wanted that to be me.
Anyway, it's a good lesson for me and training. I do believe you can be just about anything you decide to be, but it's going to take years of hard work and anguish. But that's more fun--makes for a good story. :)