Unsure.
sometimes you don't really know yourself.. and that's weird, because you should know you,... right? wrong.. lately, i feel like i'm down in the dumpsters, but i'm not at the same time. i'm obviously happy; i'm healthy, i'm on summer holidays, i did well in school, and i have a job and my summer is exciting... so why do i feel like shit for sporatic periods of time? all of a sudden, i feel like i'm just gonna fucking break down and it's really stupid. and then after a minute or so.. i'm fine again. it only happens when i'm by myself. i get really tired, lazy, sloppy, down,.. whatever. i just don't feel like me, and it's pissing me off because i can't put my finger on why this would be happening.
on another note, i saw 4 people tonight that i haven't seen in (it seems like) billions of years: Harrison Pink, Simon Baker, Courtney Kraik, and Chanel Wood. these guys were possibly the coolest grade 13's i knew when i was in grade 9. usually a grade 13 would've sluffed a "niner" off and told them to "go elsewhere," but not these guys,. they couldn't've made my first year of highschool more enjoyable and more awesome. after i saw them i was happier, so i'm hoping i just needed a little seratonin boost in the form of 'seeing-good-friends-again'.
another reason for me being slightly not happy, is that ( yeah i know this is stupid and typically 'LJ', buuuut..>.. ) there is this girl.. who is amazing.. and i knew i wanted to be with her the second i saw her, but, as usual, with most things, i was stupid and got lost in the moment, and more importantly, was lost for words... i couldn't say anything if my life depended on it. and (now) by the time i could get the words out (which was a few weeks ago), it was too late. i have to learn to take charge more often. to be more confident... to take hold of the situation. lately, though, i've noticed that this seems to be the case with most things.
holy shit.. long update. i have to stop.
hope you liked the essay.
peace.,
on another note, i saw 4 people tonight that i haven't seen in (it seems like) billions of years: Harrison Pink, Simon Baker, Courtney Kraik, and Chanel Wood. these guys were possibly the coolest grade 13's i knew when i was in grade 9. usually a grade 13 would've sluffed a "niner" off and told them to "go elsewhere," but not these guys,. they couldn't've made my first year of highschool more enjoyable and more awesome. after i saw them i was happier, so i'm hoping i just needed a little seratonin boost in the form of 'seeing-good-friends-again'.
another reason for me being slightly not happy, is that ( yeah i know this is stupid and typically 'LJ', buuuut..>.. ) there is this girl.. who is amazing.. and i knew i wanted to be with her the second i saw her, but, as usual, with most things, i was stupid and got lost in the moment, and more importantly, was lost for words... i couldn't say anything if my life depended on it. and (now) by the time i could get the words out (which was a few weeks ago), it was too late. i have to learn to take charge more often. to be more confident... to take hold of the situation. lately, though, i've noticed that this seems to be the case with most things.
holy shit.. long update. i have to stop.
hope you liked the essay.
peace.,