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I haven't been busy lately, but I have been contemplative. I have a lot of hours in my life to contemplate, what with having to stay up til 8 this morning to pick Mark up from work. Since that's another hour or so off, I thought I'd make a blog post.
What does it take to make it from beginnings to endings?
See, I'm a pro at beginnings. A beginning is just a matter of having a brilliant thought. It's being in the moment. Endings, though, seeing things through to the finish - that's about staying in that moment for however long it takes to finish your project. My achilles heel.
Staying in that one, steady frame of mind is hard for me. I don't feel like the same steady person each day when I wake up. During the day my moods could swing so dramatically that a single thought can have me changing my whole life plan. I don't know if this happens to everyone, but I don't think it's as rare as the absense of media time would suggest. Not rare, just not talked about.
People like consistent, confident people. In fact, people would rather hang out with an asshole who was at least consistent than to have a needy friend who needed constant reassurance that she's ok, that there's nothing wrong with her, that every decision she makes is fine. An asshole may be annoying, but they're not emotionally draining like that.
So because we like consistency, we don't talk much about our own inconsistencies. Other people's maybe - we can point out a hypocrite easily enough - but our own times when we flit about are harder to pin down without feeling like it's a weakness.
Hard facts though; it is a weakness. Not just in the level of trust people can have that you will stay the same if they leave you alone and come back a month later, but also a weakness to yourself. You want to be able to make a promise to yourself and know that you will keep it.
So how can you go about doing that?
One way I'm working on is focussing myself first thing in the morning, getting up and meditating. It's a short half hour or so to get me settled and single minded to start the day. When you come out of it, it makes it easier to sort out what you want to get done today and plan the order of attack.
My first order of attack for today is minimizing distractions. In my case that means rearranging my favourites bar to put Intellectual Ventures at the top and Jezebel at the bottom. It also means having a to-do list, and working in a different room so it's easier not to sink into an old routine - did you know that most junkies overdose because they've moved to a new location? For real. What happens is when you're in a new place, your body wakes up and pays more attention. It's more sensitive to smaller stimulus. So when the junkie injects the same amount of herion he did yesterday in his old haunt, he overdoses because his body responds more strongly. True fax.
Also you may scroll down the page and find out, there's a little competition going on. You're encouraged to join in! I plan on kicking all of your asses anyway, but you may as well give it a try *grins*