(no subject)
So, another day by and it all seems the same. I continue to question why i said certain things to ashley and pretty much scare her off. I feel i have mostly myself to blame for even getting a divorce in the first place considering i was the one who brought it up. Of course, i keep trying to trick my mind in thinking, but you didnt...you said "its over otherwise then". I keep beating myself up for that night.
Ashley called today upset, regarding if we made the right choice or not. I dont know what brought it on to that point, as i did ask but i felt as if she didnt really say since i believe she really has had a hard time opening up to me really in the last month or two. It was comforting to hear her voice yet sad at the same time. Also, almost ironic simply because what she called about was pretty much what i was thinking about at the time. Im still glad we have thursday a go, yet she still seems hesistant about it.
I find whats going to kill me the most is after thursday, im going to see her slowly decline from sad to more of an annoyed, angry towards me. I feel as if i sense that a little now but i think its really to be expected. I think she is suffering in on the inside and for as long as i have known her, she will take the best route for her. We keep talking about meeting up later when we hopefully are a bit more mature and trying again. Yeah...sounds nice but im still all paranoid and hesistant to know if we could ever do it again. Im not saying i dont want too, just feel we may drift a little? Im not sure..
I dont know what I'm going to do in these next few months. Honestly, i want to do as much as i can for her until the divorce goes through yet i am trying to really distance myself from her. Though, im finding it difficult just not to text her, or even call her...despite she has been the one calling me. Its not like i dont want to call her yet i constantly worry im going to upset her or make her angry. Maybe its for the best I dont. I'm just so confused as of late that I wish this stuff never happened, the bad things that is.
On a final note...I still dont know what to do with those around me that i feel quite uneasy with. I find the best solution is to toss them out of my life, yet i find it quite difficult cause i dont want to hurt anyones feeling. I dont see why i have this trouble, considering i did it so easily to the person i loved most :(
Posted via LjBeetle
Ashley called today upset, regarding if we made the right choice or not. I dont know what brought it on to that point, as i did ask but i felt as if she didnt really say since i believe she really has had a hard time opening up to me really in the last month or two. It was comforting to hear her voice yet sad at the same time. Also, almost ironic simply because what she called about was pretty much what i was thinking about at the time. Im still glad we have thursday a go, yet she still seems hesistant about it.
I find whats going to kill me the most is after thursday, im going to see her slowly decline from sad to more of an annoyed, angry towards me. I feel as if i sense that a little now but i think its really to be expected. I think she is suffering in on the inside and for as long as i have known her, she will take the best route for her. We keep talking about meeting up later when we hopefully are a bit more mature and trying again. Yeah...sounds nice but im still all paranoid and hesistant to know if we could ever do it again. Im not saying i dont want too, just feel we may drift a little? Im not sure..
I dont know what I'm going to do in these next few months. Honestly, i want to do as much as i can for her until the divorce goes through yet i am trying to really distance myself from her. Though, im finding it difficult just not to text her, or even call her...despite she has been the one calling me. Its not like i dont want to call her yet i constantly worry im going to upset her or make her angry. Maybe its for the best I dont. I'm just so confused as of late that I wish this stuff never happened, the bad things that is.
On a final note...I still dont know what to do with those around me that i feel quite uneasy with. I find the best solution is to toss them out of my life, yet i find it quite difficult cause i dont want to hurt anyones feeling. I dont see why i have this trouble, considering i did it so easily to the person i loved most :(
Posted via LjBeetle