Ok what is up with the new update page??
So. I was gonna post an update - and I will - but what is this new updating thing. What. *pokes it with a stick* I do not like. Seriously I feel like I'm looking at a blog page as it's being updated. Ew. If you are like me and do not like it, go to your settings. Ugh. (FTR I am still using the old friends page view as well. I am set in my ways damn it.)
Anyway.
Update.
High Holidays are upon the synagogue and I am definitely not in the right head space for it, but then I don't think anyone is. My rabbi and I usually meet up once a week to see how my progress is going, but she's skipping next Sunday because she has things to do. I also will have a part o.o Our group is doing a hybrid service and since I've already stepped up to lead a yearly Tanakh study starting in October over zoom, our community coordinator person asked me if I could help keep an eye on the zoom portion of things. I won't be the only one - yay! - but yeah. My manager approved the four days for me to have off yay.
I actually need the time off anyway though. It's been an...interesting month. Sibling in old state voluntarily went to a psych unit and I only found out from her case manager who wanted to be sure I knew and also to give me a general update. Then sibling was supposed to be released Thursday or Friday, but by Saturday morning I hadn't heard from sibling or case manager. Given the reason for the admittance, I rightly had a small panic. Also because sibling I feel is the type of person who, being on the verge of homelessness, would have left the hospital and just embrace being homeless without looking at options or for help. I was not the only one with that opinion. Bit of a frantic weekend that included me having to defend not calling the police so as not to make my dad aware of what was going on. Which ended up being the correct choice as sibling was still admitted to the hospital.
And all that the midst of a depression flare up for me. Which was just. Ugh. I'm approaching my mental health flare ups the same way I do my physical ones -- it doesn't last, I just need to sit with it and not fight it and it will end. Now I haven't had a depression flare up in at least a year I think so I mean yay for that, but I had not yet been in a space to know what I needed for it so I was dealing with sitting with it, not fighting, which meant just taking things easy and not beating myself up when I don't get the chores done as I'd like to and not doing anything too challenging or over and beyond or starting something new project wise. And then wham sibling goes missing.
There is still trouble with sibling, but luckily the depression flare has gone. It actually fully stopped in the middle of the work day and wow did that make a difference work wise. I felt like I had gone from wandering in mud in a fog to a bright sunny day in a meadow. Complete 180, I was not prepared. Almost felt like whiplash, lol.
As for sibling, right now I am approaching this like I am a specialist with a patient who is struggling and I am calling for the rest of the team to gather up to come up with a solution. This includes sibling. If the team can't be called together because sibling is dragging their feet, then I will tell the case manager to talk to me when sibling is ready for the conservatorship (sibling is voluntarily signing for one and I will then have control over sibling's finances) and otherwise walk away from the problem. It's all I can do. And as in the situation as a specialist who has an uncooperative patient, I will move on to what will cooperate with me.
Work has been good. New admins are definitely working out well for us. Our intake list for new patients is jumping high again which is fine until patients get mad that the wait time is so long. I don't know what they expect us to do, though. It isn't like we don't already have 6k patients in our clinic and a wait list of almost 100 which keeps getting added to no matter how many patients I process intake for. And to be honest our wait time for appointments new or established is actually pretty good in the area. I know offices -- just your regular pcp office, not a specialist -- who are scheduling in January for regular appointments like physicals. Other offices have a year long waiting list. Ours is about 4 months right now. *shrug* And the number of calls we get a day is getting longer and longer -- it makes me glad that I know how to manage my chronic illness and how to do basic home first aid. Our new admins -- coming in from the outside where reports are all "OMG WHY DO I HAVE TO WAIT SO LONG FOR AN APPOINTMENT OR TO HEAR FROM A NURSE" -- are realizing that patients are half of the equation. We only have so many staff and it is nowhere absolutely nowhere near the staff level we need to handle our patient load. And it does take a lot out of person to treat each person as if they are first one to call that day even when it is 4:50 p.m. and you've already handle at least 100 calls or issues. At least it isn't boring.
Right now though I think my biggest issue is the fact that some of my clinical coworkers don't carry their own weight -- admins cannot do clinical load, should not have to handle some of the things we do, but I'm also pushing back on the fact that they aren't meeting the admins half way for things like "I have an acute issue that needs scheduling who can I reschedule?" which yeah comes up. To say nothing of the insurance companies sending us paperwork asking "please prove your fall risk client (for example) needs a walker. Also please send us an office note where you discuss the issue." (Which if the patient hasn't had one then we need to set up the appointment.)
Personally been so-so. Depression flare up and then I was good for about a week and then I had a fibro pain flare up so I've been kind of drowsy all weekend. When I wasn't drowsy, I was trying to make a financial plan beyond what I already had organized. I obviously need a new car. I can't right now imagine taking on a car loan, but if I do get at least $18 an hour next month, I can start putting money away for a down payment end of next year. It would coincide with me having paid off my student loan. People have suggested I apply for the relief thing from the fed gov't, but financially it doesn't make sense. The loan right now is under $2k and if I pay over the minimum required I'll be done in time for having the savings for a down payment on a car. Plus the loan will keep my credit score afloat while I am putting the money aside. I've been looking at credit cards to give my score a boost -- I have a good credit score, but past mistakes still showed up when I recently applied for a card I found out. Which I suspected would happen. Luckily I did find a card that is good for people like me and I was approved. I have already set up auto payments so once I get the actual card in the mail, I'll set up a few of my smaller bills -- less than $100 -- to pay by the card and I can forget about it. That'll help my financial goals. If I get more in my pay raise than what I am expecting, I should also be able to talk to my bank about options to maximize my savings at the end of this year.
I finally got my root canal done. Bit of a mess there -- I had an appointment set up a few weeks ago at my dentist for what I thought was going to be the root canal. I called them up the day before to say hey uh I need these things (surface numbing before the novacaine -- I went to a dentist once which didn't do that and ow -- and no epinephrine in the novacaine and oh yea what should I take for my jaw pain prior to the appointment since my jaw dislocates) and it turns out that the appointment was actually for a cleaning. ARGH. Luckily the receptionist jumped right on the issue. They don't do the root canals in their office (???), but they made a stat referral for me at an orthodontist because the infection I think was causing some of my migraines. I got a call from the orthodontist that day because they got a cancellation in a few days that they could offer me. Woohoo. I relayed all of my concerns to them and they got it all neat and tidy and ready. The specialist was great, he explained the whole thing and what he was going to do. They let me use my big wireless headphones and already had a plan in place to check in with me non verbally. And this weekend my gum feels normal for the first time in years. It's great.
I have a second appointment in a few weeks to do a final clean up on the tooth, but I should be good to go. My copay was $312! I'm gonna talk to my insurance company to find out what this means for my deductable and copay and all that jazz. If this met something something then I'm gonna talk to my dentist about not just filling my baby cavities, but also a crown for this root canaled tooth. Get it all done in the same year. If I move on it now, I should get appointments before the end of the year.
Binder has been going well. I've worn it maybe four times since I got it and each time it's just. It's joy. But I am finding that the days I don't wear it and am def not feeling like presenting like either gender I am not gender happy. I like being fluid and choosing what to present as each day, but most days I am neither. And so thinking it over, I have decided to start HRT. A small dose of t. I was going to ask my pcp about it -- even asked to have an appointment this past week to start it now and do a follow up in October during my physical -- but she only keeps up a prescription of it for her patients, doesn't start it for them. She was going to ask another provider in our office, where I work, but that provider doesn't like treating co-workers and we also know each other at the synagogue so to respect her wishes, I called planned parenthood which was the next option. Luckily it is near to where I live. And more the appointment I got is before my physical so I'll get that ball started and can give my pcp a good update.
I don't want to do a full transition. Just. Slide me a bit to the middle. Aside from my large tits, I do have a high pitched voice and a classic hour glass figure. Gender presentation wise, I can present as female with a dress or skirt and a good bra. Physically, I would like to be more in the middle of or even be more neither. So just a small dose. See what that does and adjust from there. T is also good for hypermobility so it'll be good for my joints, too. (It helps to strengthen the connection in joints. Too much of the female hormones and things are loose -- those hormones are the same ones that spike during labor to help hips stretch for birth.)
All of that aside.
I've got posts queued up for teacup_society for next weekend's tea cup party and we are finally in good weather for hot tea! And there is the info post for newyearcntdown. I can't believe fest season is upon us. I kind of want to do something, but the way I'm feeling right now, it ain't happening. I'll see how I feel end of October.
Speaking of fandom, I have watched Sandman and it is lovely. I know the hot pairing is Dream/Hob, but I would like more Dream/Calliope. Does anyone have any recs?
Anyway.
Update.
High Holidays are upon the synagogue and I am definitely not in the right head space for it, but then I don't think anyone is. My rabbi and I usually meet up once a week to see how my progress is going, but she's skipping next Sunday because she has things to do. I also will have a part o.o Our group is doing a hybrid service and since I've already stepped up to lead a yearly Tanakh study starting in October over zoom, our community coordinator person asked me if I could help keep an eye on the zoom portion of things. I won't be the only one - yay! - but yeah. My manager approved the four days for me to have off yay.
I actually need the time off anyway though. It's been an...interesting month. Sibling in old state voluntarily went to a psych unit and I only found out from her case manager who wanted to be sure I knew and also to give me a general update. Then sibling was supposed to be released Thursday or Friday, but by Saturday morning I hadn't heard from sibling or case manager. Given the reason for the admittance, I rightly had a small panic. Also because sibling I feel is the type of person who, being on the verge of homelessness, would have left the hospital and just embrace being homeless without looking at options or for help. I was not the only one with that opinion. Bit of a frantic weekend that included me having to defend not calling the police so as not to make my dad aware of what was going on. Which ended up being the correct choice as sibling was still admitted to the hospital.
And all that the midst of a depression flare up for me. Which was just. Ugh. I'm approaching my mental health flare ups the same way I do my physical ones -- it doesn't last, I just need to sit with it and not fight it and it will end. Now I haven't had a depression flare up in at least a year I think so I mean yay for that, but I had not yet been in a space to know what I needed for it so I was dealing with sitting with it, not fighting, which meant just taking things easy and not beating myself up when I don't get the chores done as I'd like to and not doing anything too challenging or over and beyond or starting something new project wise. And then wham sibling goes missing.
There is still trouble with sibling, but luckily the depression flare has gone. It actually fully stopped in the middle of the work day and wow did that make a difference work wise. I felt like I had gone from wandering in mud in a fog to a bright sunny day in a meadow. Complete 180, I was not prepared. Almost felt like whiplash, lol.
As for sibling, right now I am approaching this like I am a specialist with a patient who is struggling and I am calling for the rest of the team to gather up to come up with a solution. This includes sibling. If the team can't be called together because sibling is dragging their feet, then I will tell the case manager to talk to me when sibling is ready for the conservatorship (sibling is voluntarily signing for one and I will then have control over sibling's finances) and otherwise walk away from the problem. It's all I can do. And as in the situation as a specialist who has an uncooperative patient, I will move on to what will cooperate with me.
Work has been good. New admins are definitely working out well for us. Our intake list for new patients is jumping high again which is fine until patients get mad that the wait time is so long. I don't know what they expect us to do, though. It isn't like we don't already have 6k patients in our clinic and a wait list of almost 100 which keeps getting added to no matter how many patients I process intake for. And to be honest our wait time for appointments new or established is actually pretty good in the area. I know offices -- just your regular pcp office, not a specialist -- who are scheduling in January for regular appointments like physicals. Other offices have a year long waiting list. Ours is about 4 months right now. *shrug* And the number of calls we get a day is getting longer and longer -- it makes me glad that I know how to manage my chronic illness and how to do basic home first aid. Our new admins -- coming in from the outside where reports are all "OMG WHY DO I HAVE TO WAIT SO LONG FOR AN APPOINTMENT OR TO HEAR FROM A NURSE" -- are realizing that patients are half of the equation. We only have so many staff and it is nowhere absolutely nowhere near the staff level we need to handle our patient load. And it does take a lot out of person to treat each person as if they are first one to call that day even when it is 4:50 p.m. and you've already handle at least 100 calls or issues. At least it isn't boring.
Right now though I think my biggest issue is the fact that some of my clinical coworkers don't carry their own weight -- admins cannot do clinical load, should not have to handle some of the things we do, but I'm also pushing back on the fact that they aren't meeting the admins half way for things like "I have an acute issue that needs scheduling who can I reschedule?" which yeah comes up. To say nothing of the insurance companies sending us paperwork asking "please prove your fall risk client (for example) needs a walker. Also please send us an office note where you discuss the issue." (Which if the patient hasn't had one then we need to set up the appointment.)
Personally been so-so. Depression flare up and then I was good for about a week and then I had a fibro pain flare up so I've been kind of drowsy all weekend. When I wasn't drowsy, I was trying to make a financial plan beyond what I already had organized. I obviously need a new car. I can't right now imagine taking on a car loan, but if I do get at least $18 an hour next month, I can start putting money away for a down payment end of next year. It would coincide with me having paid off my student loan. People have suggested I apply for the relief thing from the fed gov't, but financially it doesn't make sense. The loan right now is under $2k and if I pay over the minimum required I'll be done in time for having the savings for a down payment on a car. Plus the loan will keep my credit score afloat while I am putting the money aside. I've been looking at credit cards to give my score a boost -- I have a good credit score, but past mistakes still showed up when I recently applied for a card I found out. Which I suspected would happen. Luckily I did find a card that is good for people like me and I was approved. I have already set up auto payments so once I get the actual card in the mail, I'll set up a few of my smaller bills -- less than $100 -- to pay by the card and I can forget about it. That'll help my financial goals. If I get more in my pay raise than what I am expecting, I should also be able to talk to my bank about options to maximize my savings at the end of this year.
I finally got my root canal done. Bit of a mess there -- I had an appointment set up a few weeks ago at my dentist for what I thought was going to be the root canal. I called them up the day before to say hey uh I need these things (surface numbing before the novacaine -- I went to a dentist once which didn't do that and ow -- and no epinephrine in the novacaine and oh yea what should I take for my jaw pain prior to the appointment since my jaw dislocates) and it turns out that the appointment was actually for a cleaning. ARGH. Luckily the receptionist jumped right on the issue. They don't do the root canals in their office (???), but they made a stat referral for me at an orthodontist because the infection I think was causing some of my migraines. I got a call from the orthodontist that day because they got a cancellation in a few days that they could offer me. Woohoo. I relayed all of my concerns to them and they got it all neat and tidy and ready. The specialist was great, he explained the whole thing and what he was going to do. They let me use my big wireless headphones and already had a plan in place to check in with me non verbally. And this weekend my gum feels normal for the first time in years. It's great.
I have a second appointment in a few weeks to do a final clean up on the tooth, but I should be good to go. My copay was $312! I'm gonna talk to my insurance company to find out what this means for my deductable and copay and all that jazz. If this met something something then I'm gonna talk to my dentist about not just filling my baby cavities, but also a crown for this root canaled tooth. Get it all done in the same year. If I move on it now, I should get appointments before the end of the year.
Binder has been going well. I've worn it maybe four times since I got it and each time it's just. It's joy. But I am finding that the days I don't wear it and am def not feeling like presenting like either gender I am not gender happy. I like being fluid and choosing what to present as each day, but most days I am neither. And so thinking it over, I have decided to start HRT. A small dose of t. I was going to ask my pcp about it -- even asked to have an appointment this past week to start it now and do a follow up in October during my physical -- but she only keeps up a prescription of it for her patients, doesn't start it for them. She was going to ask another provider in our office, where I work, but that provider doesn't like treating co-workers and we also know each other at the synagogue so to respect her wishes, I called planned parenthood which was the next option. Luckily it is near to where I live. And more the appointment I got is before my physical so I'll get that ball started and can give my pcp a good update.
I don't want to do a full transition. Just. Slide me a bit to the middle. Aside from my large tits, I do have a high pitched voice and a classic hour glass figure. Gender presentation wise, I can present as female with a dress or skirt and a good bra. Physically, I would like to be more in the middle of or even be more neither. So just a small dose. See what that does and adjust from there. T is also good for hypermobility so it'll be good for my joints, too. (It helps to strengthen the connection in joints. Too much of the female hormones and things are loose -- those hormones are the same ones that spike during labor to help hips stretch for birth.)
All of that aside.
I've got posts queued up for teacup_society for next weekend's tea cup party and we are finally in good weather for hot tea! And there is the info post for newyearcntdown. I can't believe fest season is upon us. I kind of want to do something, but the way I'm feeling right now, it ain't happening. I'll see how I feel end of October.
Speaking of fandom, I have watched Sandman and it is lovely. I know the hot pairing is Dream/Hob, but I would like more Dream/Calliope. Does anyone have any recs?