Re: I HAVE THOUGHTSalchemiJuly 18 2012, 18:31:47 UTC
Anyway, I think it is a matter of timing and understanding that people have other commitments. It doesn't mean that you're not going to be super-close, just because you have to make time.
I think part of the feeling that inspired the article is that it is so much easier in some ways in college because of the proximity, etc. But, in my case it was harder because I was less mature and confident, and the maturity and confidence matters a lot more than the proximity.
I think this is also caused by a huge lack of self-awareness. Whenever I feel like I'm getting "low" on friends, or spending time with only the same 5 people, or can't find someone to do the things I want to do; I go out and meet people.
Yes. There is a sort of inertia to it. When I was not making friends, I both didn't know how to go out and meet people and didn't have faith it would work.
In this age, I think it is easier than ever to meet people you're more likely to click with than ever before. The internet has democratized so many "fringe" groups (atheists, CF,
( ... )
Re: I HAVE THOUGHTSgrrillaestheteJuly 18 2012, 18:50:53 UTC
I am WAY less mature than I was at 15 or 20 (in some ways). Getting older has helped me loosen up a bit. Don't get me wrong, I am also way more adept at dealing with myself and others, so I know I've matured, but I am more **approachable** now.
It's like with anything, right? There is a skill to making friends as an adult, and I think the woman who said making functional friends was right. It's not like there's not crossover, but it's nice to have the "yoga friend" the "cocktails friend" or whatever.
But, you are more likely to meet agreeable temperaments among people with similar interests.
I am feeling that suspended animation thing. It's what happens with my best friends who are miles away, and it's comforting to fall back into the rhythm of the friendship. But I also am very bad about nurturing the relationship when I am removed from it.
This stupid story bugged me, as well as making me irritated with all the friends I have who posted this going "IT'S SO ME!" and I'm like, You have no friends, huh? What am I, chopped liver?
My worldview is very Reveritas-centric, yet I still have enough friends to keep me happy.
Re: I HAVE THOUGHTSalchemiJuly 18 2012, 18:24:25 UTC
I think a lot of this is in the writing. It is appropriate to make nice noises about a house someone has just purchased (particularly given the mortgaging their future thing) and to visibly find the place distasteful could be an almost cruel act. I also think it is best policy to be grateful for an invitation even to a spaghetti dinner even in an unfurnished apartment (because the invitation, not the surroundings, are the main thing).
I agree completely about the 100-point scale which seemed so petty and unpleasant to me. I suspect she was both the bully and the bullied in Junior High - one of those people who got picked on and then turned it on others.
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I think part of the feeling that inspired the article is that it is so much easier in some ways in college because of the proximity, etc. But, in my case it was harder because I was less mature and confident, and the maturity and confidence matters a lot more than the proximity.
I think this is also caused by a huge lack of self-awareness. Whenever I feel like I'm getting "low" on friends, or spending time with only the same 5 people, or can't find someone to do the things I want to do; I go out and meet people.
Yes. There is a sort of inertia to it. When I was not making friends, I both didn't know how to go out and meet people and didn't have faith it would work.
In this age, I think it is easier than ever to meet people you're more likely to click with than ever before. The internet has democratized so many "fringe" groups (atheists, CF, ( ... )
Reply
It's like with anything, right? There is a skill to making friends as an adult, and I think the woman who said making functional friends was right. It's not like there's not crossover, but it's nice to have the "yoga friend" the "cocktails friend" or whatever.
But, you are more likely to meet agreeable temperaments among people with similar interests.
I am feeling that suspended animation thing. It's what happens with my best friends who are miles away, and it's comforting to fall back into the rhythm of the friendship. But I also am very bad about nurturing the relationship when I am removed from it.
Reply
YES. I have very, very few close friends with whom I share any interests, and the friends with whom I do share interests are usually not very close.
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This stupid story bugged me, as well as making me irritated with all the friends I have who posted this going "IT'S SO ME!" and I'm like, You have no friends, huh? What am I, chopped liver?
My worldview is very Reveritas-centric, yet I still have enough friends to keep me happy.
TLDR: This is a New York City problem.
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I agree completely about the 100-point scale which seemed so petty and unpleasant to me. I suspect she was both the bully and the bullied in Junior High - one of those people who got picked on and then turned it on others.
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