I felt so empty and now Im fine but still its burning when will you be mine...
Everytime i have to be up in the morning for something important I wake up on the hour every hour....however I had time to have a REAL messed up dream!! Ok so I was swimming in the lake with Ashley Janny and we were just talking and at first we were at my house but then we were somewhere I don't know. So then she was talking about how Peter Clarkson was leaving soon and all this shit and I was in a basement all of a sudden that I didn't recognize. And it was like an elimidate interveiw of this girl named Iris talking about how she kissed Peter and it was like I was watching her on a TV. She went into all this detail that I will keep to myself but she was going on and on and I was just thinking to myself that the camera was making her look real nasty and all this shit about her and then I felt anxiety towords the fact the Peter was leaving for somewhere...and then I woke up. I love dreaming because I like the mystery and I think those are my purest thoughts and I like to figure out what I was really thinking about. I dunno I am going to try to find out what this all means.
Now that I have had that dream it has just occured to me that I have been on my own for 4 months. Its been tough but I think that its good. I don't really know any guys I would consider dating because I'm not just looking for anyone...you know? I just feel like things aren't over between me and someone and that I will marry him and we will be happy ever after...like I had thought all along...but then reality comes back and I have been there and screwed it up already so the chance has been shattered. I dunno when I meet guys I just consider them all the same...looking for that one thing and I become uninterested which is really odd because I usually like any guy I meet...but lately I'm just not interested. Right now I just feel like I am waiting for this one chance to show this guy how much I care about him so until then all the other guys just equal friends. I have never really felt like this...usually I crave attention from all guys and I will lead them on to get it but right now I'm not even satisfied with other guys attention and it does nothing for me...I only want attention from this one guy...and I am not so sure I will ever tell him how I feel or how much I care. Well I trust that this summer will be full of suprises...and for right now I am content secretly liking this mystery guy. well I am going to go help put the pier in...by the way the puppies have two more weeks at home so if you want to see them you better come see them soon :( !!!!
Love always,
Alana Leah
Now that I have had that dream it has just occured to me that I have been on my own for 4 months. Its been tough but I think that its good. I don't really know any guys I would consider dating because I'm not just looking for anyone...you know? I just feel like things aren't over between me and someone and that I will marry him and we will be happy ever after...like I had thought all along...but then reality comes back and I have been there and screwed it up already so the chance has been shattered. I dunno when I meet guys I just consider them all the same...looking for that one thing and I become uninterested which is really odd because I usually like any guy I meet...but lately I'm just not interested. Right now I just feel like I am waiting for this one chance to show this guy how much I care about him so until then all the other guys just equal friends. I have never really felt like this...usually I crave attention from all guys and I will lead them on to get it but right now I'm not even satisfied with other guys attention and it does nothing for me...I only want attention from this one guy...and I am not so sure I will ever tell him how I feel or how much I care. Well I trust that this summer will be full of suprises...and for right now I am content secretly liking this mystery guy. well I am going to go help put the pier in...by the way the puppies have two more weeks at home so if you want to see them you better come see them soon :( !!!!
Love always,
Alana Leah