(no subject)
So I gave myself a #2 buzz cut last night, and edited the off bits today, so it's all kinda perfectly the same.
But now I'm feeling all dysphoric about parts of my body that didn't really bother me before. Like my eyes for example. Usually, only my lips bother me, and even then not very much. But now I look in the mirror and see that my eyes are so big and so feminine and I kinda cringe in my mind. I see my shoulders being narrow, I see my neck and head not having quite the right shape.
So yeah. I've been getting more and more out of touch, more out of "that's what I look like at the moment" with my body overall in the last few weeks than I have over the nearly two years I've identified as transgender.
And I was thinking about my attitude towards bras this evening as I was driving home from school. I have never willingly worn a bra. I've only done it because I "had to." Either according to society or because my chest was so massive that it would be detrimental to my body to go without one. When I first started with sports/training bras, it was like a rite of passage, but nothing more. It was "look, I have (a) _______, I'm more grown-up than you!", nothing else. But for about two years after that, I would periodically not wear a bra while out in public. Including one time when we went to Disneyland.
The only thing that has changed recently is that I am actively not wearing a bra most of the time now.
I'm pretty sure I was blind and/or ignorant of gender roles up until I was 15 or so. I'm aware of them now, but they still don't make a whole lot of sense.
But now I'm feeling all dysphoric about parts of my body that didn't really bother me before. Like my eyes for example. Usually, only my lips bother me, and even then not very much. But now I look in the mirror and see that my eyes are so big and so feminine and I kinda cringe in my mind. I see my shoulders being narrow, I see my neck and head not having quite the right shape.
So yeah. I've been getting more and more out of touch, more out of "that's what I look like at the moment" with my body overall in the last few weeks than I have over the nearly two years I've identified as transgender.
And I was thinking about my attitude towards bras this evening as I was driving home from school. I have never willingly worn a bra. I've only done it because I "had to." Either according to society or because my chest was so massive that it would be detrimental to my body to go without one. When I first started with sports/training bras, it was like a rite of passage, but nothing more. It was "look, I have (a) _______, I'm more grown-up than you!", nothing else. But for about two years after that, I would periodically not wear a bra while out in public. Including one time when we went to Disneyland.
The only thing that has changed recently is that I am actively not wearing a bra most of the time now.
I'm pretty sure I was blind and/or ignorant of gender roles up until I was 15 or so. I'm aware of them now, but they still don't make a whole lot of sense.