A letter of sympathy
To: All the girls that are on my friendslist, All the girls who may see this and All the girls... I’ve loved before...
From: Eric H
Re: My icon
Dear Above Aforementioned et al.
Thank you all for your recent concern, concerning our “vaginal pear” icon. We here at alarmed Inc. take your concerns very sincerely, and we strive to diligently focus on addressing all concerns in a timely manner.
Please be advised here at alarmed Inc. that your concerns are unfounded, and silly. As a girl you most likely are used to this kind of response. We would like to reassure you, that while your concerns are silly, almost meaningless, we have been listening. We have been listening, while playing video games and watching the TV, but nonetheless listening. I would say that at least half of the words in these complaints have been duly noted.
In our history, we have noticed that things involving upset girls get out of control quickly, and situations sometimes end up with crying, sobbing and more playing of video games - but in a bad way.
At alarmed Inc. we feel it necessary to quell all concerns before they get out of hand. So we have decided to put down the controllers and remotes and offer to you this official statement:
"alarmed Inc. cares deeply about the opinions and expressions of the girls in which we service. And while the “vaginal pear” icon depicts a device that was used hundreds of years ago to inflict pain on witches, heretics and adulterers, we in no way feel that it is the case now. We deeply admire and wish nothing but pleasure to the portion of the female body that the vaginal pair was designed to harm. Further evidence is available to express our true feelings towards this subject.
Additionally, if any girls would like to offer up an ante of an icon depicting a device solely to inflict pain onto the nether regions of the male anatomy, alarmed Inc. may be coerced into using it as an icon.”
In closing, alarmed Inc. thanks you for your many years of business. We look forward to working with you in the future. If you have any questions, or need any further assistance, please feel free to call.
Sincerely
Eric H
CEO alarmed Inc.
From: Eric H
Re: My icon
Dear Above Aforementioned et al.
Thank you all for your recent concern, concerning our “vaginal pear” icon. We here at alarmed Inc. take your concerns very sincerely, and we strive to diligently focus on addressing all concerns in a timely manner.
Please be advised here at alarmed Inc. that your concerns are unfounded, and silly. As a girl you most likely are used to this kind of response. We would like to reassure you, that while your concerns are silly, almost meaningless, we have been listening. We have been listening, while playing video games and watching the TV, but nonetheless listening. I would say that at least half of the words in these complaints have been duly noted.
In our history, we have noticed that things involving upset girls get out of control quickly, and situations sometimes end up with crying, sobbing and more playing of video games - but in a bad way.
At alarmed Inc. we feel it necessary to quell all concerns before they get out of hand. So we have decided to put down the controllers and remotes and offer to you this official statement:
"alarmed Inc. cares deeply about the opinions and expressions of the girls in which we service. And while the “vaginal pear” icon depicts a device that was used hundreds of years ago to inflict pain on witches, heretics and adulterers, we in no way feel that it is the case now. We deeply admire and wish nothing but pleasure to the portion of the female body that the vaginal pair was designed to harm. Further evidence is available to express our true feelings towards this subject.
Additionally, if any girls would like to offer up an ante of an icon depicting a device solely to inflict pain onto the nether regions of the male anatomy, alarmed Inc. may be coerced into using it as an icon.”
In closing, alarmed Inc. thanks you for your many years of business. We look forward to working with you in the future. If you have any questions, or need any further assistance, please feel free to call.
Sincerely
Eric H
CEO alarmed Inc.