Cause I'm feeling like I might need to be near you.
As I went to type this journal, livejournal had saved a draft of my last post I never finished. I thought I'd include it now.
"So it is different now. I am.
I'd been reluctant to write anything, scared to I guess. I didn't want to jinx the smile. Self-censorship is as worthless as any.
The opportunity for me to takeover a friend's position as the Youth Director of a well-supported youth program in Boynton Beach, FL has presented itself. Over and over again. This opportunity equals = dream job with insurance and benefits 1,000s of miles away from everything. An opportunity I would have been eager for 2 months ago. One that I had been seeking and prayed for.
But now I have every reason to stay.
Two heartbeats instead of one.
A phone interview with EMU on Monday.
And i've hit that junction again. Where you make decisions that change the course of your life. We all know I've never really been good at that.
God doesn't send gifts like these every other day. month. year even.
Summer is rapidly upon us and I have more decisions to make than I think I may be ready for."
Little has changed.
I have now been accepted to the Masters program at EMU . . . could register for classes.
Had a phone interview with St. Joe's, they want to fly me down for a personal interview.
I'm back at Children's Village and could apply for a Case Coordinator position in October.
but time is running out. and i'm petrified. to the point where i'm paralyzed. i find it hard to make moves in any direction.
my attachments at home have only grown deeper.
To leave will change everything. Four months ago, it was all I wanted. And now, that excitement of opportunity is so entangled with fear of loss, on both ends, that it is hard to decide what I really want.
I love you Christopher Ramos.
That may be the only thing I'm sure of right now.
"the air gets clean and the seas get wide.
and i can do anything."
"So it is different now. I am.
I'd been reluctant to write anything, scared to I guess. I didn't want to jinx the smile. Self-censorship is as worthless as any.
The opportunity for me to takeover a friend's position as the Youth Director of a well-supported youth program in Boynton Beach, FL has presented itself. Over and over again. This opportunity equals = dream job with insurance and benefits 1,000s of miles away from everything. An opportunity I would have been eager for 2 months ago. One that I had been seeking and prayed for.
But now I have every reason to stay.
Two heartbeats instead of one.
A phone interview with EMU on Monday.
And i've hit that junction again. Where you make decisions that change the course of your life. We all know I've never really been good at that.
God doesn't send gifts like these every other day. month. year even.
Summer is rapidly upon us and I have more decisions to make than I think I may be ready for."
Little has changed.
I have now been accepted to the Masters program at EMU . . . could register for classes.
Had a phone interview with St. Joe's, they want to fly me down for a personal interview.
I'm back at Children's Village and could apply for a Case Coordinator position in October.
but time is running out. and i'm petrified. to the point where i'm paralyzed. i find it hard to make moves in any direction.
my attachments at home have only grown deeper.
To leave will change everything. Four months ago, it was all I wanted. And now, that excitement of opportunity is so entangled with fear of loss, on both ends, that it is hard to decide what I really want.
I love you Christopher Ramos.
That may be the only thing I'm sure of right now.
"the air gets clean and the seas get wide.
and i can do anything."