If you'd be honest, and say what you mean . . .

[alaboutya]

So I haven't written in a journal in over a year. Or damn close to year. And today, well, it is just about time.

It is so odd to be in the place you've always been with completely different people. And so then, you sort of allow yourself to paste the differentness on them. I eat at the same restaurants. Walk similar paths. Know the same drink specials but rarely attend and enjoy them. I want to blame the differentness on someone else.

But I think it belongs to me. I just need to acknowledge it.

Step 1: Out with the old and in with the new.

I know how you look at me with your eyes glazed over.
I don't know you anymore. And that is your fault. I've tried longer than I should have.

The angerache came back today. Just for a moment.
I hadn't shown it to anyone but you. I sort of want to hate you for that. I might.

Step 2:

Keep loving Chris Ramos till I burst.
Apologize when it is my turn to.
Kiss my friends and parents.
Pray for my modifications.

I need to quit expecting so much from people. But why can't we all just work a little harder for one another???