Re: I HAVE THOUGHTSalchemiJuly 18 2012, 18:31:47 UTC
Anyway, I think it is a matter of timing and understanding that people have other commitments. It doesn't mean that you're not going to be super-close, just because you have to make time.
I think part of the feeling that inspired the article is that it is so much easier in some ways in college because of the proximity, etc. But, in my case it was harder because I was less mature and confident, and the maturity and confidence matters a lot more than the proximity.
I think this is also caused by a huge lack of self-awareness. Whenever I feel like I'm getting "low" on friends, or spending time with only the same 5 people, or can't find someone to do the things I want to do; I go out and meet people.
Yes. There is a sort of inertia to it. When I was not making friends, I both didn't know how to go out and meet people and didn't have faith it would work.
In this age, I think it is easier than ever to meet people you're more likely to click with than ever before. The internet has democratized so many "fringe" groups (atheists, CF, furries, whatever), that you can pre-screen for all the things you want or go to meetup or okc and find a group of people with similar interests.
I almost entirely agree, but my only hesitation is that I have found that my best friends tend to be based on temperament rather than interests. I go to DL and have an interest in politics in common with everyone there, but only a few end up friends. But your friends I can steal like crazy because you tend to like the kind of people I like.
People move, situations change, and life moves on. It doesn't mean I don't think about the people who used to be so present in my life.
Established friendships, for me, can fall into suspended animation. Amanda will be visiting next week. We've hardly been in touch for six months, but I have complete faith that when she gets here things will be as they have always been.
The upside of feeling this way about friendships is that I can fall back in easily.
The downside is that sometimes I don't put the effort into nurturing friendships that I should (particularly when distance is involved).
Re: I HAVE THOUGHTSgrrillaestheteJuly 18 2012, 18:50:53 UTC
I am WAY less mature than I was at 15 or 20 (in some ways). Getting older has helped me loosen up a bit. Don't get me wrong, I am also way more adept at dealing with myself and others, so I know I've matured, but I am more **approachable** now.
It's like with anything, right? There is a skill to making friends as an adult, and I think the woman who said making functional friends was right. It's not like there's not crossover, but it's nice to have the "yoga friend" the "cocktails friend" or whatever.
But, you are more likely to meet agreeable temperaments among people with similar interests.
I am feeling that suspended animation thing. It's what happens with my best friends who are miles away, and it's comforting to fall back into the rhythm of the friendship. But I also am very bad about nurturing the relationship when I am removed from it.
I think part of the feeling that inspired the article is that it is so much easier in some ways in college because of the proximity, etc. But, in my case it was harder because I was less mature and confident, and the maturity and confidence matters a lot more than the proximity.
I think this is also caused by a huge lack of self-awareness. Whenever I feel like I'm getting "low" on friends, or spending time with only the same 5 people, or can't find someone to do the things I want to do; I go out and meet people.
Yes. There is a sort of inertia to it. When I was not making friends, I both didn't know how to go out and meet people and didn't have faith it would work.
In this age, I think it is easier than ever to meet people you're more likely to click with than ever before. The internet has democratized so many "fringe" groups (atheists, CF, furries, whatever), that you can pre-screen for all the things you want or go to meetup or okc and find a group of people with similar interests.
I almost entirely agree, but my only hesitation is that I have found that my best friends tend to be based on temperament rather than interests. I go to DL and have an interest in politics in common with everyone there, but only a few end up friends. But your friends I can steal like crazy because you tend to like the kind of people I like.
People move, situations change, and life moves on. It doesn't mean I don't think about the people who used to be so present in my life.
Established friendships, for me, can fall into suspended animation. Amanda will be visiting next week. We've hardly been in touch for six months, but I have complete faith that when she gets here things will be as they have always been.
The upside of feeling this way about friendships is that I can fall back in easily.
The downside is that sometimes I don't put the effort into nurturing friendships that I should (particularly when distance is involved).
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It's like with anything, right? There is a skill to making friends as an adult, and I think the woman who said making functional friends was right. It's not like there's not crossover, but it's nice to have the "yoga friend" the "cocktails friend" or whatever.
But, you are more likely to meet agreeable temperaments among people with similar interests.
I am feeling that suspended animation thing. It's what happens with my best friends who are miles away, and it's comforting to fall back into the rhythm of the friendship. But I also am very bad about nurturing the relationship when I am removed from it.
Reply
YES. I have very, very few close friends with whom I share any interests, and the friends with whom I do share interests are usually not very close.
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