How to catch a Haggis
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Scotland is a minor country-ette to the north of England. Renowned for its sex tourism, sheep shaggers from all over the United Kingdom travel to Scotland to enjoy its liberal laws regarding livestock appreciation(tupping). Scotland was once rumoured to be the home of the Scottish. Sadly along with Ireland, most of its indigenous population (Jocks, Sweaties) migrated to The USA and Australia. However, both are common places for whitey to wax hysterical about their ancestry there.
Exports
Scotland's primary export is the Haggis, a small, fur-covered creature with one leg shorter than the other. Before intensive Haggis farming was introduced, Haggis hunting was the country's biggest source of employment.
How to catch a Haggis
The most significant physical characteristic of Haggis, aside from the repugnant taste, is that they have one leg significantly shorter than the other. When in their natural habitat, the Highlands of Scotland, this is a natural advantage. Since most hills slope downward, the Haggis is able to maintain perfect vertical posture while standing sideways on a hillside. This enables it to run around the hill in a circular direction without falling down, as would most other animals.
However, evolution provided Scotsmen with the perfect biological advantage over the Haggis. The Shotgun. Over many years, Scotsmen learned to sneak up behind Haggis and, just at the right moment, fire their shotgun straight up into the air while shouting "Och ya'wee'un! Noo ya'maine!".
The Haggis would then turn around to see what the noise was, and due to bipedal disharmony would fall and roll to the bottom of the hill, where a second Scotsman would wait with a sack made from a sheep's stomach.
Haggis farming has largely been consigned to Scotlands dark and ginger past. However Haggis Hunting Holidays are popular with tourists from Scandinavia.