Why the fuck is it always me?
I'm pretty sure that I'm over Aaron. And by pretty sure, I mean, when I'm with someone else I can completely forget about him. It's getting easier to push him out of my thoughts, but I still care about him. And it hurts to know that he doesn't give a fuck about me.
I'm getting insanely annoyed with the fact that I can't legitimately be broken up with. FOR ONCE I want someone to break up with me because I'm too bitchy, or emotional, or jealous, or open-minded, or I'm not pretty enough, or some other shit like that. Within the past 3 years, five different guys have abandoned me for someone better. We broke up, or stopped seeing each other, because they found someone else. I don't know how these other girls are better than me.. but I'd like to know. Is there something I need to change about myself so a guy will actually want to be with me? My limit on relationships is 2 & 1/2 months. I know I'm young and I'm not expected to have been in a 5 year relationship or something, but I've never had a "solid" relationship, I guess. And that annoys the fuck out of me.
Just once, I want to be good enough for someone to stay with.
It's not fair that he was the one who started feeling first, and I was left feeling at the end. It's not fair.
I'm decently happy with the way my life is right now, except in the "love & relationship" department. It's just sort of fucked up there... Maybe I'm the one who's fucking up?
I just want to know why I'm not good enough!
I think I'm turning off feeling again. Because every fucking time I turn it on, some stupid shit like this happens. And I fucking hate it. I hate pain that I can't control.
I hope he goes to Venice with her. And gets mugged & murdered or something. I just want him to be able to understand how I feel, on some sort of level.
I want to leave. I don't want to go to school, because if I do, I can't just pack up my shit & go. I don't even know where I'd go, just.. somewhere that isn't here. Some place where people don't know who I am. A place where they don't care who I am. I don't want to live out the rest of my life alone, because that scares me shitless, but I wouldn't mind just going away for a while.
It's just not fair.
I'm getting insanely annoyed with the fact that I can't legitimately be broken up with. FOR ONCE I want someone to break up with me because I'm too bitchy, or emotional, or jealous, or open-minded, or I'm not pretty enough, or some other shit like that. Within the past 3 years, five different guys have abandoned me for someone better. We broke up, or stopped seeing each other, because they found someone else. I don't know how these other girls are better than me.. but I'd like to know. Is there something I need to change about myself so a guy will actually want to be with me? My limit on relationships is 2 & 1/2 months. I know I'm young and I'm not expected to have been in a 5 year relationship or something, but I've never had a "solid" relationship, I guess. And that annoys the fuck out of me.
Just once, I want to be good enough for someone to stay with.
It's not fair that he was the one who started feeling first, and I was left feeling at the end. It's not fair.
I'm decently happy with the way my life is right now, except in the "love & relationship" department. It's just sort of fucked up there... Maybe I'm the one who's fucking up?
I just want to know why I'm not good enough!
I think I'm turning off feeling again. Because every fucking time I turn it on, some stupid shit like this happens. And I fucking hate it. I hate pain that I can't control.
I hope he goes to Venice with her. And gets mugged & murdered or something. I just want him to be able to understand how I feel, on some sort of level.
I want to leave. I don't want to go to school, because if I do, I can't just pack up my shit & go. I don't even know where I'd go, just.. somewhere that isn't here. Some place where people don't know who I am. A place where they don't care who I am. I don't want to live out the rest of my life alone, because that scares me shitless, but I wouldn't mind just going away for a while.
It's just not fair.