Nestea and Cigarettes.
today was uneventful, aside from the fact that i went to the mandarin with my grandparents. other than that... refer to title.
my whole depressed feeling thing comes back still. and it really is getting fucking annoying because it's skewing my decision making and my mind up. i don't even know what i want anymore; one minute i wanna get up and go somewhere, the next minute i want to sleep. one minute i want a girlfriend, the next minute i wanna be single. this whole week has been weird, but i'm thinking it's because i started working again, and i'm pretty tired lately, so i'm gonna use that as my reasoning behind it.
just to expand on the whole girlfriend thing... i'm in a bind right now.. because i want to "get back together with someone" but i don't know if i should. if i do, i don't know if people are gonna think i'm a chump for doing so after she dumped me. i don't want to look like a fuckin' baby who sits around with his thumb in his bum, and then takes back a girl that screwed me over. but i guess you just can't help it if you have feelings for someone.. my friend told me to screw her over back, but that's fucking childish.. i mean come on... sure, when you date in highschool, you tend to play games, but come on.. that's fucking stupid. besides, i could never actually bring myself to do that.. i still do have feelings for her, and the thought of doing that to her just gets me in an even shittier mood.
and i know what you're thinking: how could you still have feelings for someone who jewed you over for a younger/more assholish guy? well that's easy... it wasn't her fault she wanted to be with him.. and it wasn't my fault either.. a person can't help it if they have a change of heart, and i respect her for telling me in person what she wanted. i hate giving second chances to people who fuck me over... but i honest to god like her a lot.
so yeah, i guess what this all boils down to is i do like her.. and maybe i'm depressed [i fuckin hate that word] because i want to be with her, and i'm not sure if i can.. i dunno.. i have to think about it more, and talk to her more... i need to know what she's thinking about and stuff. and i doubt she wants to be with me again.. but then again, there's always a chance. (by the way, the guy she dumped ME for dumped HER. and for a split second, it made me feel good that "what went around, came around" back to her... but then i realized that that's no way to think.. that's just childish and immature: two wrongs DON'T make a right.. contrary to popular belief.)
so at 12:45 on a thursday night, i'm sitting in bed, waiting for tomorrow to come.. another day of work... another day of getting up and thinking about wanting to be with her. it's so shitty. i just wanna hold her again but at the same time.. i can't because it's really fucking hard to bring myself to tell her i still like her after what she did. whatever. i'm sure it will pan out in the end... i'm also positive i'm making a big deal out of nothing, considering that "This is just highschool: no relationships should take up this much thought! right!?" fuckkkkkkkk thaaaaaat.
i gotta work at 9. so i have to sleep. comment if you have opinions on what i should do... thanks guys.. it would mean a lot.
peace.
my whole depressed feeling thing comes back still. and it really is getting fucking annoying because it's skewing my decision making and my mind up. i don't even know what i want anymore; one minute i wanna get up and go somewhere, the next minute i want to sleep. one minute i want a girlfriend, the next minute i wanna be single. this whole week has been weird, but i'm thinking it's because i started working again, and i'm pretty tired lately, so i'm gonna use that as my reasoning behind it.
just to expand on the whole girlfriend thing... i'm in a bind right now.. because i want to "get back together with someone" but i don't know if i should. if i do, i don't know if people are gonna think i'm a chump for doing so after she dumped me. i don't want to look like a fuckin' baby who sits around with his thumb in his bum, and then takes back a girl that screwed me over. but i guess you just can't help it if you have feelings for someone.. my friend told me to screw her over back, but that's fucking childish.. i mean come on... sure, when you date in highschool, you tend to play games, but come on.. that's fucking stupid. besides, i could never actually bring myself to do that.. i still do have feelings for her, and the thought of doing that to her just gets me in an even shittier mood.
and i know what you're thinking: how could you still have feelings for someone who jewed you over for a younger/more assholish guy? well that's easy... it wasn't her fault she wanted to be with him.. and it wasn't my fault either.. a person can't help it if they have a change of heart, and i respect her for telling me in person what she wanted. i hate giving second chances to people who fuck me over... but i honest to god like her a lot.
so yeah, i guess what this all boils down to is i do like her.. and maybe i'm depressed [i fuckin hate that word] because i want to be with her, and i'm not sure if i can.. i dunno.. i have to think about it more, and talk to her more... i need to know what she's thinking about and stuff. and i doubt she wants to be with me again.. but then again, there's always a chance. (by the way, the guy she dumped ME for dumped HER. and for a split second, it made me feel good that "what went around, came around" back to her... but then i realized that that's no way to think.. that's just childish and immature: two wrongs DON'T make a right.. contrary to popular belief.)
so at 12:45 on a thursday night, i'm sitting in bed, waiting for tomorrow to come.. another day of work... another day of getting up and thinking about wanting to be with her. it's so shitty. i just wanna hold her again but at the same time.. i can't because it's really fucking hard to bring myself to tell her i still like her after what she did. whatever. i'm sure it will pan out in the end... i'm also positive i'm making a big deal out of nothing, considering that "This is just highschool: no relationships should take up this much thought! right!?" fuckkkkkkkk thaaaaaat.
i gotta work at 9. so i have to sleep. comment if you have opinions on what i should do... thanks guys.. it would mean a lot.
peace.